


Rise in Perfect Light

by brotherskywalker, shadowssuitme



Series: Rise in Perfect Light [1]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Brother/Sister Incest, F/M, Fix-It, Incest, Multi, Romance, Sibling Incest, Twincest, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-09 05:23:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13474566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brotherskywalker/pseuds/brotherskywalker, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowssuitme/pseuds/shadowssuitme
Summary: How could a child born from pure light turn into the corrupt Kylo Ren? This tale, starting at the end of Empire Strikes Back and progressing into the time before the prequel trilogy, takes a look at how our beloved characters turn into the ones we see in The Last Jedi. The story focuses on the relationship and love between Luke and Leia (and sometimes Han), and how they juggle the pieces of their lives to try and find equilibrium and happiness.If loving, consensual incest between two fictional adults is not your thing, please proceed no further.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story opens at the end of Empire Strikes Back and fills in the blanks for a Luke/Leia(/and sometimes Han) relationship with an intent to, eventually, explain the way our beloved characters ended up the way they did in The Last Jedi. This story takes only the movies as canon, ignoring comics, novelizations, video games, TV series, etc. The story will eventually break into two alternate endings--one currently called "The Darkest Timeline" which will lead into the events of The Last Jedi, and one that follows a very different, much happier Luke/Leia alternate reality. There will be a point where you can choose which ending you want to read first.
> 
> This was written in tandem between shadowssuitme and brotherskywalker.

_Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;_  
_I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night._  
by Sarah Williams

"I finally heard from Lando," Luke says, stepping into the common room of the medical bloc he currently shares with Leia. Seeing her seated near the window, back to him looking out into the black, he self-consciously rubs his thumb against the new synthetic skin of his right wrist. "Do you want the good news, or the bad news?"

Leia turns her head to look at him. She notices his awkward awareness of his new hand, but only out of her peripheral vision--she would never increase his discomfort by allowing her eyes to rest on it. He's been through enough, which she knows even if he's glossed over a lot of what happened during his duel with Vader. Maybe that's how she knows. He's usually pretty talkative, at least with her.

 _There's bad news_ , she thinks to herself. But if there's good news, too, then Han must be okay. Otherwise, what would be left? She allows herself a sigh as she looks back out the viewport. "Just give me all of it."

 _Practical Leia_ , Luke thinks, wanting it all at once, like a field report. There's no need to couch any words with her. She's been through enough and he's never once seen her falter. Not even this could break her. "They've located Han," he finally says, opting for the good news. "But it's not going to be as easy to get to him as we hoped." He steps further into the room, moving to sit beside her. "He's being held in Jabba the Hutt's personal throne room. Heavily populated and heavily guarded. Lando has some ideas on how we can infiltrate it, but to avoid suspicion it will require... months of planning." 

He lifts his eyes to look at her. "And I'm not ready. Not for what he needs me to do. I don't know how, but I need to train more, harder... And I lost my lightsaber when I--" He experimentally flexes the fingers of his right hand, glancing down at it. "I have to make a new one. I'll learn somehow." The room is cold and Luke feels as though there's gulf between them a mile wide. "I've heard there was once a collection of old Jedi lore on Coruscant. Maybe I'll go there to study." He's not ready yet to face Yoda again after his failure to save his friends or defeat Vader, so he has no one to turn to; no clear direction to follow. And now that he knows that Vader is his-- 

Shaking his head, Luke looks back to Leia more intently, searching her eyes for his own answers. "What will you do?"

Leia almost puts her hand in his when she sees him flex his fingers like that. She wants to still him, to show him it's all right, but his question takes her mind along another path. She imagines him off on Coruscant for weeks--months--with no contact, deep in enemy territory, while Han is lost to her, and even Chewie and Lando are away. She has always been so fiercely independent, but she's always had Alderaan and her father to ground her; since Alderaan, she's only had Han and Luke. Sometimes she feels that the specifics of her relationships with them isn't nearly as important to her as their presence. She knows she could take being alone, but she doesn't want to. Why should she?

"You're going to just waltz into Coruscant to find Jedi lore?" she asks, incredulous. It seems like such a foolish errand. If this collection is known by the Empire to exist, which it must if Luke's heard of it, it will not be easy to access. Then again, Luke's fledgling Jedi abilities are one of the best assets they have, and she knows the better he gets, the better it will be for the Alliance. She should let him go.

"You'll need help," she says. She wonders if she's volunteering. Luke's different than he was; more steadfast, quieter, more reflective. But he still sees the objective more clearly than the steps to get there. She doesn't want to worry about him.

She puts her hand in his after all, lacing their fingers together. She hopes it's okay with him that she's touching his new hand. It makes no difference to her.

Luke catches his breath when Leia touches him, trying not to show what that means to him, or that it means anything at all. He wants to be strong for her; for himself; for the Alliance. The reality is, he doesn't know what to do or where to go, but he doesn't want to admit that to anyone. But Leia is different. He can admit it to her, can't he? "I don't..." he begins, curling his fingers into hers and staring unseeingly at the link between them. "Ben's gone. I can't go back to Yoda yet, not after what happened on Cloud City... But if I'm to confront Jabba and then stop Darth Vader... I have to do _something_."

She nods, holding his hand more tightly, encouraged by his reciprocation. She takes his hand in both of hers and cradles it in her lap lovingly. She wishes he could open up to her, but she isn't ready to open up to him, either. What is she supposed to tell him about Han? About falling in love with him? It will only make him feel threatened, when there's no need. Still, she feels that they're sharing their pain. At least they're together in it. "I'll go with you," she says softly, sure now. If anyone can get Luke into Coruscant safely, she knows it's her. She looks away from the viewport again, meeting the softly pleading gaze in his blue eyes, offering him a small smile.

Like it did back on the Death Star when Leia first kissed him for good luck, Luke's heart skips a beat at her words. And then the darkness crashes around him again, hooding his eyes. The beating of his heart drums a now-familiar patter:

_Vader is my father. Vader is my father. Vader is my father._

He wants to tell her. 

To confess this deepest, darkest secret to his friend; his best friend. He wants to share that darkness with her and have her help him make sense of it all. But he can't. It's impossible. Vader helped destroy Alderaan. Vader helped murder Leia's friends and family. He destroyed everything she loved. There's no way he can tell Leia that Darth Vader is his father. It would tear them apart. He couldn't bear the look of betrayal in her eyes, or the doubts he knows she'd soon have: what if Luke turned out to be like Vader?

Gritting his teeth, Luke pulls his hand away. How desperately he wants her to go with him, to help and guide him; to keep him from being alone. "No," he says, unable to look at her again. "You should be here, with the Alliance. They need you."

Leia could argue with him that by helping him further his training, she _is_ helping the Alliance. But she knows that's not what this is about. "Don't do that," she warns, gritting her teeth. "Don't you dare push me away." She and Luke have always had a connection, and it has always been a source of comfort to them both, confusing as it can be. She's never known for sure if it's romantic, sexual, friendly, spiritual, or the connection of shared trauma, or all of them, but it's always there. Now he's making a point of refusing it. Why? Does he know about Han? Is it his hand? Did something else happen? "Everything about this is going to be easier if we're together."

A small part of Luke, deep inside, smiles at her words. Perhaps that's what he needs; someone to fight to be with him. It's easier if he goes it alone, but he doesn't want to. He can't tell her about Vader, not yet, but he _can_ tell her something. "Leia..." His insides twist up, trying to find the right words. "When I fought him... When I fought Vader..." He stares out into the blackness of space only to be confronted by his own eyes reflected back at him in the glass. "He told me something terrible. Something horrible. I can't tell you, not yet, but if you knew..." He looks away from his reflection.

Leia's rage boils, thinking about that monster hurting and emotionally manipulating Luke. Whatever he said must have been deliberately constructed to cause him this pain and doubt. She might be able to forgive him for taking her friend's hand, but not for whatever he said that has Luke so on edge like this.

She wants to reach for him again, but she doesn't know how she'll be received. Her instinct has always been to take care of him, and she used to worry that he would misinterpret her attention as a declaration of intent--maybe even a promise, one that she was not ready to make. Now that he won't even let her touch him, she realizes suddenly how long it's been since he was really that naïve. His face isn't as childlike as it had been, and it's not just the haunted look in his eyes or the scars from the wampa attack. He's grown up. And it makes her want to be closer to him, because she feels that she'd be meeting an equal in a way she would not have been a year ago--but that same new maturity is what's keeping him from being able to relax and let her in.

 _At least he's trying to talk about it_ , she thinks. That means a lot. "Whatever he said, it doesn't change anything. He's trying to hurt you. He knows how special you are and that you're a real threat to the Empire, and you frighten him. That's why I want to go to Coruscant with you. To help you get what you need to bring down Vader and the Emperor. And... to make sure you're safe." She looks at the floor, feeling strangely nervous. "I can't lose you, too."

And suddenly Luke's darkness deflates and his eyes go easily to Leia. When he's focused on his own inner turmoil it's easy to lose sight of the rest of the world. "We'll get Han back," he says, emphatically. And in that moment, he believes it. And something else he's been meaning to ask occurs to him as well. "When you found me on Cloud City, after the fight. You _heard_ me?" He looks into her eyes now. "Through the Force?" 

Leia feels her expression soften. "I heard you. I knew where you were. I don't have your power so I don't know if it was the Force but... I heard you calling my name." She shakes her head helplessly. "Strangest part is how natural it seemed. But, I've always felt... close to you."

Luke's next thought--that he wants to try and use that same technique to attempt to connect with Han, frozen though he is--dies on his lips. There will be time for that later. "I've felt that way, too." And while the boy from Tatooine in him romanticizes it, some other, more rational part of him is intrigued that she feels it, too. "From the first moment I saw you, in the holovid, I felt a connection." He smiles softly. "Perhaps you're stronger in the Force than you realize."

Leia laughs off his suggestion, but reflects on the fact that he feels the connection, too. "I trusted you so easily," she says, "from the moment you took off your stormtrooper helmet and all that gold hair came tumbling out." She reaches up and touches the hair at his right temple with just the tips of her fingers.

Luke's breath catches at her touch. It's far too intimate. And yet, he can't pull away, despite knowing the truth about Vader, and suspecting her feelings for Han. He reaches his hand up and folds it over hers. Whatever the future holds, their fates are entwined. "We'll go to Coruscant together, but then I'll have to find a safe place to hide. Somewhere I can study and train and Vader can't find me."

Leia nods. "The rescue is going to take months of planning, right? You have time."

His hand wrapped around hers feels so good. She wishes he'd take more initiative at times. Every kiss has been one she'd given him. It's only jubilant moments of celebration that Luke even reaches for her, usually. She recalls their desperate embrace on the Falcon after he lost his hand, whispering each other's names, holding like they were never going to let go, Luke's one good hand against her back, trying to draw her closer than their bodies were actually capable of being. "Will you hold me?" she finds herself asking. "We can talk about this later." She's so tired, and she and Luke are alone and safe for once. They'll be thinking more clearly after they get some rest.

There's a calmness in Luke now that never existed in the farmboy from Tatooine. He doesn't think, just gathers Leia to him. Not in quite the desperate way he clung to her after Cloud City, but with more intent and strength. There's comfort even in knowing she's as alone and uncertain what to do as he is.

And having her in his arms again awakens the man in him. He'd pushed all romantic thoughts aside after Hoth and after losing Han, but there's no denying his attraction to her. He knows he should fight it, because once she learns about his father, she might hate him. But in that moment he just wants to belong to her. "Stay with me tonight," he whispers into her ear. Even then, in his heart, he doesn't intend to sleep with her, just hold her so they're not alone again.

Her heart pounds at his words as well as the tickle of his breath on her neck. She knows he doesn't mean to be suggestive of anything more than the face-value of his words, but his whisper carries tension and sensuality he probably doesn't even realize. She wants to be close to him, wants to sleep in his arms, and she is not going to risk that by, yet again, kissing him out of nowhere. What she really wants more than anything is to have a safe space to rest and cry and talk to him as a friend. To support each other. She wraps her arms around his waist and nods emphatically.

Luke holds her for some time, just soaking up her scent and her warmth, the only beacon of life in the cold room. Then he rises and leads her to the adjoining bedroom, soon crawling under the sheets and blankets to find her warmth again. He wraps his arms around her middle like lovers do and holds her close. He knows that other men would have sex with her now, or at least try, and some part of him wants that, too. But the moment isn't right. He loves her intensely, but somehow he doesn't want to taint it. "Thank you," he finally murmurs against her hair and he nuzzles in close to her. He's not sure exactly what for; perhaps everything.

In Luke's arms and in his bed, Leia suddenly feels safe in a way she hasn't in perhaps years. Han excites her, but Luke soothes her, and she thinks she needs both in equal measures. Maybe she should just be honest with Luke. He didn't ask, but he deserves to know. Maybe if they talk about it, it will stop tripping them up. "I know you're too shy and respectful to bring it up," she says, turning a little in his strong arms--had they always been that toned?--so she can look at him in the low ambient light, "But Han and I... we've been sleeping together. I don't want you to misinterpret that. It doesn't change anything that you and I have." She'd meant to sound encouraging, but she's worried his sincere farmboy heart will take it too hard.

"I know," Luke says, and it surprises him to hear him say it. It's only in that very moment that he realizes he knew; that there had always been an unspoken burning interest between Han and Leia; that on Hoth she'd been taunting Han by kissing _him_. He expects to feel his heart shrivel up and his body to recoil, but it doesn't. It's still warm there with her, under the blankets. He honestly doesn't know what that means for him, and his relationship with Leia. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe just _this_ is enough. But they're being honest, and something makes him lay it out, bare and open. "I'm in love with you," he whispers into the quiet. "I don't mean to complicate things."

 _Oh Luke_ , Leia thinks, smiling brightly, her heart warming like a star. Hoping that his feelings don't complicate things. He's too sweet for his own good, which has endeared him to her at times, and made her wonder if she'd be far too much for him at other times. But here he is, laying in bed with her, responding to her admission without fear or accusations or some sort of vague sense of moral revulsion. He knew. He's okay. He loves her.

"I know," she returns. She had known. He's told her thousands of ways, before. "I love you, too. I love both of you."

Luke smiles, because in that moment he thinks maybe he loves Han, too. Maybe not quite in the way he loves Leia, but somehow he does love that scoundrel. Maybe that's why he's not jealous. Maybe it's simply because there's nothing to be jealous of at all; just three friends who all love each other. He closes his eyes, content and warm for the first time in what feels like forever. 

Leia hoped she'd get him to talk more, but they're exhausted. She snuggles into the nook of his shoulder, amazed by how perfectly their bodies align with one another's. Where Han's body is big and powerful, Luke's is slim and scaled down closer to Leia's size. Han is like another kind of creature, but Luke feels like he was made for her. Again, she finds herself thinking that she needs both of them.

Her heart aches for Han, but Luke is here, and they finally opened up to each other. She can worry about the rest in the morning. She lets herself follow Luke into sleep.  
\--

Luke is going through the data tapes of Jedi lore they found on Coruscant, seated at a computer console on their unmarked light freighter. Lando and Chewie have the Falcon, so they've had to make do with an inferior craft, but it's done the job. He looks tired--when did either of them not look tired anymore?--but hopeful, curious, focused. Leia brings him a cup of caf from the ship's small galley, leaning familiarly close to him as she sets it at his elbow. "How's it going? You find anything?"

"Thanks." Luke takes the cup and takes a small sip before smiling up at her. It's amazing he's able to smile amidst everything, but with Leia there, and the knowledge at his fingertips, it's hard not to feel hope. "There used to be a Jedi council on Coruscant. Master Yoda and Ben--Obi-Wan," he corrects, "lived and trained there... I wish I could have seen it. It's all gone now, destroyed by the Empire, but some of the datadiscs have survived. There's so much information to search through but..." He nods. "With the information here, I can train my mind." Where they could hide while he further trained his body, he couldn't say.

Leia sits in the chair beside his, curling her legs up under her as she drinks her own caf. She wishes he didn't have to go this alone. It isn’t fair to leave a man so young with all of this on his shoulders. Just like her and Alderaan. "My father knew Obi-Wan during the war--the other war," she says, setting her caf down and beginning to unbraid her hair. It's been in the same messy bun for two days, since she and Luke hit the ground running on Coruscant. This is the first chance she's had to catch her breath. "I know he knew more about what happened than is public knowledge anymore. I can't believe how much they managed to erase in less than twenty-five years. I wish I could ask him about it."

Luke watches her hands as they easily move through her long locks. "I'm sorry." It's not his fault that Alderaan and her family are gone, but he feels responsible now. He's seen references to his father-- _Anakin Skywalker_ \--in the texts too, and while the farmboy inside him would have once greedily read anything he could about Anakin, _this_ Luke is more hesitant. He'll get there, but not yet. Setting aside his studies, he focuses on Leia. They'd never discussed Alderaan. There'd never been time, and perhaps Leia hadn't been able to. "They're willing to destroy entire worlds... it's not so hard to believe they could erase so much." He keeps his eyes on her. "I wish I could have met your family."

Leia knows he still isn't telling her everything, but he's been so much more emotionally connected with her since they started sleeping in the same bed a few nights ago, and for that she's grateful. He's started letting himself connect with her like he used to again. She smiles and leans forward, letting her half-undone braids hang to her waist. The ends of her hair brush Luke's hand as she takes it in her own. "They would have loved you." And it isn't because he destroyed the Death Star. It's because of him. He constantly amazes her with his goodness. How can one boy be so sweet?

"All we can do is keep fighting," she says, more softly, closer to his face, squeezing his hand. She hurts enough for both of them--she doesn't need him to let it overcome him, too.

"I'm glad you here," Luke says, looking up at her. "I couldn't do this alone." Not just this, but what comes after this, and what he plans to do after they rescue Han. Someone has to confront Vader, and somehow, out of all the people in the whole galaxy, that someone is him. A farmboy from Tatooine. 

"Neither could I," she admits. "And I don't think either of us will ever have to." She looks into his eyes, feeling his energy drawing her in. She wants to pull him away from the console, leave their caf cooling as she leads them to the bunks in the back of the ship. But she wants him to keep reading if that's what he needs to do. She won't be a distraction from the pressing galactic matters at hand. "Have you gone through General Kenobi's place yet? Maybe he left you something...?"

Luke is silent for a few moments. "I want to. But, if we return to Tatooine this soon, I fear Vader will find me. He can sense me, through the Force... I have to be stronger first. I have to be able shield myself from his thoughts. Before I confront Jabba I will return to Ben's to see what might be there. Right now, it's too dangerous." And, in truth, Luke doesn't think Ben left anything there for him. Ben knew they would never return to Tatooine. "What I need is a planet on the Rim, away from the Empire's eyes, where I can use the Force without anyone knowing. You know the galaxy far better than I do, Leia. Where can we go?"

Leia shakes her head. "There are still areas outside of the influence of the Empire. Like the worlds controlled by the Hutts, but even most of those are starting to have Imperial garrisons installed, like on Tatooine. We should go somewhere quiet, underpopulated."

She takes her hand back and finishes unbraiding her hair until it hangs completely loose around her head. She's told Luke before that on Alderaan most women won't wear their hair unbraided in public, that it's considered too casual, too intimate. As silly as she thinks that is, she still feels it viscerally, and she wonders if Luke knows the fact that she'll wear it down in front of him is a sign of profound trust.

"What about Ylesia?" She asks, tucking her hair behind her ears. "It's wild, but rural. In Hutt Space, far from the Core."

Even though they've spent several nights together now, Luke's never seen her with her hair completely down, and he's mesmerized by the strands just cascading down her back. It's more entrancing than the first time he saw a waterfall, and just as pretty. It's only when he notices Leia watching him, waiting for an answer that he comes back into himself and mentally replays what she's just said. "That should do. I'm very familiar with Huttese and know more or less what to expect to find on a Hutt world." Opulence and slavery, in grossly unequal doses, but safe spaces between the cracks of society, and an elite willing to turn a blind eye to anyone with enough bribes. "Let's chart a course and try to land somewhere green..."


	2. Chapter 2

Once in they're in hyperspace, Leia decides a shower and sleep is the best way for her to spend the jump. "Promise you'll wake me up if you get tired," she says, leaning over Luke, who's already gone back to the Jedi records. "I'm only leaving the watch to you because I know there's no tearing you away yet."

"I will," Luke promises, offering a small smile.

Only once they're deep into the black of space, with the Core hours away by hyperspace does Luke finally dare to peek into the files about Anakin Skywalker. It's training of a completely different kind, and he finds himself smiling and tearing up at the notes he reads--Anakin bravely defending people, his superb piloting skills, his rash and reckless behavior. He finds a photo of Anakin standing beside a young Ben Kenobi, both smiling brightly, arms around each other, and Luke can only look at it for a few seconds until it's too painful.

That man is his father. His father is Darth Vader. And Darth Vader killed Ben.

He reads until his eyes are burning, and only for a moment he closes them to rest, and in that moment he falls asleep, sitting up in his chair, his caf long gone cold. And he dreams terrible things, twisted versions of his father in Vader's clothing, and himself entangled in the black robes and mask, and somehow Leia's there too, calling him...

Her wet hair bound again in one new braid hanging down her back, Leia falls asleep easily in the crew bunk in the back of the ship, comforted by Luke's earnest and industrious presence at the console in the next room. It reminds her of her parents sending her to bed when she was little, refusing to go to sleep themselves until their work was done, a model that she emulated through university and into her work with the Alliance. They really would have loved Luke.

But the comfort doesn't follow her into her dreams. She dreams about looking for her father and finding only shadows; the emptiness of space. Though she knows Tarkin gave the order to destroy Alderaan, remembers it clearly, in her dreams she blames Vader for holding her back, for making her watch. In this dream, she's looking for Bail, but Vader's hand is firmly gripping her shoulder.

She wakes up with a start, and after she's caught her breath, she goes to see if Luke wants to switch off, only to find him asleep in his chair, shuddering and murmuring. He's having nightmares, too. She shakes his shoulder and calls his name to rouse him.

Luke wakes with a start, bewildered for a moment. He feels the fear that gripped his heart on Dagobah when he felt his friends were in danger, but it passes quickly as he finds himself blinking up at Leia, and remembers where he is. Sitting up, he shakes away the cobwebs of sleep. "Sorry, I must've dozed off." Catching a better glimpse of her face, he stands to touch her. She looks suddenly so young and innocent in her sleep clothes, eyes fresh from bed. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Leia doesn't want him to know how hard it still is for her, how hard most nights are, but she wants to let him in at the same time. _We could share this_ , she thinks, remembering holding each other after Luke's hand was replaced. It's so hard, though--she'd never wanted any weaknesses, and hiding them sometimes seems the same as not having them. "Nothing. I... I had a bad dream. So I came to see if you wanted me to take over watch and I found you in the same state. Are you all right?"

Luke smiles, and, still somewhat sleepy, draws Leia to him, gathering her small frame in his arms. "I'm all right. I was reading about my father... He was once a great Jedi, before he was... destroyed by Vader." That wasn't a lie, at least. "You can imagine my dreams." He loosens his hold on her. "I can't begin to imagine the loss you've experienced... You've never shared, and I've never wanted to pry... but I'm here for you, any time, if you need me."

Leia's heart warms at his words, and his body feels so soft yet strong against hers. He took initiative, she thinks happily. He held me without me asking. "I don't really know what to tell you. You know what happened. Vader made me watch." She tries to suppress the hitch in her voice as tears close her throat. She refuses to cry. "I dream about that. Sometimes, now, I dream about Han being put in the carbonite. Vader's in that dream, too." Their nightmares aren't very different, then, and apparently they dream at the same time, fighting against their internal Vaders in sleep as they fight the real one while awake. She nuzzles her head into Luke's neck, her arms around his waist. Maybe if she can hold him close enough, neither of them will be afraid anymore. She finds that, despite her efforts, some tears have gotten loose from her eyes and Luke's skin is wet.

To Luke, being with Leia feels like being alone in a different way. It's not quite like being alone with himself, but like being alone with another part of himself. It isn't that he feels like Leia understands him more than someone else could, but that they understand each other in some unspoken, secret way. _She must be Force-sensitive_ , Luke thinks. 

He can't bring Alderaan back, but he can rescue Han. And after that, he will go after Vader. "It's okay to cry," he whispers, feeling her tears on his skin. 

Leia's grateful for the space he's creating for her feelings. She honestly does feel that it's okay to cry, for the first time in a long time. When she and Luke had met, she hadn't wanted to show this part of herself to him. She needed him as a friend, but she was afraid if she let him in all the way, either as a friend or more, he'd be turned off by the intensity of her sadness, her anger, the extent of her traumas. And she couldn't be with someone who couldn't handle it. And, knowing Luke, he would have insisted he could handle it whether he could or not, and what would that have done to him?

But she misjudged him. She sees now that he has his own darkness, so much like hers. And he meets her deepest fears with nothing but sincere support. It's okay to cry.

Luke pulls back enough to look down into her liquid brown eyes and his breath catches in his throat. She practically glows in the starlight. He raises a hand to wipe away her tear, but his fingers linger on her skin after he's dried them.

He knows he should kiss her, but something stops him. Perhaps that line he read in the Jedi texts about forming attachments. 

"Thank you," she says, looking up at him. His eyes are bright and intense and so beautiful as they stare at her, and she can almost taste his conflicting emotions, but she still feels the unconditional acceptance underlying it all. "You can, too, you know. Or we can talk about it, or... whatever you need."

"There are things I want to tell you," Luke admits, "but I can't yet. Someday, when this is all over..." He searches her eyes for some kind of answer, but, of course, it isn't there. He can't possibly know how she'd react to the knowledge that Vader is his father. He can't tell her until Vader is no longer a threat. Perhaps not even then. "And... Ben and Master Yoda told me not to form attachments, not to impulsively act in regards to my friends... It's there in the Jedi texts, as well." He gestures slightly to the computer before looking back at Leia. "I understand why the Jedi didn't form attachments. I was reckless on Bespin because of my desire to save you, and I failed because of it, but I also don't agree with it." He looks away from her. "But I don't regret it either, going back for you. And I worry that means I'm opening myself to the dark side..." Luke feels his love for Leia and Han, and Chewie and the others makes him stronger and more willing to fight for the side of good. 

But his father is still Darth Vader, and Luke is alone. There's so much he doesn't know.

Leia licks her lips. "Luke... I'm not a Jedi, but I've always thought denying your feelings was more dangerous than expressing them in a constructive way." _Listen to me_ , she thinks. _I can't even let myself cry openly._ "And I have never seen any darkness in you except that left by what others have done to you. And you always rise above it. You're the best person I've ever met. I'm not going to make you talk about it. But don't isolate yourself. We're supposed to be in this together." She sighs, then decides to let herself be even more vulnerable. They have hours to be alone on this ship, still. She's safe. "You know we both feel the same about each other. I'm right here, but I need you to meet me half-way. Stop acting like there's something noble in torturing yourself. You're human."

_If you knew the truth about Vader_ , Luke thinks, _you wouldn't be so candid_. But Luke also knows that there is no one in the world he loves or trusts more than Leia. How could loving someone as strong and resilient as her possibly lead him to darkness? Protecting her, and his friends, are what keeps him going. "I'm afraid I'll make the wrong choice," he whispers, "but I don't see how loving you could be wrong." And, even if it is, it's already too late. He loves her... and he knows she likes him.

"It's not wrong," Leia whispers, matching Luke's tone. "And I promise I'll keep an eye on you." She smiles up at Luke, putting her arms around his waist again, trying to get a smile out of him. When did he get so serious? "You're not turning to the dark side on my watch."

Luke manages a rueful smile and trusts she's right as he looks down at her. Sometimes he thinks she is the only beacon of hope and light in the whole galaxy. And, some quiet, deep part of him knows that losing her might very well destroy him. But that can't stop his feelings. And while perhaps someday he will be tempted to the dark side, he believes his love for Leia is what will keep him firmly on the side of the light. "You'll be there to save me if I'm tempted."

A small smile is better than no smile. Leia reaches one hand up to rest on the nape of his neck, and the ends of his hair feel like silk. "You won't be. But I'll be there. And you watch out for me, too. That's how it works, just like tonight." She meets his eyes earnestly. "I was so glad you were here when I woke up."

Luke's just a man, when all is said and done. And with the woman of his dreams in his arms, staring adoringly up at him, there's not much he can do to resist. The rebellion, his father, the fate of Han and the galaxy all boil away when he looks into her big, dark eyes. Even if all else fails, he has this moment with the woman he loves. And so he pushes aside his doubts and fears and kisses her like he's wanted to since the moment he saw her image in the holovid, and the wait makes the connection all the stronger.

Leia had always known he felt this way about her, but this is the first time he's ever really shown it physically, and she can't help but gasp a little when his lips meet hers so suddenly and with such passion. He's an incredible kisser, if unpracticed, and she finds immediately that they know instinctively how to kiss each other. They've kissed before, but this is the first time he's kissed her. And this is the first time they've really taken their time. It's both comforting and painfully sensual.

She pulls Luke closer at his waist and his neck, closing her eyes tight as she returns his fervor. "I knew you had it in you," she whispers playfully, drawing back just long enough to smile at him again, then finding his lips with hers once more.

Luke lets out a moan of appreciation as she returns her kiss. He didn't think kissing her would awaken in him such hunger. His arms tighten around her as he opens up to her, kissing her more intently. He's never kissed anyone before like this, and something electric and possessive races through him when his tongue touches hers. His hands move off her waist to feel her skin through her nightgown. 

Everything Luke does drives Leia on--the moan deep in his throat, his hands, just beginning to wander, his ravenous kiss. She wants so much more, but she doesn't want to scare him, doesn't want to be too much. He's her best friend and she knows they could be walking a fine line. But she also knows that this has been coming since the day they met. It was always there, ready to happen when they were ready for it themselves. After a few moments, she pushes Luke back into his chair and straddles him in her nightgown, kissing him all the more passionately.

"Leia," Luke breaths when she gives him a moment. He stares up at her in awe. He's spent nights thinking about her in the past, and now she's here and all the better for it. Putting his hands on her rear, he helps position her better on his body, then stretches up to capture her mouth again in a kiss. His hands push the fabric around her gown up, until his fingers can touch her hot skin and as soon as he does his hips buck instinctively, making him kiss her more desperately. 

In his fantasies of this moment, they take their time in a bed, slow and passionate, shy and silent. The reality of it is so much better and more authentic. Two lost souls burning bright in the deep black of space.

Her name said with his voice, with those desperate breaths, almost drives Leia crazy. She feels his hips rock against hers as his hands roam under her dress. She's pretty sure he's never done this before, and she wants to make sure he feels safe and confident, and that she doesn't do anything he isn't ready for, so, when she reaches for the fastener of his trousers, she pauses. "Are you okay?" she asks softly, nipping at his neck as she whispers close to his ear. "Promise you'll tell me if you want me to stop?"

Luke's glad she asked, because some part of him is scared out of its mind at how fast everything is suddenly happening. But the rest of him has no doubts. It's the most certain he's ever felt about anyone or anything in his life. "I've never felt more right." He nuzzles her until she looks at him, his eyes shining, heart aching with love. He knows he's rushing this, but there will be other days to take it slowly. He wants her desperately, and he knows--he can _feel_ \--how much she wants it, too. He reaches down to help her with his fastener, sighing when he's freed. "Leia," he rasps, like a prayer.

"I love it when you say my name like that," Leia breathes, kissing him deeply as she wraps her fingers around him, guiding him inside her. They're moving fast, but their bodies are both ready for it, and Leia can't stand the ache of wanting him any longer.

What she feels once they're joined is like nothing she's felt in her life.

It blindsides her. It's psychic as much as physical, her subconscious connection to him taken to new heights. She can feel everything he's feeling, him inside of her from both of their perspectives, she thinks. His love for her and her love for him merging into one emotion. She catches her breath and sits up straighter, looking unblinking into his eyes. "Luke," she says, almost like a question. He's staring at her, too.

He doesn't know it isn't usually like this for most people. Or maybe he does. Maybe he knows this intensity isn't normal, that the connection that's suddenly flared between them is more than just the sensation of being inside her. It's as if they've literally become one blinding beacon of light. He grips her hips, unmoving, overwhelmed by everything. Never had the words Ben spoke to him rung louder in his ears: the Force binds us, surrounds us, penetrates us. 

"Leia," he answers finally. The intensity continues to flare around them, but he's adjusting to it, perhaps more easily than she is. "I can feel--" he runs his hands over her skin again and it's like he's touching himself when he does "-- _everything_." His body is burning, aching to move, to explore this sensation further, to release. But, he doesn't want to hurt her. "Are you all right?"

She can't think or breathe or move, but she's more all right than she's ever been in her life. She manages to nod, deliberately taking deep breaths to try to regain some control. "I'm fine." She knows her skin is deeply flushed, but she doesn't know for sure whether she knows that because she can feel how hot her skin is, or because she can see herself from Luke's perspective--or maybe Luke's the one who's flushed. Maybe there's no Luke and Leia right now. Maybe there's only both of them at once. "I feel it too. Everything." She presses her forehead to his, then slowly, experimentally, moves her hips away from his, then back again. It's nearly overwhelming, but it feels so good.

Luke makes a noise that he's never made before, something between a moan and a yelp, but it's good. It's overwhelming, but so good. He stares up at Leia, seeing himself reflected in her eyes, and in that reflection he sees her again. He grips her hips and begins to move against her, limited by the chair, but it's more than enough. The deeper into her eyes he stares, the stronger the connection between them grows and their movements become confiden and more intense, synchronizing perfectly. And soon he feels their orgasm building, slow and strong and steady, like a huge bubble rising through hot magma, and the faster they move together, the quicker the bubble grows and rises. "Leia," he manages again, confirming and affirming the connection.

She says his name at the same time as he says hers--or at least she thinks she does. Maybe only he spoke. She'd know he was getting close by his movements alone, but she doesn't even need to observe the signs with him. She feels everything he feels, and she feels it with him. There is absolutely no way they wouldn't come together, and there is no way they could hold out very long, not with this happening the way it is. She's sure she speaks when their climax washes over them, because she hears herself call his name like a labored gasp before losing any semblance of separateness. With her eyes closed, she sees herself and Luke and their energy and their pleasure turn into a supernova, and she doesn't know how long it is before she starts to come down from it, to hear the hum of the ship, to feel Luke's body beneath hers, their arms circling each other.

Luke positively shakes beneath her as he comes, his whole body participating in the act, and overcome with just how intense it is. He still shivers with after shocks even once he's drained, and some distant part of him expects something terrible to happen next. How could the whole universe not have just felt the explosion they caused?

But once the brightness fades, he finds himself in the dark cockpit, with Leia still straddling him, connecting him, becoming him. And, with some reluctance, he slips out of her and pulls her slightly sideways onto his lap, almost cradling her in his arms. The ship is so cold, but in that space between them, a comfortable fire continues to burn. He kisses the top of her head, still breathing somewhat hard, and just whispers a gentle, "Wow."

She manages a helpless laugh, though she doesn't fully have her bearings yet. "Wow," she repeats, snuggling as deeply into Luke's arms as she can. She grows more somber as she tries to process what had just happened. She's still giddy with excitement, her body limp and satisfied, her heart beating for Luke. But she doesn't recognize the phenomenon that they generated. She sits up a little, moving languidly, vibrating with afterglow. "What was that?" she asks, almost mumbling, pushing Luke's bangs off his forehead so she can really look at him now that she's only Leia again. As much as she ever can be only Leia again, after that.

Luke doesn't think he'll ever get tired of looking into Leia's eyes, or having her look back at him with such concentration. It makes the boy in him still giddy with excitement. "So, it's not usually like that?" he confirms, reaching a hand up to hold over hers. "It was so intense, like I was inside you... no, that I _was_ you, and you were me." It's incredible to know she felt it, too. And that it was something special between them, something she'd never shared before, makes him glow. 

She nods, still breathing a little raggedly. "I've never heard of that happening before. It's never been like that for me." He's looking at her like he's totally entranced, and she feels the same. This is beyond love. "Was that the Force?"

"Must be." He searches her face, as if seeking the answers, but he only finds more questions, and overflowing love. Somewhat bashful, he ducks his head and says, "I don't exactly have a lot of experience with this..." Shyly, he peeks up. "I thought it'd be amazing, but that was..." He shakes his heads. There are no words that can accurately describe what that was.

"It was..." Leia tries too, finding herself unusually speechless. She catches Luke's eyes as he ducks his head, smiling. "You're going to be shy now?" She stands, wobbly, feeling her nightgown's gauzy-thin fabric stick to her skin with sweat and other fluids. Realizing Luke's never seen her naked, which seems odd, considering--and she's going to have to wash what she's wearing, anyway--she pulls her clothes off confidently, then holds out her hand to him. "Come on--come get in the shower with me."

Luke laughs, because he does feel shy suddenly, but he takes her hand and tries not to stare too much at the bounty of flesh she's showing him. It's almost enough to get his young mind active again. He sheds his clothes as he follows, leaving a trail leading to the bathroom, confident the auto-pilot will control the ship while they shower. Ylesia is still hours away.

Inside the bathroom, the lights are bright and unbashful, revealing everything to Luke. He knows it's ridiculous for him to be shy after what they just shared, but it's all still new to him. He's glad this old ship has water showers; somehow a sonic fresher just wouldn't have the same intimacy. Reaching up, he starts to unbraid Leia's hair. "Your hair is still wet from before," he says, almost laughing. "I should've acted sooner."

It makes Leia so happy to have him start unbraiding her hair unprompted. He's still shy, but they've released the tension, and as overwhelming as their union had been, they both clearly feel more at ease. She looks in the mirror, her back to Luke, the bright lights of the bathroom reflecting him back to her in high contrast. "You're beautiful," Leia says, letting her eyes wander over his fair but lightly tanned skin, his plaintively curling hair, his strong shoulders. She's never seen him naked before, either, and he's small and sculpted and perfect. She turns to face him again when her wet hair is all hanging around her like a cloak, standing a little on her toes to kiss him.

Luke smiles ruefully. It feels silly to have a woman tell him he's beautiful, but he's flattered, too. Completely floored, honestly, that a princess like Leia could be interested in a farmboy like him. Even if he is a Jedi, now. Once he's finished unbraiding her hair, he trails his fingers through the long ends, drinking in how incredible she looks with the dark, wet hair sticking to her pale skin. The contrast is incredibly striking, but he closes his eyes when she kisses him because all he wants is to taste her again.

It's not as electric this time, but the sparks still burn hot when their lips touch, and it's hard not to want to push her against the wall and take more. He had no idea the connection between them would always be so consistent and strong. "It still feels like a dream, sometimes. Maybe the best dream I've ever had."

She nods. "I know. But... it's so...." She shakes her head. "Powerful." She runs her hand down his chest, feeling his muscles contract under her fingers. She can almost sense him wanting her again, and her instinct is to encourage him, explore his body, show him how to explore hers, but she pauses thoughtfully and looks up at him. "Why would that happen? The Jedi lore you've read hasn't said anything about... that, has it?"

"No... But I haven't read everything." He loves the feeling of her hands on his chest, and touches her as well, drawing whorls on her pale skin with his fingertips. "The Jedi Code does forbid... attachments. Marriage. Falling in love." He lifts his eyes to look at her. "Maybe this is why. Because it's so strong you don't want to do anything else..."

Leia can't help but laugh. His fingers tickling her skin feel wonderful. She presses against him, tilting her face up for another kiss. "If anyone really thinks that becoming some kind of spiritual singularity with your loving partner is a path to evil, I'd really like to hear their reasoning. That was nothing but love and light." She thinks for a moment, sighing softly at his touch. "Maybe it's not all Jedi. Maybe... maybe it means something special."

Luke likes the sound of that. It's not that he wants to be special, but that he wants to be special _to Leia_. It's obvious to him why he loves her, but he's not so sure why she loves him in return. "The Force's way of saying we're meant to be together?" He says it playfully, but realizes he means it, and maybe it's true. The Force could do that; bring together two unlikely people to create a union that enhanced the Force itself. 

Instinctively, Leia balks at that phrase a little. She had never liked the idea of destiny, or the thought of there being one person for her. She has free will, and if she's going to be with Luke, it's going to be because she's decided to be. Then she remembers how many times she's reflected on her and Luke's incredible compatibility, how many times she's thought that they were "made for each other." In fact, she thinks of him in contrast to Han, who is exciting to her partially because she likes the challenge of their differentness. She and Luke are different, too, but there are all the signs of "meant to be," and she thinks that, deep down, they're more alike than you'd ever think a princess and a farmboy had any business being. He's not wrong. "Maybe," she admits, and her voice sounds more solemn than she'd meant it to. She has the impression that she'd suddenly gotten very close to understanding, only to have the trail she was following vanish in front of her.

She feels uneasy for a moment, until those big blue eyes catch hers again, and then she remembers that this is Luke. She's known Luke for years. There's no mystery. He's a Jedi, and they're very close. That's all it is. If it meant that they were good together, that was enough for her.

His sincere eyes are watching her, and she doesn't want him to think her sudden confusion means anything about him. She's sure of him. She's absolutely sure. "I love you," she says softly, kissing him again. Then she pulls him into the shower.

Luke knows it bothers her a little, but he's not offended by it. He doesn't even understand the Force and he's a Jedi. He's not even sure the old Masters really understood how the Force worked, or how deep its influence ran. But he knows in his heart that it wasn't just chance that brought them together. Leia grew up with a deeply political family and was working for the Alliance since she was a child. And Luke, the farmboy from Tatooine, had the darkest secret possible--he was the lost son of Darth Vader.

That they should meet and fall in love feels almost foreordained. But he feels none of the lack of freewill because of it. The Force didn't _make_ them fall in love. It brought them together because they were so compatible. "Well, Force or no Force," Luke says, as he kisses Leia's shoulder before reaching for the soap, "there's no one else in the whole galaxy I'd rather be with."

Sometimes, Leia thinks it's when he's being this intensely sweet that she loves him the most. After all he's been through, this is still who he really is, deep down. When they'd first met, she was worried he was breakable, mistook his softness for fragility. Now she sees with certainty that Luke can take anything that's thrown at him, and he might get damaged and scarred on the surface, but inside he'll always believe in the same ideals that had led him to her cell on the Death Star in the first place. He's tougher than anyone else she knows, because of his softness. He gives her so much hope. "I know... I feel the same." His wet skin against hers is warm and soothing.

Being with Leia refreshes Luke's mind and body, but after the shower, his lack of sleep starts to catch up and at Leia's insistence, he finally falls asleep for the last few hours of their flight to Ylesia, waking only on their final approach.


	3. Chapter 3

Luke manages to find them a small home up in the mountains, away from the spice mines and most of the prying eyes of the locals. The house is largely self-sufficient, and the nearest town is a two hour ride away. Although surrounded by trees, there's enough area for Luke to practice sparring and training, and a beautiful view of the jungle that spreads out beyond a cliff. Compared to Dagobah, Ylesia is bright and sunny, though the midday humidity even up in the mountains sometimes gets quite oppressive.

It's cozy; a house built for humanoids on holiday, and peaceful. Once Luke steps inside with Leia by his side, it is easy to forget about the troubles of the rest of the galaxy. "I feel guilty. It's like we're on vacation...."

She knows what he means, and she feels guilty, too, but she can't help but smile when she sees how big the bed in the master bedroom is. "We _are_ on vacation," she reminds him. "It's our honeymoon, remember?" The cover shouldn't be hard to keep up, considering their recent history, but hardly anyone is around, anyway. She feels safe here--there's virtually no Imperial presence, and it's as quiet as something could be and still be considered a jungle.

They settle in, and Leia finds her inactivity immediately stifling. It's not Luke's fault--it's the waiting to hear from Lando. There's not much she can do until she knows more about the situation, and the less she does, the more she worries about Han. She doesn't know if he's still frozen--for that matter, she doesn't really know if he's still okay, only that he was last she heard from Lando. He's attempting to infiltrate Jabba's Palace, and after that they should be much better equipped to move forward; until then, all she can do is wait.

Luke has his texts and exercises to keep him busy, and after a few days of trying to find something to do besides playing housewife, she goes outside looking for him. 

He looks like he's meditating, cross legged on the jungle floor a few meters behind the house. She doesn't want to bother him, but something tells her she won't. "Will you teach me?" she asks, sitting next to him. She doesn't imagine she'll get the same thing out of it as Luke does, but they might as well both learn to meditate. She's heard of many non-Force sensitives using Jedi calming techniques.

Luke doesn't open his eyes. He heard--and felt--Leia approaching from the moment she opened the door. It's only been a week since they arrived, but already the peace and ability to focus have done wonders to improve his concentration. Having Leia nearby, loving and strong, strengthens him, as well. Without moving he opens his mind to her, like he did on Bespin, but now with more control and precision. He knows she's Force-sensitive--enough to receive at least. 

But can she transmit?

He's still learning too much to be a teacher, but he thinks he knows enough to at least test her abilities. Without moving, he sends her the image of 2+2 and waits to see if she _says_ the answer, or manages to send it back to him through her mind. 

Leia stops dead in her tracks, because the number four is suddenly in her head, in lights, meters tall, shouting, pulsing, demanding her attention.

_Four what?_ she thinks, mentally shouting over the one word taking up all her awareness, looking around her, wondering if the Force was trying to tell her something.

But Luke must have sent it, because she only feels the Force through him, doesn't she? "W... what?" she asks aloud, walking the last few paces to stand before Luke, who has so far given no physical indication that he's aware of her presence. "Did you say something?"

Luke grins, thrilled she could respond, and so amused that her personality shines through even through the Force. "I'm teaching you." He cracks open an eye to glance over at her. "Sit down." He opens both his eyes and looks out at the vast jungle spread before them on the mountain. The afternoon sun has burned away all the mist, and they can see for miles and miles. It's achingly beautiful. He's not sure the view has quite the same effect on Leia, who grew up on a green world, but Luke could watch the wind through the leaves for a hundred years and not get bored.

"I know you can _hear_ me when I focus my thoughts on you. I was curious if you could respond. Seems like you can." He smiles, trying not to feel too happy about it. "The Force must like you."

Leia sits beside Luke, trying to understand. "You sent me a test transmission? And I sent it back? I didn't know I did anything."

"That's part of the Force. Sometimes it's easier not to know and just to feel. I didn't ask you anything, I just sent the thought of two plus two. You sent back an angry 'four what'?" He shrugs. "It's not a perfect answer, but I received it. Through the Force." He glances over at her, smiling. How it warms his heart to think Leia could be a Jedi, too. They could start a new Jedi order together. Them... and their children. He closes his eyes and sends that feeling to her, just a hint of it.

The specifics of the thought are muddy, but Leia feels a huge wave of fondness for her coming from Luke. She can't help but smile at him, and she tries to send it back, unsure if she can do it on purpose. "It was really... loud," she says, realizing that if they talk about it, maybe they can learn to refine it. "It was everything for a second. Everything I could perceive. That's why I sounded angry. And I didn't get two plus two, just four." She shakes her head. "It's been louder since...." She smiles brightly at him, realizing when it started. "Since we've been making love. I think it opened new channels between us."

Luke can't stop smiling. The breeze tousles his hair and he enjoys the moment. It's unfair that Lando is on Tatooine, infiltrating Jabba's palace and Han is frozen in carbonite while they're here enjoying themselves, but life goes on. He's living what he can of it. "I think you're right. I can feel you all the time now," he agrees. "If I concentrate I can tell right where you are. That's new for me, too." He finally unfolds himself, relaxing from the more meditative pose he'd taken. "With time and practice I bet we could communicate like that over vast distances."

He doesn't tell her he's been trying to touch Han's mind. He knows the distance shouldn't matter, not with the Force. But he's been unsuccessful, so far, and he doesn't want that potential failure to worry her.

Leia can tell he's thinking about Han, but she's not sure of specifics, or how she knows. She just does. "It could be a huge asset to us to be able to really communicate telepathically--if we could get more accurate. The tactical implications... it could help us win the war."

She looks into his eyes. When she was little, she used to have dreams that someone was missing. Her dream-self would run through the palace on Alderaan looking for the missing person, only to discover her whole family and household were present. Yet, someone was still missing. She knew they were. The dreams left her feeling unbalanced for hours after waking up, and she'd never shaken the feeling that someone was missing, not until she grew up. Maybe those dreams are why--part of why--abandonment is one of her greatest fears.

She never feels like someone's missing when she's with him. Has that been the pattern? "We'd never be alone," she muses, smiling.

Luke can only smile back at her, just as radiant. He can feel the emptiness that has been put at bay inside her, and he knows in some ways he's responsible for that. He and Han and the others. "I'll teach you as much as I can." He wants to teach her everything--levitation, Force jumping, mind tricks, even lightsaber fighting. He knows she could do it all. "You could become a Jedi."

Leia tries not to roll her eyes, but she does, a little, as lovingly as she can. It's all or nothing with Luke. "Maybe let's start with you teaching me meditation. One thing at a time," she says, putting her hand on Luke's forearm as she sends him a playfully reassuring feeling. She hopes he gets it. Could it really be that easy?

Sensing her seriousness, Luke calms himself. "Close your eyes," he says, speaking in a softer tone. "Don't think about me. Think about the rock beneath you. Feel the heat from the stone as it warms your body. Feel the breeze as it blows across your skin and the grass at your feet, and the leaves out in the jungle, and the clouds. Everything is connected. Everything is connected... not by the wind, but by the Force. You, me, the rocks and trees, everything is just a different arrangement of the same energy." Luke does it too, lets himself go into meditation until his mind opens to a vast illuminated world, brilliant and white where he can follow the lines across the galaxy. He tries to share that mental image with her.

Leia's intense desire to help the war effort and be close to Luke is at odds with the part of her that insists that she's not Jedi material. She's a princess, a diplomat, a political scholar, a senator. He's the one who emerged from a desert imbued with a metaphysical strength only previously known to her in fairytales. She insists to herself that any power she has in that regard is just through him, by some mechanism she does not understand.

Still, she can't deny for another moment that she feels things. She closes her eyes, accepts the thought Luke is sending to her. Everything just looks bright.

Without opening her eyes, she takes Luke's hand. Purposely using him as a conduit to focus her awareness, she sees it.

Everything is connected. The Force, like a vast ocean, flows through everything, between everything. It's like little strands of spider silk, but there's one between every single living thing and every other living thing. And it's moving, and constantly flowing. It's overwhelming. But then she realizes that she can see just one strand at a time if she wants.

The one that connects her to Luke is so wide and powerful it's more like a river, so she stops thinking of it as a strand. In fact, she and Luke are so connected... it's more like the Force doesn't consider them to be separate at all.

For a few moments, Leia thinks that this deep connection is why she can sense everything he can, but then she realizes that for every one of the billions of strands of awareness radiating off of Luke, she has one as well. She lets go of his hand.

And the awareness doesn't go away. She can feel the trees breathing; she can tell which ones are really the same tree through their interconnected roots. She can feel animals burrowing underground. She can feel embryonic birds in their eggs in the forest canopy. How far is the range on this thing?

Timidly, like asking a question she isn't sure she wants the answer to, Leia reaches for Han.

Luke doesn't need to touch Leia to know what she's feeling. He smiles a little sadly as he feels her immediately questing out in search of Han. The universe is a big place, and so he helps her, showing her how to bridge the distance of space in a heartbeat, directing her toward Tatooine. He knows the planet well. He knows the region of space. And he knows what Han looks like through the Force. But his questing has always returned empty. Perhaps he's looking in the wrong place, but if Han's already on Tatooine, Luke hasn't been able to find him.

She's happy to feel Luke joining her, and their combined tendril finds Tatooine, finds the place where he thinks Han should be.

Leia bursts into tears before she consciously even knows why. She comes back to her body, burying her face in her hands.

The place where Luke expected to find Han is empty.

"He's not there," she says, looking at Luke questioningly through her tears. "He's dead--"

"That's not true," Luke immediately says, drawing her close. "Look." He's sitting next to her, illuminated like the sun through the Force, and then suddenly his light is gone. A maw of blackness exists where his light was, and billions of little tendrils are suddenly spiraling away, flailing into the darkness because their connection was severed. And then it's back, and the flow resumes right where it left off. "You can shield yourself from the Force. Han's encased in carbonite, and he's in stasis. We may not be able to penetrate it. And, for all we know, he may not even be on Tatooine yet."

Leia wants to be reassured, but she doesn't know enough about how it works. Finding nothing where she thought she might find Han is like looking out at the point in space where Alderaan used to be.

As a defense mechanism, she'd retreated completely into herself the second she'd become afraid Han was dead. For a moment, she hadn't even felt connected to Luke. Now, comforted by his words and touch, she slowly lets her walls back down, letting him inside her mind again.

"Shouldn't we still be able to feel him? If he's hibernating, isn't that like being asleep? I think I can still feel you when you're asleep...."

Luke doesn't want to say _I don't know_ because it's not reassuring, but the truth is, there's still so much about the Force he doesn't know or understand. And the real possibility does exist that Han might be dead. Even in that case, it does nothing to diminish Luke's desire to get Han back. Dead or alive, he belongs with his friends, not as some prize for the Hutts to display. "It's very far away, and very shielded. It's much deeper than sleep. He's not just resting, he's _frozen_. And if he's not on Tatooine yet, we might just be looking in the wrong spot. It's like searching for a specific grain of sand in the desert." He shakes his head. "I know Han's alive. I can't tell you how, I just know it. I _feel_ it." Maybe that is a different way to use the Force.

Leia looks into his incredible blue eyes. She wants to believe him. But she's still so scared. And that makes her feel ridiculous.

She notices, though, that Luke doesn't seem to feel threatened at all by her fear for Han's safety, her intense desire to have him back. He isn't jealous. He understands. They're together in their feelings. He's clearly already been trying to reach Han through the Force.

And he's sure Han is alive.

"I just wish we'd hear from Lando," Leia says, leaning into Luke's embrace.

Luke closes his eyes, and in a flash he's found Lando, alive and at least not in distress. He searches for Han near Lando, but again there's nothing. Putting an arm around Leia, he sighs softly. "I know. We have to give it time. Patience." He feels a little like Yoda in that moment, and knows exactly how frustrating that word is to Leia.

"Focus on something else. Try this." He raises his hand and begins to lift some stones near them, floating them to land on Leia's knee.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four:

It rains on Ylesia more than anywhere Luke has ever been, but that doesn't stop him from going out to train. His mind he can focus inside the warmth of the house, but his body isn't strong enough. Especially not his new right hand. Vader was able to push him around so easily. He needs more strength, and more calm.

And as much as he loves and needs Leia, he needs time alone, too. Time to process what he's learned, and to deal with the betrayal from Ben and Yoda not telling him the truth. He cannot hold onto the anger it makes him feel, he knows that, but he has to deal with it privately. He can't even tell Leia. He cries, too, privately, deep in the jungle. He knows Leia, if she's focused, could feel him, but it doesn't matter. He has no doubt she needs her own privacy to grieve, too.

The longer the wait for a contact from Lando takes, the more Luke feels they should move on to a new base. Perhaps even back to Yoda, to finish his training, but he resents what Yoda will tell him about his reckless behavior. And he doesn't want to deal with confronting Yoda about his parentage, especially if Leia's there, and he's not about to send Leia away. He knows he's being foolish; that he needs more proper training. But with the Jedi texts he's found and his own resolve, he feels he is making good progress.

And, deep down, the more he reads, the more he starts to believe that the Jedi failed _because_ they adhered too strictly to their rules. Luke listens to his heart. He knows it might be used against him one day, but if he didn't love Leia and Han and the others he couldn't fight as strongly.

And so he spends his days training and his nights studying, and he knows that it's driving feisty, problem-solver Leia restless. It's been weeks, and they've still heard nothing from Lando or Chewie. Luke can tell he doesn't need to be worried, that both are still okay, but even his patience is getting thin.

He returns home after a particularly heavy storm, soaked from the rain and aching from over-doing his exercises again. He's been particularly punishing himself physically lately. He's envisioning a hot bath and something warm to eat but draws up short when he sees the house is dark. Was there a power outage? Is Leia all right?

Picking up his pace, he scans the Force for her, and calls out, "Leia?" 

A few rooms away, Leia smiles mischievously, picking up one of the candles from the bathroom and bringing it into the main room of their cottage. Luke is standing there, and his hair, undershirt, and fatigues are soaked and muddy. She could sense that he wanted a hot bath hours ago, so she'd prepared.

Already naked herself, she sets the candle on a shelf and goes to Luke, kissing away his bewildered expression, pulling his shirt over his head and leaving it on the floor by the door. No sense tracking all that mud through the house. He gets the idea and helps her with his boots and pants, and she picks up the candle again, leading him back to the bathroom, warm and full of candles, with a hot bath already waiting in the big tub. This is supposed to be a honeymoon cottage, after all. "I hope this is okay," Leia says, laughing at herself. She knows how silly it is. "I was bored."

Luke _knew_ she wasn't in danger, but his heart is still thudding in his chest from imagining what might've been. All he can do is let out a bewildered laugh of delight at her setup. "You're incredible." He has kept himself so busy with training and studying that he has neglected Leia far too much. A smile curves his lip as he sees the big tub waiting, surrounded by candles. She'd finally made use of the ostentatious honeymoon package the cottage had come equipped with. "Then again, maybe I should let you get bored more often." He drinks in the sight of her naked, bathed in candlelight. He feels foolish standing there in mud and filth, but he can tell from the way she's looking at him that maybe she's quite happy with what she sees.

Leia bites her lip, so glad that he likes the surprise. "You've been working way too hard," she says. "And I know I do that, too, so when we're back with the fleet, and I'm pulling all-nighters to try to resolve political problems... I expect you to find ways to get me to slow down. Okay?"

Luke loves that idea. Of them existing, together, beyond this planet. Somehow it feels like a big secret right now, the farmboy and the princess. He wants to shout from the treetops about their love, but knows now is hardly the time. Instead he moves close to her and kisses her neck. "That's a promise." He moves his mouth to her jawbone, kissing a trail to her ear. "If I had it my way, you'd never get me off of you."

Leia draws a sharp breath inward. He's getting more confident with her, and that's probably the sexiest thing she's ever heard him say. She senses, from him, a flash of a thought about their future together, and she's glad he's thinking about it too. As bored as she's been, as against her character it's been for her to sit around a house all day, she's gotten used to the thought of the two of them coming home to each other. When they're back with Alliance, she can't imagine the two of them keeping separate rooms anymore. She doesn't know yet what that means for her and Han, but Han knew about her feelings for Luke and made it very clear that he wasn't trying to break that up. They'd just have to see. For now, she knows she wants Luke, and that he wants her, and she knows that she wants the two of them to keep wanting each other for a long time to come.

She pushes him away a bit, catching her breath. "Go rinse the mud out of your hair in the shower," she says softly. "Then get in the bath with me. I want to try something."

Luke raises an eyebrow in interest at her words, but does as he's told, watching her through the clear glass the whole time he's rinsing the muck and filth off. The sexual desire is high, but his heart is absolutely bursting with love for her in moments like these. When he's no longer in danger of soiling the tub, he returns to her and sinks into the hot water with an appreciative groan. "Wait, before you start anything funny." He sits up in the tub and kisses her. Not chaste, but not with the fire to ignite suns.

Leia doesn't understand for a moment, but then she feels the tenderness in his kiss, and her heart pounds. This is different. This isn't the ravenous hunger with which they haven't helped but kiss each other with since the first time they'd had sex. This is a kiss of deep love and appreciation. She pulls back a second, looking deeply into Luke's eyes, seeing the love there, and then she kisses him again the same way.

The universe seems to still around them. It's just the two of them, the silence, the burning candles, the warm water cradling their bodies. "You're so sweet," she says, reminding herself that she needs to leave space for his sweetness, because she loves it so much, and she doesn't want her fire to get in its way.

Luke ducks his head a little, almost bashful, but then refocuses his attention wholly on her. He is more than excited and eager to try anything she has in mind. It just didn't seem right to start without a welcome-home kiss, somehow. He grins. "I'm ready."

She draws a breath. "I know I didn't handle it well when we couldn't contact Han, and that we were making progress before that. I'm sorry, and I want to keep learning. I know now that I can feel the Force. But it's our connection that's really the most powerful part of that to me. The way we become one person when you're inside me.... What if we could do that when you're not? What if we could really feel everything about each other whenever we want to, or whenever we need to? What if we could control it? Can you imagine how much that could help us?"

With the bath tub and the candles and the pouring rain outside Luke was really expecting Leia to lay some fetish on him. He was bracing himself for whips and chains, or buzzing toys or maybe even stimulants of some kind. It takes a moment for his mind to backtrack and parse all of her words. "It would be helpful. But maybe also a bit distracting..." He gives her a playful grin. She's always working. Even sex is leading to ways to help the rebellion. "What did you have in mind?"

_Always working_ , she hears in her head, and she's a bit hurt. "Luke... that's not what I meant." Well, it's not _not_ what she meant, so she adds, "That's not all I meant." She puts a hand on his chest. "I'm in love with you. I want to share this with you. I want us to be as connected as we can be. And I know you want to teach me."

She has a flash of something, and wonders if it's a vision like Luke has sometimes. She's in incredible pain, panting, the wisps of her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat, and Luke is behind her, holding her, breathing with her, using the Force to help keep her calm and even and strong, his hand resting on her huge swollen belly. She knows, immediately, that the child is theirs, together.

Blinking as the vision fades, trying to ignore it in all its intensity, she wonders where it came from, and what it means. She's always been too busy to even think about having children. She's hardly considered it. But now....

She takes the vision to further prove to herself that she's not just thinking about the war, but about their relationship. Maybe that's all the vision means, anyway--confirmation of that fact. Still... she wouldn't mind looking at her child some day and seeing Luke's big blue eyes.

Luke gets a flash of her vision, nothing concrete, just the idea of it, the shape of the feeling, of _fatherhood_ , and part of him recoils just the smallest amount. He wants it so badly, to belong to Leia and for her to belong with him, and to create a family of their own together; two orphans drawn together by the universe and creating life together. But he can't. Not under she learns the truth about...

Leia shakes her head. They're both dazed, and she needs them to come back to the moment. "Here," she says, taking his hand. "We've never really taken our time, before." She guides his hand between her legs, and when he touches her, she closes her eyes, sighing, and mentally reaches for Luke.

When Leia takes his hand he realizes that his thoughts will soon betray his secrets if he's not careful. The last thing he wants is for Leia to find out about Vader when they're making love and she's merging her very soul with him. He focuses on her body, and locks away that dark secret as deep as he can before touching her questing energy. He wraps one hand around her middle so he can support her as his fingers seek out her nub. The light flashes in his eyes when they connect and like magic his fingers know exactly where to go and what to do to pleasure her, as though she herself were controlling his hand.

She feels him pull back mentally for a moment before joining her, but she doesn't know why--so when he opens up to her, she takes it at face value and welcomes him in completely. It's not like when he's inside her, not really. More like when they're meditating together. But that's her whole idea--if they can do something like meditating while touching each other, that would be a step towards total communication lightyears apart. A small step, but a step in the right direction. She puts her arms around Luke's shoulders and looks into his eyes. "Do you feel that?" she breathes between soft moans. "Can you feel what you're doing to me?" She thinks he can, because his relatively-inexperienced fingers are doing all the right things. In fact, she's amazed.

"It's not me," Luke breathes, staring back into her eyes, and starting to see himself reflected in her depths, but nothing nearly as intense as when he's inside her. "That's you, through me." But then he realizes, it _is_ him. It's both of them, together. Merging. And, incredibly, it feels almost as though he's doing it to himself. His body stiffens at the pleasure but he knows Leia's hands aren't on him.

Leia sees the effect it's having on him, and smiles. "It's both of us," she purrs. "Even if I was just touching myself, it would still be both of us." She doesn't know why she hadn't thought of it before. She pushes Luke's hand away gently, so he doesn't think it's because she wants him to stop. She just wants to experiment. She moves a couple inches away from Luke and slides a hand between her legs, looking at him as she pleasures herself, purposely maintaining their connection as deeply as she can without touch. "Do you feel it, now?"

Luke sucks the air through his teeth and nods. "Yeah." It's almost stronger than it was when he was touching her. Perhaps because she's using _her_ hand? The thought that they could somehow do this to each other across the lightyears makes him a bit giddy with love. He knows she wants to experiment, but he wants to touch her and kiss her properly. "It's incredible." He reaches down to stroke himself, to see what affect that has on her.

Leia draws in a huge gasp when Luke touches himself. She thinks that their pleasure amplifies one another's--it feels more than twice as strong than it did when it was just her touching herself, or just him touching her. "Oh, Luke," she moans, throwing her head back, biting her lip as she puts her fingers inside herself. She leans forward, kissing Luke deeply.

After a few minutes, she can't stand it anymore. They've played with this enough. "Just..." She pulls Luke close again. "Just do whatever you want to me. I want you so badly....”

Luke's barely holding it together himself. It's wonderfully pleasurable, but also almost torture to not connect with her fully, the way they need. He moves to her effortlessly, kissing her while using his hand to line them up. The long burn is gone and the fire erupts again as he thrusts into her, letting out a guttural groan of appreciation as he makes the connection. The candles around them sputter and then recover, as if they too were gasping at the intensity.

The last few times they made love hasn't been quite as intense. The foreplay and drawing it out really let them work up an appetite. "Leia," he moans, breaking the kiss so he can breathe, before reaching down to kiss her neck and feel her shoulders, her breasts, her hips. Everything he touches is like touching himself and that's exquisite in of itself.

Something about having Luke on top of her drives her mad. She wants to unleash the animalistic side of him, the part he holds in check so well most of the time, the part of herself she never really contains even when she's in politician-mode. She's always vying for dominance. Maybe that's why she wants Luke, someone she sincerely trusts, to take charge over her so badly. She moans as he ruts deep into her, one of his hands on her breast and one angling her hips. She lets her control evaporate into him, losing all sense of separateness, all thought. Her orgasm is the same as his orgasm, and she closes her eyes so tightly that she doesn't realize for a moment that all of the candles--which had flickered for a moment, earlier--had completely gone out.

Coming back to herself, she nuzzles Luke up from where his head is resting on her shoulder. "Did we... put out the candles?"

Luke's still panting too hard to reply at first, still seeing the sparks of their Force connection behind his eyelids. But when he manages to gulp down a few lungfuls of air and open his eyes, he finds the room plunged into darkness, save for the ambient light shining through the big window; Ylesia has no moons. "Must be a side-effect of Force orgasms," he muses, picking out her features through the darkness. Then, he focuses on one of the candles and blinks its flame back to life. "You try it." He's still inside her, going limp fast, but it's warm and full feeling and he's not quite ready to let her go.

She holds him close, as unwilling as he is to separate. She sees his face in the light of the one candle, and he looks sleepy and satisfied and so cute. She's proud of herself for being able to bring that out in him. He's so young and the moments that he lets himself just be young and happy are too rare.

Languidly, she lifts a hand off his back, reaching it towards the candle on the tub's edge beside the one Luke had lit. Closing her eyes again, she imagines that the lit candle is Luke, the candle beside it is her, and she makes the flame jump from his candle to hers. It's like when they share feelings. "I cheated," she admits, opening her eyes, glad to see that her candle lit in reality and not just in her mind. "But it worked."

All Luke can do is smile. _She's so clever_ , he thinks. Luke would sit there for ten minutes straining to light the candle next to Yoda's, and here she is effortlessly using his to light hers. It's such an elegant solution, and such a simple use of the Force. "You're amazing. That's not cheating, it's using the Force." He looks at her intently, their connection still strong. "You're strong in the Force, like I am. You have to promise me something. When we get Han back," he says, quite seriously, "you'll help me drive him crazy with stupid Force-tricks." He cracks his serious demeanor with a grin.

She'd expected Luke to ask her do it again, to tell her that what she'd done hadn't counted, that she needed to make fire out of thin air. But he admires her solution, her ingenuity. She smiles at him, then joins him in his laughter, imagining Han having to put up with not one but two of them. "Can you imagine how mad he's going to be, with us speaking silently?" For the moment, she doesn't feel afraid that they're not going to be able to rescue him. For the moment, she feels safe in Luke's embrace, safe in his conviction that there will _be_ a 'when we get Han back.'

Luke's glad she laughed. She's never more beautiful than when she's laughing, and he loves being the one to make her happy. And he can see that future brightly, the three of them together, happy and laughing. At long last he slips out of her, but keeps her close, holding her. He places a kiss on the nearest bit of her skin, his heart suddenly aching for the possibility of that future, and how afraid he is of it not coming to pass. "Who knows, maybe Han could do this too... with the right connection." Luke's strong in the Force and that's why he thinks he has been able to awaken Leia's dormant power. If she becomes strong in the Force too, perhaps she could do the same thing with Han.

Leia laughs again. "I think he would be offended by the insinuation. You know how he is about anything even slightly metaphysical." She pushes Luke's wet hair back from his face. "Can I ask you something?"

Luke once had this dream of everyone becoming Force sensitive and creating a whole Jedi army, even Han and Chewie... The thought is halted by her words. "Of course. Anything."

"I know your feelings for Han are... really strong. That you love him. But are you... are you _attracted_ to him?" She'd wanted to ask him before. She and Han had talked about it, and she hadn't been sure what to say.

"To _Han_?" Whatever Luke thought she was going to ask him, it hadn't been about his attraction to Han. His first thought is revulsion. Not because Han isn't handsome, but because that was always his first reaction to Han. Revulsion, and jealousy. He was older and supremely confident in a way Luke felt he could never be. And once they were in competition for Leia's affections and Luke thought his chances were slipping because of Han it colored his perceptions... "I'd never really thought about it." He looks away from her for a moment, his brain reeling. And not realizing she'd only thought it and not said it, he says, "Wait, you've talked to him about _me_ before?" 

Did Han find _him_ attractive? There were certainly times where Luke thought that Han might have been testing the waters... But Luke just assumed Han flirted with anything that moved. But the Han he met in Mos Eisley and the Han frozen in carbonite now are almost two completely separate people in his mind now. Luke would be dead twice over if not for Han's selflessness toward him, especially on Hoth. "He's... he's certainly not _un_ attractive." He studies Leia's face, searching. 

Leia weighs Luke's reaction. She'd known he wouldn't have seen the question coming, and she knows it's a touchy subject. But she doesn't want him to feel that he and Han are in competition with one another. They're not. She'd pick Luke if she had to, but she's determined to find a way to not have to. She smiles a little, hesitantly, when Luke admits that he thinks Han attractive, though he might mean objectively. It's a start. "He and I... we talk about you a lot." She shrugs. "It's always been pretty obvious how you feel about me, and Han's actually always thought I should encourage your feelings. He says you and I are perfect for each other."

She shifts a little in Luke's arms. She doesn't want to feel uncomfortable talking about this. She doesn't want to feel uncomfortable talking about anything, ever, but she especially doesn't want there to be any limitations to what she can share with Luke. Communication is going to be key if she's going to be able to be with both of them. So she presses on. "He's right," she adds. "I just had to wait for the right time. And I'm so glad I did. That I listened to my instincts with you. Because, Luke... this is...." She sighs. "I don't want to... put any uncomfortable expectations on you. But I don't know how else to interpret this. We _are_ perfect together. This has been _incredible_ and I want it to keep going... as long as we can. But I can't limit myself."

She thinks he understands, so she continues. "Anyway, Han said something to me about how he thought if you had any interest, he could think of an 'obvious solution.' I told him as far as I knew, you didn't think of him that way."

Luke's mind is processing the information. The concept of _sharing Leia_ with Han. Would Luke get her every-other-day? Or would it be like a weekly thing? Or just whenever? Would they all live together in a big house? Would they have separate beds? What about Chewie? The thoughts flash through him in a blur before he finds himself processing Leia's final words. The obvious solution?

"You mean... Me and _Han_?" He blinks several times. " _And_ you? All at once?"

She sees flashes of his thoughts, a jumble of questions. "I don't think we got that far into speculating about it," she admits. "It's just a thought. We'd have to feel it out. I mean... I think it would be... ideal." Her heart feels like it shrinks when she asks, "Would you be able to... to not be jealous, at least? Luke, you know how I feel about him. You've known that this whole time. I'm _not_ going to choose between you. Don't ask me to."

That's easy enough for him to answer, at least. "He loves you, Leia. And you love him. How could I be jealous of something that brings you joy? Your happiness is my happiness. I could never make you choose. I'm willing to try that. Or to share. If we're together and Han's there... Leia, when we're together _I am you_. Han won't be a problem." And, some dark part of him reminds him, he's glad Han will be there for her, in case she can't handle the truth about Vader, or something happens to Luke.

_I am you_. She hears those words audibly and in her mind, and she feels full of the words. This is beyond love. It includes love, a lot of love, true, blinding, comforting, lustful, giddy love, but there's a depth and a solidity to her feeling that tells her, in spite of her own fears, her own moments of doubt, that what they have is completely unshakable. This feeling seems older than both of them, as if it existed before they did themselves. And he never ceases to amaze her. She thinks she would love him no matter what he did, but everything he does somehow makes her love him more.

There's darkness at the end of his words, though, and she thinks he's worrying again about the fact that they haven't heard from Lando. Still. She brushes it off for now, but resolves to revisit their plans for Han's rescue later on tonight or tomorrow.

She smiles softly, not because she got her way, but because this boy leaves space for her to be who she is in a way that no one ever has before—Han's come very close. But Luke just accepts her. All the time. "Luke." She kisses him tenderly. "I love you so much."

Luke's heart bubbles with joy at her words, and he knows he'd go through anything to keep her, to preserve this. Even one night with her in a decade would be worth it. She's quite literally the sun to him. "Good," he says, kissing her back, playing softly. It is a serious topic, but it doesn't need to be a serious moment. He kisses her shoulders. "Now, does that love extend to helping me wash my back?"


	5. Chapter 5

It's less than a week later that Luke, caught in another particularly strong rain storm after going into town to gather more supplies, comes back with a cold that progressively gets worse throughout the night. Within six hours he's tossing and turning in bed, drenched in sweat. 

And he dreams.

Leia being tortured. Han frozen in the carbointe. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru's bodies burning in the house he grew up in. And then, Vader looming over him, his hand out. And that voice, booming in his ear, "Join me, _son_."

" _Father_ ," Luke moans, tossing in the bed. And across the lightyears, he feels Vader's presence, searching for him, and the connection is made--brief but bright--enhanced by his proximity to Leia and their own Force connection. 

And in that moment Luke's too out of it to stop it. "No," he cries. "Never..."

Luke and Leia both habitually shake each other awake from nightmares now, and they usually have little trouble going back to sleep in the big bed in the middle of the wilderness, cuddled in each other's arms. Often, they have nightmares at the same time, but whoever wakes up first wakes the other. They don't talk about the content of the dreams very often, since it's usually just Vader.

Leia, thinking Luke's just having another nightmare, wakes him. "You're dreaming, Luke," she murmurs sleepily, putting her arm back around his waist. Then she realizes how hot, yet clammy, his skin feels. "Do you have a fever?" she asks, sitting up abruptly, touching her wrist to his forehead. "Oh, Luke--you're burning up." Leia rises and pulls on her nightgown, going for the medical kit in the bathroom so she can take his temperature.

Luke thrashes and moans, not quite awakening. His mind is held in Vader's grasp. Now that Vader has latched on to him, he's enforcing the connection, drawing Luke closer, not letting him break away. "No. I'll never... Stop!" He suddenly bolts awake, panting hard, gripping his heart. His eyes are wide, seeing something else—some _where_ else--and it takes a moment before he realizes where he is and that Leia's with him. "Leia."

She's just coming back from the bathroom, sitting on the bed beside him with the kit in hand. "I'm right here. That must have been some nightmare," she says, feeling his panic, but having seen nothing of the dream itself. She takes a device out of the kit and runs it over Luke's forehead. She sighs and shakes her head at the result. "Thirty-nine. How do you feel?"

He's still in the dream. The connection is still there. His eyes see Leia, but she's not in the safe cabin in the jungle. She's next to Vader. She's glowing in the Force, and Luke can still see Vader there as well, clear as if he was standing beside them. And when Leia speaks, suddenly Vader's head turns to look at her, a billion white tendrils suddenly pouring off Vader toward Leia, and Luke screams, thrashing, launching himself at the apparition, knocking over the medkit and falling in a tumble of sheets to the floor as he does.

Only then, when the cool ground hits his hot skin does the connection break. He slams the Force closed around him, cutting himself off from everything--Vader, the trees, the stars, Leia. And he lies there on the floor, trembling, gasping, because despite the fever he's suddenly so cold, and _Vader knows_. 

He's _coming_.

Leia shouts his name and tries to catch him, but his confusion is effecting her, and she can't reach him as well as she usually can. After he hits the floor, she's about to rush to help him up, but suddenly--

She can't reach him at all. She can't sense his feelings.

For one terrible second she thinks he's dead or that he's hit his head hard enough to have at least knocked him very unconscious, but then she realizes she can sense his intention to keep her out, to keep everything out, and she knows he isn't hurt.

He _is_ sick, though. That's obvious. He's shivering. Whatever he's shutting himself out from, it's just because he's not thinking straight. She touches him timidly, saying his name. "Come on. You have a fever and you were dreaming. I told you you were working too hard. Help me get you back into our bed."

He recoils from her touch at first thinking it's Vader, not recognizing Leia because he's shut himself off so completely from the Force. It's like being blind, suddenly. It takes him several more seconds of staring to realize she's not the vision; she's the reality. He struggles to put his arms under him, to hold his own weight. "We... we have to leave." His entire body is drenched in sweat and shaking with sickness and fear, but he forces himself to his feet. " _Now_. H-he found me. He found _us_. He's coming." He doesn't need to say who.

Leia's heart drops and she feels nauseated with fear. Vader. He means Vader.

She's already mentally packing their few belongings and calculating the time it would take to trade the landspeeder for fare on a passenger ship offplanet, but she's also wary of acting too soon if he really is just having nightmares. This has been a good hideout for weeks, and they have nowhere to go until they make a plan with Lando. Plus, being on the run while Luke has a thirty-nine-degree fever doesn't sound advisable or comfortable. It could make them more vulnerable. Part of her has even let her guard down and started to adjust to... not the domesticity of their situation, but the security of it. The peace and quiet. Each other.

"How do you know it wasn't just a dream?" She asks. "What did you see?"

Luke staggers to the dresser he's stored his few items of clothes and begins getting dressed, stopping to lean heavily on the furniture so he can keep upright. "I saw _him_." He looks at her, his eyes haunted. "He found us, through me. Through the Force." He shivers, angry with himself. What fool. He'd practically been lighting a beacon for any Force-user to read. "He... he was standing there. Right there." He gestures to an empty space on the floor. "And then he saw _you_." He pulls on his shirt. "It wasn't a dream, Leia. He's been searching. He must've..." He wipes sweat from his forehead, staring at it. How can he be so cold and yet sweating so profusely? "This must've weakened me enough to let him in..." He feels his vision swimming, but he starts grabbing the rest of his clothes to shove into his bag. "He knows where we are. I'm sorry."

Leia isn't sure what to say, but she believes him. "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault." It was both of us, she thinks. The way they heighten each other's abilities. It was both of them.

Does that mean they have to stop?

Leia swears internally at herself for even for a second prioritizing her pleasure over her and Luke's safety, hope for Han, and hope for the Alliance. If they have to stop they have to stop and that's just how it is.

Which makes her furious. How dare Vader take another thing away from her? After everything else.

She helps Luke finish getting dressed and makes him take something to bring his fever down, then gets dressed herself. Luke's waiting at the speeder when she gets outside only minutes later with her one small bag. She takes a last look at the house. Who knows when they'll have this kind of peace again? Or if they even will. "You ready?" she asks. He doesn't look well.

"No." He's shivering more now that the medication is starting to work. "But we have no choice." It's taking all of the weak energy he has to keep himself shut off from the Force. It's extremely good practice, but something he should've been training for all this time, in addition to opening himself up to it. Trying to deal with it now, while terrified and sick, is straining him completely. 

In the event he passes out, he says as soon as they start, "There's no time to sell the speeder. Get passage on the first ship leaving port." He doesn't dare open himself to the Force to see where Vader is, but the urge is indescribable. "You need to close yourself off from the Force as well, Leia." He curls up in the speeder seat, feeling his consciousness fading. "I have to stay awake," he murmurs. "Don't let me sleep."

"You need to sleep," Leia says, starting the speeder. "And I don't know how to block... anyone." She looks at Luke, and she's never seen him more miserable, more afraid, except the time between pulling him off the weather vane below Cloud City and their jump to hyperspace. "You're right about the speeder. At least we'll be safe once we've gone to lightspeed."

In spite of her protests, throughout the drive to the spaceport, Leia says, "stay awake" whenever she sees him fading, and he snaps his eyes open. They book a berth on a huge passenger liner bound for Corellia, where they should be able to transfer to anywhere they want to go. It's risky because it's in the Core, but it's the first ship out of there, and at least they can fade into the crowd.

It takes three days for Luke to completely recover from his illness, and that's only because on the passenger liner they're able to get him adequate medical supplies. It takes almost that long to get to the Core--the ship is designed for luxury, not necessarily speed--but they're safe despite reports coming out about an unexpected Imperial fleet paying a visit to the Hutt mining colony on Ylesia.

When the fevered sickness finally releases its hold on Luke, he finds himself in an unfamiliar bed, on an unfamiliar ship. "Leia?" he calls out, tentatively. He's slept on and off, and his dreams have been riddled with Vader chasing him. It's hard to know what really happened.

They're in hyperspace, and Leia feels now that she can let her guard down enough to sleep at the same time as Luke--which has been almost all the time since they left planet. His lucidity has been spotty at best, so when he wakes up and seems to genuinely ask for her, genuinely know she's lying beside him, she has no trouble going from fast asleep to wide awake.

"Luke!" she exclaims, sitting up in her nightgown with her hair down, turning on a light. "It's okay, we're safe." She touches his forehead, relieved to find it the right temperature. "You've had a fever for almost four days. You keep dreaming about Vader and your father, I think--that's what you've been talking about, anyway. How do you feel?"

A wave of nausea floods over Luke at her words, but it's clear from her face that Leia hasn't put the two together. How could she? He hugs her out of relief. They're not captured. Vader didn't find them. He's still closed himself off to the Force, but it's okay. They're okay. He doesn't let her go.

"I feel terrible," he murmurs into her collar. "But better. I can think clearly again." At least as clearly as possible without the Force at his side. He hadn't realized how much he'd come to rely on it. Pulling back slightly, he looks into her eyes. "And you?"

"I'm fine," Leia says, awed that he asked after all he's been fighting. It feels good to have Luke's arms around her, to hear his voice actually addressing her consciously. "I was real worried," she admits, and then realizes how often she's said those words to him. "How come you're always the one who gets sick or injured or lost in the snow?" She kisses his check as they hold each other. They're like two children clinging to one another after a long absence.

"Not everyone can be as strong as you." Luke starts to chuckle, but it dissolves into a brief cough. He's undone weeks of training over the last four days, and with Vader so close on their trail, actively searching for him, they'll have to change their tactics. "Where are we headed?" He sits up, feeling his vertigo passing after having laid down for so long. "Were we recognized?"

"No--no, we're safe. We're on a luxury liner to Corellia. We'll be there in the morning. Of course, once we're there, we'll have to immediately head somewhere else, and then establish contact with Lando again, somehow." Leia shakes her head. "I'm hopeful about that, but... Luke, how did Vader find us? They're saying an Imperial convoy showed up after we left."

Luke's thoughtful face is immediately replaced by intensity at her final words. The confirmation that he'd been right: Vader was hot on his trail. "The Force. Of course he can find me, same as I can find Lando or you or Han. When we're together, maybe it's stronger and he could pick up on that. And when I was sick..." He shakes his head. "I wasn't being careful enough. I have to learn how to open up enough to use the Force but not enough to let him find me."

Leia looks away, and insists to herself that she isn't going to show him how much this scares her, how much it hurts. "Luke, it's me. I'm amplifying your presence. We have to...." She is not going to cry. Not at all. Her eyes are not even going to get wet. "Maybe we should split up for awhile. Until we have better control."

Luke has come to the same conclusion, but he can't bring himself to say it, despite knowing that his very presence might lead Vader directly to her. He doesn't need the Force to read her emotions now, either. If she's frightened of him, of what he might cause to happen, he'll understand and find a safe place to keep her. But if she's being brave for his sake... "Is that what you want?"

"Of course not!" Leia nearly shouts, but just manages to keep her voice at a more neutral volume. The berth is soundproof, but Luke's been so sick, and she doesn't want to jar him too badly. He couldn't possibly think she doesn't want to be with him, after everything that's happened in the past couple months. She wishes he'd let her back in, because she's gotten used to both of them knowing what the other is feeling, and she's stumbling around blindly without that connection. "But it doesn't matter what I want. What I want never matters." She anxiously gathers her hair up and twists it into a bun. "We have to keep you safe, we have to rescue Han, and we have to fulfill our obligations to the war effort. If us being together jeopardizes any of that... Luke, I am not losing you. Last time Vader took your hand and left you for dead. I'm not letting him get near you again. I'd fight him with my bare hands before I'd let him touch you."

Leia starts to stand up and Luke reaches out to grab her wrist, firmly but gently, to keep her there. His heart is bursting at her words, but aching too. Not long ago he would have let himself get swept away by this take-control Leia. He was naive and she seemed strong and opinionated and worldly. He was happy to blindly follow. Now, he knows this is Leia's way of coping; of suppressing. She can't control Vader, but she can control what she does about it. He doesn't want to take that away from her, but he can't sit by and watch her decide what she thinks _he_ wants. 

"Don't," he says, gently, lovingly. He pulls her back to him. "Of course you don't want to separate. Neither do I. I was a fool thinking you might be frightened of staying with me. I don't want Vader to find you... _us_. If you want to separate, I understand that. I would never make you stay. But... how am I supposed to learn how to keep him out if you're not here? I have to be able to use the Force when we rescue Han. I'm blind without it. But I have to learn to control it; to minimize how much of my presence he can read. I need your help. Here. I need you."

"I'm not frightened of anything," Leia insists, then laughs self-consciously because she knows how obviously untrue it is. "I mean... I'm trying to be practical." But she lets him pull her into his arms, and then they're lying back down, letting their muscle memory place them in a familiar position for holding each other, Leia's arm around his waist, her cheek on his collarbone, the top of her head against his jaw. They're part of each other. They could never be separate. Never. Even if they were galaxies apart. Wasn't that the idea, anyway? What they wanted.

It is what she wants.

"We're safe for now. We'll always be safe in hyperspace. He has no way of knowing where we're going. If we stay on the run... maybe we'll be okay."

Tension melts out of Luke as he holds her, melding back into her, back into _himself_. He strokes her hair slightly, untangling her bun. "That's not a bad idea." It'd be expensive, but all Luke really needs is to find a few weak-minded captains. He needs to work on his persuasion tricks as well, after all. And Corellia is a great place to find transport to somewhere else. "When we hear from Lando and Chewie, we will have to separate if we want our plan to work... But not before then.

"Which means, we have until we get to Corellia for me to learn how to use the Force without using enough to alert Vader to my presence." His heart is suddenly thudding because he doesn't know how to do it, but, closing his eyes to the Force, he opens what he hopes is just the smallest, thinnest tendril to Leia. A single strand, and it flows out of him and into her, barely a few millimeters in length due to their already close proximity.

And just that single connection alone is like turning a candle on in a dark room. He wants more, but he can _see_ her now, and he lets out a little sigh of relief.

Leia's sigh mimics his, a fraction of a second later. "That feels good," she says aloud, though she knows she doesn't have to. She purposely focuses on their connection, letting it grow gently. His hands in her hair feel good, too, and for the first time since the night they left, Leia feels comforted.

She wants the war to be over. Any righteous thrill she'd gotten as a teenager from defying the Empire has been gone for years. It's even started wearing on Luke since Hoth. Her daydreams have become of restoring the Republic senate, living in an apartment on Coruscant. With Luke. Maybe with Han, too, but she didn't put too much stock in that due to his obvious fear of commitment. And her and Luke's children, she adds with hesitation, somewhat aware that the idea had been growing on her since her vision. Peace, but still work to do. Work that makes a difference. None this constant struggle that just leaves her feeling frustrated and ineffective.

All she can do now is help Luke learn to control his abilities. And make him rest, for Force sake. "I'll help however I can. Take it easy, though. You've been really sick."

"This _is_ helping," Luke murmurs, basking in the Force connection again. It is perhaps the most helpful thing he could do right now. "I can't believe how lost I felt without it."

Leia smiles warmly and rises up on her elbows. She kisses Luke's forehead very softly, then the bridge of his nose, then the tip of his nose, then his lips, just a touch. The whole while, she touches him with gentle tendrils of energy. "I missed you, too." She closes her eyes, reaching deeper into Luke, feeling the damaged and painful parts of him and focusing as much intention into those places as she can. She just means to caress him, but after a few moments she realizes she's actually, somehow, helping to repair him. It's incremental, but it's happening.

It's sensual instead of sexual, but just as intimate, if not more. Leia literally inside him, fixing him. After a few seconds, Luke returns the favor, more timid because of fear that Vader will sense him, but he spreads his energy into her, seeking the damage, and almost recoils from what he finds. "Leia," he gasps, drawing her close. There's a chasm of pain inside her covered in diamonds that he'd somehow never noticed. Not that he didn't know she had great hidden inner pain, but knowing is one thing. Touching it with the Force is another thing entirely. Even full-power, Luke couldn't heal these wounds. They are massive; they _are_ Leia. They are what makes her who she is... but at such a cost. "Oh, Leia." He holds her close and pours his love into her. He can't heal those wounds, but he can try to fill her emptiness.

It will be years until either of them really have time to heal from everything this war has done to them, but for now, this is enough to keep them going. "It will be okay," Leia says, lying her head on her lover's chest, where she can hear his heart beating. "We're going to get through all of this, together."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six: 

They spend the next day reassuring each other, resting, meditating, stilling their minds, and working on their defenses and their connection simultaneously. When they land in Coronet City, Leia's almost nervous enough to tremble, which has happened to her so few times she can count them on one hand. 

She and Luke trade uneasy smiles as they take each other's hands and disembark, their psychic walls maintaining a precarious barrier to the outside while they try, at the same time, to keep a small tendril of connection between them and awareness of their surroundings. They've given themselves two hours to try to get in touch with Lando and Chewie, and then they have to be on another ship bound for anywhere, the slower the better. The more time they spend in hyperspace, the more time they have that they can use the Force more or less openly--without fear of Vader discovering their location.

Leia breaks into a public communication terminal at the spaceport and reroutes her message to make it look like it's coming from Arkanis, sends it to the Falcon's computer: BOTH SAFE. UPDATE?

She and Luke sit on the floor in the booth for twenty stressful minutes before the reply comes: ALL SAFE. L IN. UPDATE SOON.

That is all they can risk sending and receiving from this terminal, but they're so happy to hear back--and to hear that Lando has successfully infiltrated Jabba's palace--that they immediately turn to each other and kiss in celebration. Maybe there's still real hope, Leia thinks.

With Luke's influence they're able to book a cheap passage on a freighter with passenger berths headed to the Outer Rim, near the Arkanis system. He wants to be close when the signal finally comes in. If Lando's already in place, it meant things are getting close, and he doesn't feel ready. He hadn't even begun working on a new lightsaber, though the Jedi texts explained the principals of how to make one.

Once the message is complete and their passage is booked, they spend their last few minutes buying supplies. Luke gets some new clothes, some of the parts he needs for a lightsaber, and little else. He'll have to find a crystal wherever they end up next. 

And then they're in the black of space again, this time sharing a much smaller, less comfortable room, but still together. Still connected. 

"I wish I had more space..." He's been exercising in their small cabin, doing push ups and stretches. But there's no space for jumping, for using the Force to move large objects around, or for swinging even a practice sword.

It's a claustrophobic room without even a small viewport. Leia's lying on their bed, the smallest they've had of the last three, her feet kicked up against the wall at the bed's head, her hair hanging off the side down to the floor. She's been casually and unabashedly watching Luke do calisthenics with his shirt off, partially out of boredom and partially because she's watching his muscles move under his damp, flushed skin. "I don't think anyone would care or notice if you went for a run around the ship. Lots of people do that," she offers, though she knows that both of them are still feeling more skittish than usual following their near-miss with Vader.

"I can run in place. What I need to practice is--" Luke scans the room again for something to lift. The bed is bolted and melded into the floor; a part of it. All of the furniture is, even the chair at the tiny desk. The only thing of size are the blankets and pillows, and, Luke tilts his head, then grins slightly. He unfocuses his eyes and concentrates, using as minimal amount of Force as possible to gently lift Leia off the bed. It still takes him more concentration to lift objects than he'd like, but he's much better than he was back on Dagobah. He opens his eyes to see her reaction.

Leia knows exactly what he's thinking when he looks at her, but she still gasps and starts giggling as soon as she starts to float. "Luke!" she laughs, "Put me down!" But she's ecstatic that he's playing, and it's too funny, and she feels secure in his care. "How would you like it if I lifted you, farmboy?"

Luke grins, but has to keep his concentration on keeping her airborne. He floats her closer, right into his waiting arms, then gently releases her and sighs. "I'd love to see you try, princess." He kisses her before returning her to the bed. 

Leia throws a pillow at him, laughing through a mock-angry face. "You don't think I could?"

Luke catches the pillow and swats it back at her, using the Force. It's funny and fun, and actually not bad practice. He thinks, in time, she absolutely could lift him. If she concentrated on it and trained the way he has, he's positive she could learn. But that's not funny. He knows size doesn't matter. He knows do or do not. But what he says is, "You're what, twenty pounds soaking wet?"

"Which would make you, what, twenty-two pounds?" She catches the pillow in her hands and tosses it back to him, picking up another and standing on the bed in one motion. Now they're both armed. "You wanted dueling practice--come get me!"

Luke's laughing too much to do anything at first, but when she makes the first swing he retaliates. Holding the corner of a cheap pillow and lobbing it at your girlfriend isn't quite like fighting with a lightsaber, but it is giving his arms a work out. And Leia is surprisingly quick and hard to hit. "Hey! Get back here!" He ends up throwing his pillow at her as she retreats, rendering him defenseless. 

"Bad move!" she laughs, using her pillow as padding between them when she tackles him and pushes him onto the bed.

Luke could push her off fairly easily, even without the Force, but he's enjoying where this is going. He hits the bed with an _oof_ and a smile, but then grabs her arms and reverses their position fairly easily so he's on top, pinning her down. She's gorgeous, so vibrant and full of life. Jedi powers and dark lord fathers don't compare to the incredible sensation he has knowing somehow someone like her could love _him_. "Now, you'll pay for that." And he begins a tickle assault.

She feels a jolt of excitement in her stomach when Luke turns her over and pins her, and she doesn't really resist. But she shrieks with laughter when he starts tickling her, and she squirms under his body. "No! Let me go!" she manages between laughs, but she never wants him to let go.

The tickling doesn't last long. Just enough to make her squirm. But then he kisses her. Almost impulsively because she's there and he knows she wants him to. It's a sensation he'll probably never quite get used to; belonging and feeling wanted. "You make a pretty good sparring partner," he murmurs before kissing her neck. "You've found my one weakness..."

"Don't worry," Leia purrs, pulling his hair gently as she's overcome by his kisses. He's learned now where the most sensitive spots are on her skin, and just how to tease them. "I won't tell anyone." She reflexively tilts her hips up towards his. "I love watching you work out. Is that creepy?"

"Not unless loving you watching me work out is creepy." He runs his hands down her hips and thighs. It's been a while since they made love; he's been too sick and too afraid of what would happen with the Force. "I'm gonna keep it throttled," he warns her. Just the small flow between them; no unleashed supernovas of love. This is practice too, in a way. When he's with her, his desire is through the roof. He wants to let it all go and meld into her completely. If he can control himself when they're like this.... 

Kissing her again he pushes her legs up and apart, and it's only a few moments more before he's inside her, gasping at the sheer _relief_ and sensation of _rightness_ that washes over him.

Leia's mind and body arch up to meet Luke's and she gasps at the intensity with which he takes her. She feels him holding back from her in the metaphysical realm, but he's so hard and so confident when he enters her. He really does learn fast. And she's been wet since his first push-up earlier, so for her it's about time. She meets his eyes gasping his name. "Do you think--can we do this? Are we safe? I mean even if we keep it down.... Oh!" She throws her head back, digging her nails into his skin.

They're deep in hyperspace, and Luke is keeping a strong lockdown on his abilities. In a way, it's good. It's heightening his appreciation for the tangible. The feel of his body inside her, not his soul and essence, but that incredible intimacy of actually, physically thrusting into her body, and feeling her welcome him. Some of that beauty and intensity got swallowed by the blast of Force emotions before. This is more visceral and real, and so good in a completely different way that he's almost glad they're being forced to try it another way. "It's all right," he growls into her ear, his body working harder and faster. He doesn't know how he knows it's all right, just that he does. For the time being, Vader's lost them; his attentions are focused elsewhere, and this blip of Force passion between them isn't enough to ring out across the lightyears. "It's just us."

"Oh, thank the Force, because I was starting to go crazy," Leia exclaims. "That feels really good." She can tell he's paying more attention to her body than usual--not that he has ever done a single thing she hasn't loved, but he usually acts a little distracted. She misses their shared awareness, but she also likes making him work for it.

She holds onto him with her thighs and steers him flat onto his back, still deep inside her. Sitting up tall, Leia pulls her dress off over her head, watching Luke watch her. Now that he has a good view of all of her, she moves her body over his with slow, deep, rocking movements.

Luke starts to call her name, but he just manages a moan. He grabs her hips and thighs to hold onto and starts to meet her movements with his own thrusts, never taking his eyes off hers. She's incredible, and it's so good to watch her enjoying herself, using his body. He can't lose himself in her eyes the way he can when they're Force connected, but it's still indescribably good.

And yet he wants more. Without the Force, there's something missing; the build up is much slower. He sits up, without dismounting her, and drags her mouth to his for a rough kiss. He squeezes her ass to bring her closer and props himself up against the headboard so he can focus his energy on his hips and how his body is working inside of hers.

Leia calls out in response, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and bringing more of their skin into contact. He's hitting all the right spots and the power behind his insistent thrusts is driving her to the edge and holding her there. "Like that," she pants into his ear. Then, feeling him start to pulse, unsure if she'll follow him immediately without their full connection open, she begs, "Luke, tell me you want me to come."

Luke's already drowning in her embrace, and her words ignite even more fire in him. "Come, Leia," he gasps, already filling her and still working his hips. He holds her firmly with one arm, but reaches down to the place they join and lets his fingers find her swollen numb. Without the Force to guide his fingers, like in the bathtub, he's not as precise, but he remembers what she likes and he knows she loves being filled by him while he touches her. "Let go," he encourages. "Come for me."

As soon as Luke's last word is out of his lips, Leia comes with a loud moan, her whole body shuddering against Luke's. "Oh! Oh... Luke!" she shouts as soon as she can, but the orgasm doesn't end for a few more seconds, still. "Oh, Luke," she breathes as her body starts to relax, collapsing against him. "Luke, hold me. Oh... that was... amazing."

Luke holds her as she trembles, stroking her back, kissing her neck and jaw and ears as he feels her shaking through her orgasm. "Leia," he whispers. "My Leia." He wraps his arms around her, holding her so close, skin to skin, drinking in her sexual musk, the scent of her skin, the fragrance of her hair, and memorizing every last detail. Even without the Force powering a melding between them, the sex is intense and incredible. It seems like every time it gets better, and maybe it does as they continue to grow more and more comfortable together and with expressing their desires. "You're incredible."

Leia smiles softly. "You're the incredible one. I don't know what I did to deserve this. A blond, muscular, kind, sensitive Jedi Knight for a partner. Best sex of my life on not one but two planes of existence. I know I'm embarrassing you so stop trying to hide it," she finishes, laughing.

Luke would be blushing if his blood hadn't recently been redirected elsewhere. "I'm just a farmboy. You're a _princess_. One of the leaders of the Alliance. You were out here fighting the war, giving orders and saving lives while I was still playing with space toys in my bedroom. I don't know what I did to deserve _you_." He stares at her, serious but playful. "I don't know how we found each other." He does. He knows it was the Force. But even knowing that doesn't make it believable. Why did the Force bring them together? Surely not because he's Darth Vader's son. The Force won't reward him for that, if the Force even worked like that.

Leia laughs fondly at the thought of Luke playing with toys so recently. She loves him so much. "Our fathers both knew Ben Kenobi during the other war," Leia says, using the name Luke always calls him instead of his title, like she usually does. Ben, she thinks. I like that name.

It's still miraculous, though, that the two of them would happen to meet and fall in love, and that it would be so good. They haven't had a single actual fight, and when they disagree they work it out with only a little deliberation, and with perfect respect for each other's feelings and views. They make each other laugh. They're extremely attracted to each other, and their sexual chemistry is better than Leia had known was possible. Their personalities are identical in some ways and complimentary opposites in others. And the fact that they would be able to establish such a deep Force connection so easily... it does seem unlikely. They met because of Kenobi, but what could possibly explain their perfect compatibility? Maybe it is meant to be, after all.

"I'm just glad we did," Leia sighs into his chest as he runs his fingertips over her back.

"Me too," Luke murmurs, kissing her again, before gently shifting her in his lap. "And I'm glad that we were able to do that with just a small Force connection. It was nice that way, too. I thought it might be disappointing, but it wasn't at all." He kisses her again, drunk off his love for her. He knows it's a tender subject, for both of them, but he quietly says, "I wish you could've met my aunt and uncle... I think they'd really like you."

She wishes they could bring each other home. She imagines her father doting in him, encouraging him, praising the work he's done so far with the Alliance. She imagines Luke's Aunt Beru welcoming her into the family. "I'm sure I would have liked them, too. I mean, they did such a good job with you, how could I not?" She nips at his neck teasingly. "So we're at the ‘meet the parents' stage of things, I suppose. Too bad neither of us can do that...."

Luke feels the guilt of lying to Leia--or at least not telling her the truth--threatening to swallow him up again. He pulls a sheet up over them, keeping Leia close. He'd ask her to marry him and promise to spend their rest of their lives together right then and there if Vader weren't looming over them. 

What if he just told her? 

She loves him so much... surely she'd understand. Luke has nothing to do with Vader's choices. But he can't bear to break up the moment. To face the outcome of what-ifs. It'd cast a long shadow of doubt over her... over everyone.

Luke had to defeat Vader first. Only then could he tell his deepest secret. "Leia," he begins, his tone suddenly serious, his eyes not rising to meet hers. "There's something I need to tell you... only I absolutely can't. Not yet. But keeping it from you is so hard... so unfair. Whenever I finally can tell you, I want you to know I wanted to tell you now. I've wanted to tell you for a long time." Please understand, he thinks. _Please_.

They're not as open to each other through their psychic connection as Leia would prefer, haven't been since Luke was sick, but she can still sense some, and she feels his overwhelming happiness fade into fear, then something she can only describe as mourning. It's like he's watching their relationship fall apart in his head. Maybe he's nervous. Or maybe this has something to do with losing his aunt and uncle. Whatever it is, he isn't going to tell her. He says he can't.

She almost wiggles out of his arms, rejecting whatever reason he could possibly have for keeping things from her. She thought they were completely honest with each other, and her initial reaction is to take this as a betrayal. Of her trust. Of her love. Of their friendship. She's ready to be angry at him, wrathful. To give him a lecture on what a partnership is and how _dare_ he think that he can screw her and then intentionally hide things from her, things he knows he should share but stubbornly doesn't.

But in a moment, all of that melts away when she sees how much pain he's in. Whatever it is, it's something that's tearing him up. And she knows intuitively that she needs to trust him. That his heart is with her and he will be honest with her as soon as he can. That it will make everything harder for him if she tries to rush whatever process he's going through, because he needs her to help him get there. So, against her usual inclination, but true to her better judgment, her instincts, and what she knows about Luke, Leia turns his face so she can look into his eyes, and says softly, "I'll be here when you're ready to talk about... whatever it is."

Even without a strong Force connection flowing between them, he feels Leia's anger swell and abate, and knows this is the right way to do it, at least for now. At least he can feel some comfort in preparing her for what's to come. She knows there's a secret. "Thank you," he says, and his eyes are glossy. He's not crying, but the emotions are there. It's not right to want Leia to comfort him because of the horror that is his father, but Luke wishes he could tell her, and that she could help him grieve. But it's something he has to do alone. "I love you. Never doubt that for a second."

She furrows her brow. Why or how could she ever think Luke doesn't love her? When he's around her, Luke is like a vessel for love as much as a person. What could he think is going to happen? Knowing him, he's probably worried about nothing. "I love you, too," she says. She kisses him softly. "Don't worry so much."

Luke smiles, relieved, but the inner tension remains, and he knows it will remain until she knows the truth. There's no way it won't affect her; them. He hopes Han is around when it happens, because even if he can't turn to someone for comfort, he wants her to be able to have someone, and Han is the obvious choice. Luke has no desire to face Vader, but for his own health and future, he is anxious to push things along. Rescue Han. Defeat Vader. Live happily ever after.

If only it could be so easy.


	7. Chapter 7

At every spaceport, they exchange truncated messages with Chewie on the _Falcon_. The format is always the same, and the information needs a context to understand, and the signals are scrambled and rerouted to insure their safety. The ships are all different, but they fade into one another after a few weeks--a dozen, two dozen private rooms, the anxiety and tension and training and study broken up even now by laughter and tenderness and sex. 

Leia doesn't feel the same around Luke anymore knowing that they don't share everything--that he still refuses to tell her--but she doesn't hold it against him, and she doesn't love him any less. She just doesn't understand, and she's frustrated by the distance it puts between them. What she wouldn't give to completely merge into him, mind, body, and soul again. She aches for him.

He isn't lost to her, though, and when they find each other across the distance, which they do often enough, it's joyous. Even their silence feels full of awareness of each other. Leia sometimes has to leave the room to keep herself from pouncing on him when he exercises, as all it takes to get him to stop is to be aware of her desire. She just has to give him a certain look, or bite her lip, or tilt her hips a little, and he can't concentrate anymore. It's fun, but there's work to do, so Leia manages to behave herself--most of the time. They still don't open to each other fully with the Force when they make love, but they become accustomed to communication in gentle emotional nudges. It's imperfect at best, but it's all they feel that they can risk for now.

Finally, one day, they get a message from Chewie telling them to come home.

It's time to go to Tatooine.

Luke can't believe he's going back. He knew that they had to return because that was where Han had been taken, but it still feels unreal. It's only been a few years, but his life on Tatooine feels like a lifetime ago. It doesn't feel like home. Home is with Leia, now. There's nothing for him on Tatooine.

Except Han.

It's too suspicious to have anyone waiting at the space sport for them, so they arrive alone. Luke's picked up a dark cloak to wear over his dark clothes to help conceal him. He's doubtful that anyone will recognize or remember him, but he's not taking any chances. Leia has a matching cloak too, and they merge into the space port with the rest of the scum and villainy, meeting up with Chewie and the droids in a small rented apartment.

\---

"You're confident you can do this?" Luke asks her, after they've been discussing the finalized plans for some time. There is a lot of room for error, and it is very likely that once Han is freed they'll get caught before escaping. Especially if Han isn't in a good condition to escape. And, even once Han is freed, they'll have to get Chewie out of his cell, too. 

Luke is confident he could take care of any situation if he were there, but the safest start is just to send in Leia. 

Alone.

Leia takes off the helmet she'd been trying on, with the voice modulator. "I'm certain," she says darkly. She's nervous, but she knows she can do it, and she doesn't want anyone to treat her like she's delicate. Basically, there are two versions of the plan--one assuming she can escape with Han after freeing him from the carbonite, and one that requires her to be captured and for Luke to show up thereafter. She'd send him a message through the Force to let him know which way it goes. After Luke comes, there are another two versions, one which assumes that Luke is able to rescue them, and one that assumes he, too, will be captured.

No one really thinks she and Luke will avoid capture. This is going to get really ugly, but it's designed to.

"Are you... ready, you know...?" Leia asks. She walks up to him, and she knows he isn't really, but he seems taller now than he used to. Maybe it's the new, sleek black clothes, or his better posture--he's in amazing shape. Maybe it's just that he seems older. Running from Vader and whatever's been troubling him for the past few months has made a man out of him. Well, Leia thinks to herself, smiling, maybe that isn't all it was. Maybe she had something to do with it.

She knows it's not the point, but she says, "You look handsome," because he does, and she wants him to be happy with himself, for what it's worth.

Luke smiles at her words. He feels good. He feels confident, especially with her by his side. He's not afraid of sending her in alone. He knows she can do this, and he knows she has to be the one to do it. "Thank you," he says, and resists kissing her. It's not that he thinks Chewbacca will tear his arms out of their sockets if he does, but he'd rather not risk it. For now, until they can talk through it with Han, it's better to keep their connection a bit on the downlow. "There's just one last thing I need to do. I want to visit Ben's place... just to see if there's anything there. It shouldn't take long."

And he still needs to finish his lightsaber. He hasn't told her about that yet. He's not even sure he can do it. He's read the guides and he's acquired all of the pieces he thinks he needs, but he hasn't finished it. He's fairly confident he can do what he needs to do without the lightsaber, but something tells him to go to Ben's place and finish the construction there. Perhaps Ben will visit him when he does.

"Remember. I'll be with you every step of the way," Luke reminds her.

She wants to jump into his arms, but they agreed. None of that in front of mutual friends until they talk to Han. She knows Luke'll be there. He's already with her, in the strings of energy connecting them, and somehow partially inside of her also. Just a little. She nods. "And I'll be checking in. It's going to work."

Luke hugs her, because they've always hugged. And then he hugs Chewbacca. "She'll take care of you," he tells the Wookie. "Don't worry." He laughs at the retort Chewie gives him, and ducks away. It's nice to have a light moment before the dark. "I'll be seeing you soon."

And then he's gone, back into the deserts of Tatooine, on a rented speeder flying over dunes that haven't changed at all since he left. It doesn't take him long to find Ben's old house. He was worried it might've been raided or destroyed in the meantime, like his own home was, but not enough time has passed yet and he finds it still intact, albeit covered in sand and dust.

He spends the night there, waiting for word from Leia. He knows she's alive and well, but there are only feelings. So he focuses on constructing his lightsaber, and searching for answers for his own life. He finds a few things in Ben's house to take with him, but they're merely mementos. Ben is gone, and he never had much to tie him back to the Jedi Order in the first place.

No ghost visits him while he's there, and some part of Luke is relieved. He's coming to terms now with the truth about his father, but confronting Ben about it before potentially having to face Jabba wouldn't help his mind. He needs to be calm and confident if the plan ends up going the way he suspects. They'll all need him to play his part perfectly.

The lightsaber he constructs is green and lush, like the jungles and trees he's learning to love, nothing like the barren desert and endless blue skies of Tatooine. He practices with it out there in the desert, until it becomes an extension of his arm. And then he gives it to R2-D2 to keep. It's a last resort that he'll only use if he must. He has to go in unarmed.  
\--

After successfully negotiating a high price for Chewbacca, Leia, disguised as a bounty hunter, is in with Jabba's court, and she braces herself, biding her time until everyone is asleep. Meanwhile, while trying to look alert, she's actually practicing Jedi focusing techniques that Luke taught her. The next move is to free Han silently in the middle of the night, and she needs to accomplish that, even if that is all she is able to do. If Han isn't out when Luke shows up, nothing else is going to work.

Han.

After all this time, he's here. He's right over there on the wall.

It's been so long--months and months--and Leia's life has changed so much. In addition to Leia's rudimentary but powerful connection to the Force, which was undeveloped when Han was frozen, she and Luke are now incredibly intimate. They have always been close, always been good friends with a deep, unspoken bond--but as much as they may have loved each other, nothing Leia has ever experienced in her life can compare to what she and Luke have built since Bespin. She can't imagine anything else touching it. 

At first, she assumed that she could just have two lovers, also her best friends. That was all it was, all she wanted it to be. She is in love with Han, but there must be different kinds of being in love, because she loves Luke completely differently. Sometimes, she actually thinks that she was wrong, that she really does want to only be with Luke, to marry him, live alone with him. Have his children. All of it. She doesn't know what she's supposed to say to Han, but she hopes she knows when she says it.

She catches Han as he falls out of the carbonite, and it reminds her of Luke when he had the fever. His big body is shaking, damp, his eyes unseeing. Leia cradles him, trying to reassure him, then remembers she still has the mask on when he asks her who she is. She's never seen Han like this, so vulnerable, and any misgivings she may have had about interacting with him after everything with Luke melt away. She does still love Han. What is she supposed to do? "Someone who loves you," she answers, removing the helmet.

"Leia!" Han exclaims, and she kisses him.

But they're captured, and he's taken from her immediately. It's okay--this is part of the plan. As soon as she and Han are torn apart, and she's thrown into a dressing room with a slave who fits her for a dancer's costume, she signals Luke through their bond. _We need you_ , she says, and that's all. She doesn't want to risk anything else. She knows he gets it.

 

Luke comes when he's called, having spent the time since Leia left in meditation, monitoring her progress as best he could through the Force. By morning he is at Jabba's Palace with the guards, and it's a relief to see Leia unharmed, however interestingly dressed, and Lando in place, undetected. And to know, and _feel_ , that Han is alive and relatively well.

Things happen more or less how Luke expects, with some surprises like Leia taking on Jabba herself, and Lando almost falling into the Sarlaac pit. But eventually, due to their clever planning and some help from the Force, they escape in a landskiff and manage to make it back to the hide out Chewie had rented before. They're still too hot to get to the _Falcon_ , and it's deemed best to lie low on Tatooine for a few days before making their escape, as much as the proximity to Jabba unsettles them.

Luke is confident he can shield them from anyone searching for the time being, and he is planning to take his leave to return to Yoda once he gets the chance. Having a day or two to spend with Han and Leia together before that happens is a good idea.

After they're settled in and Lando and Chewie have gone to bed for the night, Luke, Han and Leia find themselves alone together in the main room. "How're your eyes doing?" Luke asks. 

Han and Leia are on the same couch, close together, undeniably intimate while Luke sits across from them. "A lot better now, thanks to you two," Han says with one of his customary smirks. "Now, tell me everything I've missed. Chewie says I've been out of the world for a _year_?"

Leia exchanges the barest hint of a knowing glance with Luke before putting her hand on Han's knee. It's more caring than erotic, but she's aware of the message she's communicating to both men with it. "Almost a year," she says gently. "Well, Luke and I spent most of the time on the run from Vader so that Luke could train with the Force. Mostly, we've been in hyperspace." She shakes her head. "It's been a strange year."

Han looks back and forth between her and Luke, and she knows he knows. He knew already, but she just confirmed it. She doesn't know if Luke got the message, though, and it's probably better to clarify everything aloud anyway so there are no misunderstandings, so she says, "Luke and I had a lot of time to ourselves."

Han nods. He seems a bit more somber than she'd expect, but he doesn't seem upset. He looks at Luke, flashes a small smile, and says, "You bein' good to her, kid?"

It doesn't take the Force to see that Han's trying to figure out his place in all this. Luke and Leia have been together for almost a year now, meaning they've theoretically had more quality time as a couple than Han and Leia ever had. For his own part, Luke doesn't exactly know where he stands with things either, but he knows he loves Leia, and he has to leave her soon to return to Yoda and to ultimately fight Vader. And he knows Han and Leia love each other. And Luke knows he loves Han too, in his own way. "Not as good as she's been to me, I'm afraid." He manages a smile. "We missed you, Han. It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back." Han keeps his eyes on Luke. "Thanks for taking care of her while I was away."

"We both know she can take care of herself," Luke replies. He's trying to be warm and welcoming, but he's not good at this sort of thing. "Leia and I..."

Han holds up his hand, to stop him. "I know, kid. I know. It's not like we never talked about it before." He looks to Leia. "We talked about it a lot, before. Didn't we?" He smiles. "How'd he do?" He gives Luke a sultry grin. "I had a bet going that if it ever happened you'd lose it before you even got it in." To Leia, he says, "Did I win?"

Leia swats at his shoulder, and she wants to laugh but she's also a little mad at him. "No! And that remains a terrible thing to say!" She sobers and reaches her hand out to Luke. "He's actually amazing. He's everything you'd hope he'd be--rough and sweet."

"Rough _and_ sweet?" Han echoes, eyebrows lifting. "Raisin' the stakes, I see."

Luke strangely feels like he doesn't belong; like they're talking about some other person. But when Leia reaches out for him, he takes her hand and lets her draw him closer. He's still not sure he wants this, whatever _this_ is, but he's willing to try. "I love Leia. I've always loved her," he plainly says. "And I'm grateful that I've been able to express my feelings and have them reciprocated."

Han shakes his head. "He really is adorable, isn't he?"

Leia exhales and adjusts her hand so more of her and Luke's palms are touching, sending a wave of love to Luke through the contact. This is obviously embarrassing the hell out of Luke, but she isn't sure there is a way for the three of them to talk about this without embarrassing Luke. "He's so adorable." She kisses Luke's cheek, then turns to Han. "But don't patronize him. He's a grown man."

Han nods pointedly. "I can see that. Jedi, too, I guess. You look good in black."

Luke concentrates on the love emanating from Leia's hand. In it, he feels her love for him, but also her love for Han. It helps Luke focus on how she sees him. It'd be so much easier if they could connect through the Force like they did before. Now that Luke has so much more control, he opens the channel between them a little more. Instead of a few tendrils, he releases a thick rope between them, enough that he sees Leia inhale a bit in surprise. His eyes tell her everything she needs to know; he's got it under control.

And he drinks in the feelings pouring to him. How he's missed this. It's still so much less than from before, but after surviving for so long on so few threads, having a stronger connection with her again is like drinking water after three days. He didn't even realize quite how badly he'd missed her. "I want to be a part of this. Of us," Luke says. He raises his other hand to Han. "I think this will help." 

Leia had already been feeling her own desire for both of them, but when Luke opens up a wider channel between them, her desire for him goes through the roof. She wants the fireworks behind her eyes, she wants this beautiful boy staring at her in adoration as his body thrusts into hers. She loses herself in the connection between them for a moment before remembering her surroundings when Han puts a firm but gentle hand on the center of her back.

He's taking Luke's hand on the other side, and Leia closes her eyes, purposely trying to close the circuit between the three of them. It doesn't quite work like that, but she feels Luke, and she feels Luke feeling her love and lust for Han, and maybe Han's for her. Maybe Han's for him. She watches them make shy eye contact, and Han smiles brightly if somewhat ironically. 

"I... kinda feel like I'm seein' you for the first time." He leans towards Luke, licking his lips.

There isn't an immediate Force connection when Luke touches Han's hand, but there is a connection, and Luke fosters it. He's never done something like that before, but he tries. Everyone is connected through the Force, even Han. And with Leia's lust flooding into him, Luke is aroused and suddenly much more confident. Leia wants Han and through her Luke feels the desire. He can separate it from his own, but it burns in his loins never-the-less.

Luke thinks of making a joke in return, but that first moment is just a touch too delicate for it. With Leia's fire running through Luke's veins, he moves forward and kisses Han first, and not something sweet and chase, but hungry and eager. As if Luke himself had been the one waiting a year for the chance to kiss Han again.

Leia gasps, feeling Han's kiss on Luke's lips. She can tell it's not her lips, because they're not all the way joined, but she feels it if she thinks about it. And she's thinking a lot about it. She already feels so wet. "Now," Leia says, pulling them both up.

Both men laugh and allow themselves to be herded to the bedroom she and Luke had used before Jabba's. Their things are still strewn intimately, and Leia reflects that she and Luke really are partners now, in the truest sense of the word. Luke likes to throw around the word 'girlfriend' a lot, but to Leia it has always seemed too casual and imprecise. If she's being casual, she considers them friends and lovers, but Luke is the first who's been this much more than that. They're teamed up intuitively to survive, and they've truly begun to live their lives together, just because of the rhythm of these many months. Leia reflects on this new kind of intimacy, because she knows Han notices it when she leads him in and closes the door. He knows this is her and Luke's room. There are two small beds because she and Luke hadn't told anyone they're together, but it would still be obvious to anyone who knew what to look for.

Refusing to suddenly get self-conscious now of all times, Leia grabs Han's belt and pulls him close. She can't reach to kiss him, but he tilts his head down to meet her lips hungrily. She missed his power, his raw masculinity, but this kiss has none of the awareness and sensuality of Luke's. Still, the part of her that likes that roughness--likes it even more when it comes, unexpectedly, out of Luke--is immediately seduced. She pulls Luke close as well, going straight from Han's lips to his, tasting them both. Her body naturally melts into Luke's as their kiss deepens.

Luke's whole body tingles when Leia kisses Han, and in that moment it's better than when he'd kissed Han just moments ago. It's more Leia than Luke, and when he feels Han using his lanky strength to lift Leia onto one of the small beds, Luke sees a little of what she sees in him. Han's confident and controlling in bed, in a way that Leia likes. She's always in control in her daily life, and she likes letting go in the moment; letting herself be pleasured almost against her will. It's the one time she can let herself relax.

Or at least it was, before she began sleeping with Luke. She doesn't need to keep herself so high-strung anymore. She doesn't have to always be on, always be fixing and politicianing. But she's still in love with the Han that let her relax in his arms and open up to him, and Luke finds he's loving them too. Han was there before Luke was ready... and Luke was there when Han wasn't able.

And now they can share all of their experiences together.

It doesn't take long before all of their clothes are in tangles on the floor. Luke moves the two beds together effortlessly, just so the three of them can fit. He stands and watches Han and Leia as they kiss and reunite, making up for all that lost time. He tries to examine any jealousy in him, but it just doesn't manifest. Whatever Leia and Han have doesn't touch upon what he and Leia have. He isn't threatened by it.

Luke joins them on the bed, kissing Leia while Han enters her. And when Han does, both Luke and Leia gasp together, because Luke feels it too. It's an indescribable feeling, completely different than how it feels when he's inside Leia, but still powerful and strong and dominating. " _Han_ ," Luke breaths, and then Han's eyes are on him, burning intensely bright with arousal.

Then Han figures it out. He's so unbelievably dense, sometimes. "So... 'cause Luke's a Jedi, I can touch him by touchin' you?" Han asks, leaning over Leia. She forgot how tall he was, and she feels tiny and trapped under him, and it feels amazing.

She nods, grinding her hips up to meet his. Luke's laying beside her, and she twists her body so they can cling to each other while Han moves inside her. She presses their foreheads together, and they're breathing in unison, stifling moans, kissing.

Leia pulls Han's hips closer to hers, and she begs him, "Harder. Oh!" He obliges, and what he lacks in awareness of her desires he makes up for in intensity, and that's more than enough for Leia. He takes her wrists and holds them down pinned to the bed over her head, because she'd once told him she likes it, and she's happy he remembers. She can't hold Luke anymore, but she's still kissing him, and he's moaning into her mouth.

She breaks the kiss when she feels the orgasm on the horizon, looking into Luke's eyes as the Force around her starts to sparkle. "Han," they both say, and Han holds them both, coming hard into Leia with a handful of rhythmic thrusts. She and Luke aren't far behind.

After it's all over, the three of them collapse into a pile of heavy breathing, with Luke on one side and Han on the other, and Leia sandwiched in the middle, her body still turned toward Luke, their noses touching. It's not like it is when it's just Luke and Leia. It's different. Luke thinks, with time, it will get better. He laments not being inside Leia tonight, but knows it's Han's turn. Han's waited almost a year for it. Luke will have plenty of time in the future to love Leia the way he wants.

He kisses Leia again, smiling sleepily and thinks to her, _This may just work out after all..._

Han's forehead is nestled into her neck, his limp body stretched out along hers. Luke's hand rests on her waist, and their faces are basically touching as she plays with his hair. "I have the utmost faith in it," she says aloud.

"Hmm?" Han asks sleepily, shifting. "Did you say somethin'? How could I be so tired when I slept for a year?"

Leia doesn't repeat herself. She just exchanges a smile with Luke.

Han notices. She feels him notice. But he doesn't say anything.

\---

When Leia wakes up in the morning, Luke is already gone. She's upset that he would leave without saying goodbye, and she wonders if he's trying to do something infuriatingly noble like giving her space to be with Han. She comms him in his new X-Wing, relieved to find that he hasn't gone to lightspeed yet, admonishing him for not waking her up and for leaving earlier than they'd agreed. She lets it go when he tells her that Yoda was calling him, and he promises to be back at the fleet not too long after she and the others are.

She lets her voice soften, "Hurry. The Alliance should be assembled by now."

Han boldly leans over her in the makeshift double bed, speaking into her commlink. "Hey, Luke. Thanks for comin' after me. Now I owe you one."

After last night, Leia can't help but laugh.


	8. Chapter 8

The answers Luke gets on Dagobah are all wrong.

Vader _is_ his father, and worse, Leia is his _sister._

With Ben and Yoda there, Luke felt wrapped in the Force, and in the strange joy of knowing, somehow _he has a family_. But it's ruined immediately as the reality of it crashes down. His father is a Sith Lord, and the love of his life his twin sister.

Luke keeps his Force-feelings on the subject on ultimate lockdown once Dagobah is behind him and he's on his way to rendezvous with the others on the Alliance fleet. His mind is reeling, warring between elated and utterly devastated, and he has to stop the cycle if he's to function. If he is to do what he's always planned to do: confront Vader, not to destroy him, but to save him.

When he finally meets Leia again, she knows immediately something is wrong. He's cut himself off again, and even without that she knows. She'll always know. They don't need a Force connection for her to read the pain and conflict in his eyes. He can't tell her yet, though. He doesn't dare, for his own sake. He has to go in believing she loves him with every fiber of his being, and that after this final mission they can live the lives they've whispered about for months.

But the darkness whispering in his heart is seductive. He can't kill Vader, he knows it now, but if Vader kills him, Leia can complete Ben and Yoda's mission... Perhaps that wouldn't be such an awful thing.

Leia wishes she could have some time alone with Luke before they have to start for Endor, and the jump is going to be so short and the shuttle so crowded that they won't have any time in hyperspace, either. He's acting strange, and he won't touch her except for chaste hugs. He won't tell her what's wrong. She asks him if it has to do with the other thing he still hasn't told her about, and he just looks sad.

He barely even responds when she kisses his cheek for luck.

Maybe it's Luke or maybe it's her, or maybe it's just the weight of the mission hanging over them, but the mood on the shuttle is somber and anxious. When they get to Endor, and Luke announces that Vader is on one of the ships before them, Leia clamps down on her feelings like slamming a hundred doors. Vader isn't looking for her, just Luke, but there's no sense taking chances. She wants to take his hand to steady him, but he was pretty clear earlier that he didn't want to be touched. Instead she holds her breath with everyone else until they're on the ground.

She can sense their connection warming up again a little as soon as the action starts, and it feels good to use it to work together like at Jabba's palace. After they're settled in at the Ewok village, he starts to drift away again, standing by the door, hiding in his black clothes, while Leia and Han snuggle by the fire. She can't reach him emotionally, but she knows whatever was wrong just became more wrong when he leaves the hut, so she follows. She's determined to make him talk about it at last. Tomorrow is meant to be a defining moment in their lives, and she isn't going to let him carry secrets into it.

Luke feels the moment Vader's ship touches down on Endor, and it draws him outside. He has to leave now. He has to complete his mission. And his heart aches because he wants to stay inside, in the warmth, with Han and Leia and his friends. But he doesn't belong there, anymore. Not like he thought he did. He has to go, to finally end it all. And it's best, he thinks, to slip off when no one will notice him until he's well away. But, standing outside in the cold night air, he stops and stares. He knows where his destiny lies, and that he may not come back from it, but he can't leave. Not without saying goodbye.

"Luke, what's wrong?" Leia asks with firm insistence, but also patiently. He couldn't shut her out again, not now. _What the hell had happened on Dagobah? What had happened on Bespin?_ She tries to reach out to him with the Force, and finds him unresponsive.

Luke's in a tunnel of darkness that feels like it has no end. He hears a voice and when he turns, he's almost surprised to see her. "Leia." Seeing her again, in this quiet intimate moment, almost defeats him. He loves her so much it's killing him. Suddenly, he realizes this is his chance. The only chance he'll have. He never wanted to tell her before, afraid of her reaction, but now it doesn't matter. This is the end, and if he fails she will have to take up the mantle. The heaviness in his shoulders makes him stoop slightly, but he sits on the railing to look at her and says, "Do you remember your mother? Your real mother?" It's a leading question he's rehearsed in his head many times.

Leia's taken aback. What is he talking about? He's never been this opaque to her. "A little bit," she admits. "She died when I was very young."

"What do you remember?" Luke persists.

She still has no idea why he's asking. "Just images, really. Feelings."

"Tell me."

"She was," she shrugs slightly, "very beautiful. Kind, but... sad. Why are you asking me this?" She nudges him with the Force again. Has he finally cracked?

His eyes look haunted when he says, "I have no memory of my mother, I never knew her."

She forces herself to sound patient.

"Luke, tell me. What's been troubling you all these months? What happened on Dagobah?"

Try as he might, there is no memory of his life before Tatooine and Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. There is no memory of Leia; of being with her before they were separated. Of their mother, who must have loved them if she had the presence of mind to separate them and hide them from Vader. When he looks up, he sees how desperate Leia is to touch his mind again, he knows. He knows it's finally time. His heart can't take any more. The only thing holding his tongue is knowing that sharing his pain might destroy her too, and he won't be able to stay and comfort her the way he once would have.

"Vader is here. Now, on this moon."

Leia swallows the lump in her throat. All the months of running with Luke from Vader, and now here he is, telling her he is on the moon with them, and he isn't panicking or running or thinking of ways to protect her. This change frightens Leia. Something dark is happening. "How do you know?" she asks, but she knows how he knows, the mechanism by which he knows. What she thinks she means is, "Why are you letting this happen? How do you know it's different this time?"

Luke answers the question in the way she knows, "I've felt his presence." He knows that isn't what she's really asking, but he's still stalling, still steeling himself for what he has to say next. "He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near. That's why I have to go. As long as I stay, I'm endangering the group and our mission." He's not telling her anything she doesn't know, other than the fact that, at this proximity, even if he's shutting down his Force thoughts, Vader knows he's here. And to do what he needs to do, Luke can't be shut down. "I have to face him."

Leia gasps out, "Why?"

And Luke recoils slightly. He never dreamed he'd be so calm and unemotional at this moment. The darkness does well to protect him, and he's hardened his heart to bear the truth. All of them. He opens his mouth to speak, then hesitates, stunned by the fervor in Leia's eyes. It's as if she knows already, or suspects... The guilt of the months and months of not telling her finally pull his gaze down. He can't look at her when he says it. He's in too much pain as it is. "He's my father."

_That's it._

That's what he's been hiding. To Leia, it explains everything.

Everything. And, for a minute, she's just angry. Angry at Luke for hiding this from her, at him now for being so frustratingly calm, at Vader for all the lives he's ruined. At Vader for all of the pain and suffering he's caused his own son. Vader has no business being a father, and Leia doesn't care what bizarre situation led to him having Luke. He doesn't deserve Luke. Luke belongs to her and Han and no one else.

How could he not have told her? All this time? Did he think she'd leave him? How could he put so little faith in her? "Your father?" she repeats. She's not even sure what to say. She's too upset with too many people.

Leia's calm too, and Luke's not sure if that's better or worse than her usual boiling-over anger. There's disgust in her eyes as well, but not as intense as he'd feared. If only that were all. "There's more," he begins. "I only learned of it on Dagobah. It won't be easy for you to hear, but you must." He talks a little faster, wanting to get it all out now before he stops himself. "If I don't make it back, you're the only hope for the Alliance."

"Luke don't talk that way!" Leia exclaims. She won't hear of him not making it back. That's what this is, she realizes. He thinks he's going to die here. Did he see something? He can't die--she's seen visions of their future together. Their son. He can't give up. "Besides, you have a power... I don't understand, and could never have. Everything I have is just coming off of you."

"You're wrong, Leia," he says, confident and loving. She's so much stronger than she realizes. "You have that power, too. In time, you'll learn to use it, as I have." He feels a cold chill sweep through him and lowers his gaze again. This is a secret he could keep to himself forever and perhaps she would never know. But he can't. He has to tell her. It destroys him, but she has to know. "The Force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And..." He looks at her, needing to see her eyes in the moment this time. "My _sister_ has it." He doesn't open the connection between them, but he sends his love to her through his eyes. Even if it means the death of their relationship, there is bittersweet happiness. There is family. Real family. "Yes." Luke nods, feeling her struggle with accepting it. "It's you, Leia."

Leia hears _we're twins_ , in her head before Luke says the word "sister." It finally makes sense. Her conviction that someone was missing when she was a child. Their Force connection. Their closeness in age. She sees them as embryos together, becoming human in each others arms. "I know," she hears herself saying. She had known. "Somehow...." She shakes her head, looking away, trying to figure out what it means to have known this and then to have fallen in love with him. How is any of this possible? But, "I've always known." She looks back up at him again.

Luke doesn't let himself contemplate her words, to examine how they make him feel. There's no time for emotion now. He forges on. "Then you know why I have to face him."

_What?_ "No!" she insists. She _doesn't_ know why he has face him. She's angry because she's afraid. After all the months that they kept safe and hidden, staying one or two or three jumps ahead of Vader, now he wants to go fight him. On his own. On purpose. After how scared they were when they were on the run. "Luke, run away! Far away! If he can feel your presence, then leave this place!" Her heart aches, and she realizes that that was a time in their lives of such innocent love and togetherness the likes of which they can never have again. Their honeymoon, she thinks, feeling tears rise in her eyes, remembering the cottage they had to abandon. It's all lost.

And because she does wish it, because she misses him, because her heart is broken, she says, "I wish I could go with you."

Luke feels her love pouring out of her, and it warms him a little. Despite it all, there's still love. She's not angry, not truly. She's not rejecting what he's telling her. "No, you don't," he says, rising. She belongs here, with Han and the others. That's where she's really always belonged. And this is where she's needed. And he is needed somewhere else, for a bigger purpose. He knows his choice to save Vader will likely kill him, and he needs to make sure she'll survive. "You've always been strong."

_He doesn't think he's coming back_ , Leia thinks. He's confirming it. He's leaving her and she'll never see him again. The love of her life. Her soulmate.

Her... her family. In every way she can think of, now.

She wants to grab him and shake sense into him. But she feels weak and useless. Exhausted. "But why must you confront him?" Why couldn't they just run forever? At least they would have each other. Right now, it seems like enough.

Seeing Leia so close to tears makes Luke ache. He wants to pull her into his arms and kiss her, but he knows he can't. He never can again. "Because," he takes a deep breath, not knowing if she'll see what Luke has seen in Vader, "there is still good in him. I've felt it. He won't turn me over to the emperor. I can save him. I can turn him back. To the good side." Luke feels a moment of doubt wash over him, then shakes his head, steeling his resolve one final time. He cannot kill Vader, and he cannot let Vader live. Therefore, there is only one course of action he can take. "I have to _try_."

Leia isn't sure when in the course of the conversation they took each others hands, but they're holding hands now, and she holds on for dear life. For Luke's life. "Don't go," she repeats, softly, almost whispering. "Don't leave me." She's not really trying to stop her tears, now. She's far past that. She just wants him to kiss her, to hold her and tell her that he didn't mean any of it, and they can go away together and hide. What about their life? What about their baby? She _saw_ it happening....

Luke is strong, but he isn't so strong that he can resist her like this for too long. So, he leans forward to kiss her, lightly, for the last time, and whispers, "Let me go." But in his heart he projects, _I will always love you_. And then, with the heaviest heart he's ever felt, he turns away from her, forcing one foot in front of the other until, at last, their hands release, and he is free to find the rest of his destiny.

_I'll always love you, Luke._

The kiss and his hand trailing out of hers undo her, and she's leaning against the walkway railing, sobbing, her soul torn in two, when she hears behind her, "Hey, what's goin' on?"

Han. Leia suddenly understands that Luke would not have left if Han wasn't here. He wouldn't have left her alone.

"Nothing," she says through her tears. "I just want to be alone for a little while."

But he knows Luke was here, not a moment ago. He's already had a taste of her connection to Luke, and he wouldn't begrudge her it, wouldn't ask her to stop, but he can't help but feel threatened by it, because he isn't capable of the same. "Nothin'? Come on, tell me."

She wipes her eyes and looks at him, and she tries to figure out a way to tell him, but she stumbles, and says, "I... I can't tell you." She's going to have to, but it has to wait. She needs time.

He sets his jaw and gestures to the direction where Luke just faded into he forest, and says, betraying the jealousy he feels with his tone, "Well, could you tell _Luke_? Is _that_ who you can tell?"

How can he do this now? Can't he see she's in pain? She starts to say something, but her tears take over, and she turns away again.

When he apologizes, she asks him to hold her.

She remembers asking Luke to hold her to help ease the pain of losing Han, that first night after he got his new hand, the two of them clinging to each other in their bunk.

Now Han is here, and Luke is gone.

\--

It's over.

It's finally over, and somehow Luke survived. The emperor is dead, killed by his father, and his father is dead, too. But somehow Luke lived. He's numb with pain and disbelief, and part of him wants to stay there, by his father's body, until he's captured or destroyed by the enemy. He did what he set out to do. He defeated Vader-- _saved him_ \--and perhaps finally brought peace to the galaxy. There's nothing more for him to do.

But he can't stay there and let himself be destroyed. People won't believe Vader is truly gone unless they see his body. There can be no doubts. And so, using the Force to give him strength, Luke lifts his father's body and finds a ship that will let him escape the Death Star only moments before the Alliance manages to strike the final blow.

When it goes, Luke cringes, affected by the millions of lives on board that were just snuffed out. Imperials or not, they were still people, and now they're gone. For the greater good, but they are more deaths that weigh heavily on him.

And he realizes that Leia will think he was one of them. Some part of him thinks perhaps that's best. Perhaps he should slip away into the darkness so as to not complicate her life. The rational part of him, the part saved by his father's love, knows he can't. He has a family now, finally. He has to be happy with that, even if it's not the way he wanted it. And now Vader's dead, and the emperor is dead, and there's no reason to shut himself off from Leia. He can't open the connection fully to her; his soul is too shredded, but he touches his mind to hers again with a simple thought, _It's over_.

"I'm sure Luke wasn't on that thing when it blew," Han's saying, and Leia thinks he's trying to reassure her as much as he's asking her to reassure him, but she doesn't need reassurance, because she knows. She knows he wasn't on it.

_It's over._

Vader is dead. He must be, because Luke is reaching out to her, and she can sense his relief over all the pain and exhaustion.

_It's over._

Their _father_ is dead. And they're free.

_Come home_ , she sends to Luke.

"He wasn't," Leia says, her eyes unfocused as she stays in contact with Luke. Even if they're not fully open to each other, the steadiness of the communication line feels reassuring after the past day. "I can feel it."

Han's watching her, and she senses him gathering his thoughts. "You love him," he says simply at first. They hadn't ever discussed that. She thought he knew, but maybe he hadn't, maybe he just thought they were both young and cute and should sleep together if they wanted to. Maybe he didn't count on them falling in love so deeply. "Don't ya?"

It doesn't matter now.

"Well, yes," Leia says, and she doesn't really know, even then, how much she's going to say. She just knows that her love for Luke must be glaringly obvious, and she won't lie.

But Han knows about the months spent alone, the honeymoon cottage, the amazing sex, the Force connection. He saw how easily the two of them had become accustomed to living together. He knows that what he has with Leia isn't as deep, and he will never stop feeling inadequate for it. "All right," Han says, "I get it. _Fine_. When he comes back..." he shakes his head. "I won't get in the way."

Leia needs to keep him close, and she doesn't know what's going to happen. "It's not like that at all," she finds herself saying, and she knows she's saying it for herself more than Han, making herself speak the words evenly as if they're not the best and worst thing she's ever heard in her life, as if they haven't saved her and torn her apart at the same time. "He's my brother."

If it weren't for that fact, she would have just told Han to shut up, because he was being irrational, and it was supposed to be the three of them.

But this means she and Luke can't be together, so she might as well reassure Han. He has a thousand questions, but they kiss. And Leia feels even worse.

Because she knows that the information she'd just shared doesn't actually change anything at all.


	9. Chapter 9

All through the forests of Endor ring the echoes of celebration. 

There are cheers of joy and laughter, hugs and tears of happiness. Luke walks through a black fog, his father's body heavy in his arms, not relying on the Force to help him move this burden. Voices hush as they see him pass; the dark figure of Skywalker carrying the defeated Sith. The cheer and joy calm and die as Luke moves past, and in his wake he leaves behind an icy cold silence.

The Alliance wants the body. 

They want to display it; to show it off. They want to parade Vader's corpse around, a triumph of war, and Luke refuses. He lets them examine the corpse; to positively identify, record and confirm it. And maybe someone in the Alliance knows the true connection between Luke and Vader, or maybe they just bow to the grave young man with the steely blue eyes that stands protectively over the corpse, because when they're done they let him take it. No one tries to stop him.

Luke walks deep into the forest, and he spends the afternoon building a funeral pyre for his father. Once it's dark he lights a blaze and stands before the burning body aching and alone and unable to comprehend, even now, how he came to this place. It's finally over. His task is done, and he no longer knows his place in the world. All the things he had thought could finally happen are no longer his to pursue. The reward for his suffering is loneliness. Worse, perhaps. It's watching others celebrate that what brings him anguish and pain. It's having a family at the cost of his love.

He is still alive. He still has to function like he's alive. Like he's happy. That he's the war hero that everyone wants him to be. And so he returns, to face the celebration, to shake hands and smile.

And to see Leia, again.

Luke's sent her just enough, consciously or unconsciously, throughout the day that she knows how much pain he's in. She hears whispers, too, that he's brought Vader's body back with him and had a solitary funeral, which everyone apparently just let him get away with.

Leia wants to just be happy that Vader's dead. She wants to be angry at Luke for treating him like he had any humanity.

But she's too tired.

She goes to the hut the Ewoks put her and Han in last night, changes back into the soft suede dress they'd given her. Everyone's started celebrating, and she feels like she should look pretty... or something. Really, she knows she just wants to give herself an excuse to be alone inside for a few minutes. She doesn't try to keep herself from collapsing, sobbing, into her and Han's bed.

She waits until she's ready to pretend to be happy, and then she unbraids her hair and, for the first time in her entire life, goes out among a large group of humans with her hair down. She wants to be free. She wants to stop clinging desperately to the past. Mourning for Alderaan, for her father. _Bail_ , her real father. Maybe now that Vader's gone, she can finally let Bail rest.

She manages to smile through the party, but it's partially with the help of more wine than is really seemly for a princess to drink.

When she feels Luke coming, she braces herself. She doesn't know what it will be like between them. Both of them have spent the day in anguish.

But as soon as he sees her, there's a smile, and a bounce in his step, and in spite of everything, Leia knows he really is happy to see her. And she has to hold back tears of relief--that he's alive, that he's here, that he wants to see her--as Luke wraps his arms tightly around her waist, even lifting her up just a bit. With her arms around his neck, she finally feels a little like celebrating.

Luke wants to talk to Leia, but in a way he's glad he can't, not yet. He has to play his part and smile and shake hands. He has to hug his friends and listen to stories, and after an hour of it he's actually feeding off their energy. Their relief fuels him, powers him. He buries his pain for the time being and for that night allows himself to be the celebrated hero, and allows himself to celebrate the other heroes he walks among.

Leia's there, and he sees her warmly. No matter what grief may lie between them, he is so glad she is there, now. That she won't have to take on the burden of defeating Vader. Everything else can work out later. Leia's alive. He's alive. In the end, it's better than he had imagined.

When he sees Yoda and Ben's ghosts watching over the celebration, he feels their pride. He proved them wrong. He didn't kill Vader, like they asked. He did something better. He saved Vader. And as he thinks that, suddenly beside Yoda another figure appears, dressed in the robes of a Jedi... his father. _Anakin_.

Leia's near, but when he turns toward her, he knows she can't see them. Perhaps someday. But Anakin can see her, and as he goes to rejoin the living Luke knows Anakin's eyes are watching, beaming with love.

The partying lasts for hours, but eventually the crowd disperses and the Ewoks go to sleep. They stay one more night on Endor; all the ships in the Alliance are busy elsewhere, and Luke has nowhere particular to go. He's content just to rest for a day, without the burden of the galaxy resting on his shoulders.

He has his own room, but even as exhausted as he is, he finds himself outside in the dead of the night, standing on a darkened tree top terrace, staring up at the hole in the sky the Death Star once filled. After a few moments, he turns his head. "I wondered if you'd come."

"How could I not?" Leia asks softly. "You didn't think I'd be able to sleep, did you?" She barely slept last night, too. Han's out cold, and he knows she's off emotionally, but she hasn't expressed the magnitude of her suffering, yet. She hasn't even wanted to explain what happened. Han's worn out, and he respects Leia, so she thinks he's giving her room to figure it out.

She goes and stands beside Luke and looks up at the sky where he'd been. "I thought... this day would feel better than this," she says carefully.

"As did I." It's good to stand there, next to her, but he feels a gulf between them that never existed before. He doesn't know what to say. He's still processing everything himself. Maybe he doesn't have to say anything... just standing beside her helps. Just not being alone helps. He keeps his eyes on the stars. "You told Han?" It isn't accusatory at all; he assumes she did and figures maybe that's a good way to approach it: talk about Han's reaction instead of their own.

"Barely," she says, reflecting that it probably would have been better to tell him everything and just get it over with. "I didn't tell him about Vader, though the part about us probably would have made more sense to him if I had." She swallows, considering her words. "I... I did something I shouldn't have. Han realized... I think he realized the extent of our feelings for each other when I knew you'd made it off the Death Star, and I was worried he was jealous, so I told him you were my brother to try to make him feel better, because.... I mean, it doesn't matter anymore, does it?" She sighs. She still feels that she'd intentionally misled Han to try to spare his feelings--but for all practical purposes, Luke isn't even an option anymore, so how misleading had it really been?

Luke's head hangs a little, his shoulders sticking up. He's still dressed in the same black he wore when he burned his father's body, and he can smell the smoke in his clothes. "I'm glad you told him," Luke finally says. He may not have someone to comfort him, but he's beyond grateful to Han that Leia does. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. About Vader. And the other. I should have told you."

She's too tired and raw to feel any more pain. "You only found out on Dagobah, right? We haven't had any time alone since then." She sighs again. "You told me about that as soon as you could."

She leans against the railing and looks up at Luke. It's dark and she can't see him well, but she knows he isn't looking at her. She finds herself thinking he's beautiful, but for the first time she realizes the ways they look alike--their coloring, aside from their eyes, is not really that different; their smiles are similar; Luke isn't even that much taller than she is--and she feels dizzy and confused. "Did Vader tell you he was your father on Bespin?"

"Yes. I didn't want to believe him, but... I knew. Yoda confirmed it when I returned to Dagobah. And that's when he told me there was another Skywalker, too. I knew it was you right away. Somehow. Of course it was you. It explains so much..." He finally looks at her and his ragged edges are clear to see, along with his haunted eyes. He doesn't have to pretend around her that everything is all right. "Are we monsters? Or fools?"

She's not going to let him think that. "Luke, we didn't do anything wrong," she insists. "We had no way of... of understanding what we were feeling. How could we? All we knew was... we finally felt... whole." She doesn't know how she isn't crying now. Maybe taking care of him is more important.

For a moment, looking at her, Luke can't breathe. She's so beautiful, and she's so right. He feels whole when they're together. Completed. The moment passes and he exhales slowly. "Vader... Anakin," he corrects. "Our father's name is Anakin. He never knew about you. He must have thought I died, but he never knew about you, until he plucked the knowledge from my mind." Luke doesn't know if that will make her feel better or worse about Vader's treatment of her in the past. Luke knows he was there when the order to destroy Alderaan was given.

She knows what he's trying to do. "It doesn't make a difference whether he knew I was his daughter! It's not worse to destroy a planet if your child grew up there!" She calms herself, seeing Luke wince and realizing that he's in enough pain without her doing whatever she's making a point of doing. "If you've forgiven him, I'm genuinely glad. I can't. Not yet. Don't you remember how scared we were, running from him? I can't change how I feel overnight. I don't care what happened." She sighs. "I want to, though. I want to see him as Anakin. Maybe some day." She looks away from Luke. "Actually... I blame him for this. For us not growing up together and having the kind of relationship we _should_ have. If he hadn't been so self-serving, none of this would have happened. I was so afraid of him taking you from me, but I always thought it would be either because he killed you, or because we couldn't be together because we'd be too easy to find. And yet you're standing right in front of me... and Vader's dead... and he's still taken you from me."

The wounds of their romance are still too raw for Luke to look at directly, but he appreciates that Leia can be more candid about it. They need to talk about it, even if it's not easy. "If he hadn't become Vader," Luke quietly says, knowing exactly how horrible it would sound to anyone but her, "we never would have had any of it." Siblings, yes, but not lovers. Not likely. And as accidental and monstrous as it was, it remains the happiest Luke's ever been and, he suspects, will ever be.

"We would have been together, though, all along. And it wouldn't have been complicated." Maybe that would have been better. Maybe they'd both be better adjusted. Things would be truly okay now, instead of unbearable in spite of their victory. She and Han could just be together and there never would have been any second thoughts or competition or unconventional arrangements.

But Leia knows how she felt those months with Luke. She was sure. He was the one.

Luke knows Leia's right. It would've been better if they'd known all along and never started down this path, because then Luke would never know what he was missing. And neither would Leia. She'd be happy with Han, or anyone else, and Luke... there are a million women in the Alliance that'd be happy to spend the night with Luke Skywalker. And that farmboy on Tatooine would have probably been happy to see them all. 

Now, there's only Leia.

"But... I don't regret it," she whispers, and she doesn't know if she should have said it, so she looks down at her hands folded in her lap. _Monsters_ , Luke had said. Maybe she was.

His eyes lift at her words, a cruel flicker of hope springing to life inside his blackened chest. It is immediately chased away by an overwhelming curtain of self-loathing and guilt. How can he ever reconcile these two Lukes? The brother and the lover. "Neither do I. I... I was so happy." He knows if she asked him in that moment to forget the Alliance and the Empire and Han and Threepio and all the celebrations and politics the universe wanted to rope them into... if she asked him to run away with her, to return to that cabin on Ylesia or somewhere else, he'd go with her. To the ends of the galaxy.

"So was I. I didn't expect to ever be that happy." Maybe she never will be again. She knows she should go back to Han, snuggle into his arms and try to sleep, or at least rest. She's tired, nervous. She hasn't been able to eat hardly at all. But she can't tear herself away from Luke's side. She always wants to be near him. Forever. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Take it day by day." Luke keeps his eyes on her, seeing her but not really seeing her. "I want to stay, but... maybe it'd be easier if I went away again, just for a little while." It'd hurt less, seeing her and Han together, and he wouldn't be so tempted to feed the neglected flame in his heart.

He's right, and she resents him for it. She wants to beg him to stay, to promise she won't cross any lines, that she'll give him room to grieve, but she knows both of them will do better if they have time apart. "I'm so mad," she admits. She doesn't want to force herself to match his calmness. She wants him to see her pain, now. She wants to be comforted, maybe only because he's pulling away and she can't stand it. "I'm mad because I know you're right and it's not fair...." She gives up on repressing her tears.

" _Leia_ ," Luke croons and he gathers her in his arms, and it's the most natural thing in the world to just hold her. To be with her. To grieve with her. He's glad she's mad; that she's full of fire and rage because it will make her productive. He isn't mad. He's just fathomlessly sad. He's empty and cold, and he knows he has to leave, but he doesn't know where he'll go or what he'll do, or how any of it will ever help him get over her. He rests his cheek against the top of her head, soaking in the warmth of her body. "Where will you go now?" He would always be able to find her, so long as she wasn't blocking him through the Force, but if he hears her plans for her future, perhaps it will help him sort out his own.

If being held like this by him comes at some cost to her soul, Leia's willing to pay it. Whatever it is. She feels their hearts beat together. It's so obvious, now that she knows, but so incomprehensible. So unjust. She belongs in his arms, and she clings to him, sobbing into his tunic for a few minutes before she can even process his question. How could she think at a time like this?

But she's Leia Organa, and she can always work, no matter what. It's a strength and a weakness. "I have to be with the fleet," she says, sniffing, wiping her eyes with one hand but refusing to let go of Luke with the other. "We're going to be able to really make progress now, with the Emperor and Vader gone. Before we know it, most of what we'll be doing is making political alliances, negotiating for territory.... And I assume Han will come with me."

Luke would hold her until the sun rose if could. "Then I'll come find you." There's nowhere in the galaxy she could go that he couldn't find her. There's a strange, sad comfort in that. He strokes her hair, aching all over at her pain, feeling her tears. She's never like this in front of anyone else. The Alliance needs her. There will be a new Republic and Leia will be an integral part of it. Maybe Luke will be, too. They want to interview him, parade him around and ask him about the Jedi. Perhaps, for a while, he'll let himself get swept along by it. The people need a hero, even if he's not what they think he is.

"I know," Leia breathes, pushing Luke away gently, trying to act brave, composing herself. She takes a deep breath. "I know you will." She wants to ask him to sleep with her, like he did her that first night they ever spent together, just to hold her. But she doesn't want to make him uncomfortable, and there's no denying that things are far different than they were that night. They were together, for a long time. They have habits, established patterns. Experience. Desires.

Besides, she needs to be brave and independent. She needs to let him go. It will be easier for everyone. Maybe she'll feel better if she knows she handled it in the most dignified way she could.

"Will you... just check in sometimes? Using any method you like. I just...." _I'll miss you_. "I want to know you're okay."

"Of course I will. You do, too. I'll take Artoo with me, so I should be able to pick up any messages." He pulls back and looks down at her, glittering in the planetlight, and reaches a hand up to brush away the lingering tears on her face. "Everything is going to be okay." He says it mostly to convince himself, but he wants to believe it. He will make it become true. If nothing else, he won't make Leia suffer more because of his actions. He bends to kiss her cheek. A final farewell.

She believes him. Somehow, everything is going to be okay.

When he leans towards her, she turns to face him, and he pauses. She knows he meant to kiss her cheek, and she doesn't know what possessed her to turn, but they're now staring right at each other, and it feels like there are two currents, one repelling them, and one attracting them. Leia's heart thuds and her face feels hot. What the hell is she thinking?

She leans forward and touches her lips to his. It's only a touch, but she lingers, wondering what she's supposed to do to recover from this, but not wanting to stop.

The moment her lips touch his Luke tells himself this is the last time. That's why it's okay. He never got to kiss her goodbye properly before he knew, so it's only fair. This is for the lover inside him, so he can retire with peace of mind. But as one second passes into the next, and all the withered connections inside him reconnect with those inside of hers and Luke deepens the kiss, he knows he's only fooling himself. He will never be able to retire from this. He can abstain if he must, but the need for her will always be there, burning within him. 

His hand cups her face as he kisses her, knowing it's the last time and trying to make it worth it; to infuse her with as much of himself as possible so that they can be together even if he's no longer there. It's somehow beyond passion, it's the merging of souls; two drops of water melding together to form an ocean. The power of it dwarfs whatever warnings the moral limitations inside Luke try to stop him.

Leia doesn't expect Luke to deepen the kiss, and she certainly doesn't expect him to reach into her like that. The closest thing to it is the first time they made love, but Luke's doing it on purpose this time, sending pieces of himself through her entire body. It's the most heartbreakingly beautiful moment of her life up to that point, and she digs her fingers into his shoulders, pouring as much of herself into him as she can in return. It's as if the more united they are, the brighter they burn.

By the time Luke pulls away, Leia's completely breathless and there are hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

Luke doesn't regret it when he pulls back, but he has made holes in himself now that ache, and what Leia gave him isn't enough to fill the emptiness. It will have to be enough. He presses their foreheads together, holding her shoulders, rubbing warmth back into her. There's nothing he can say to stop the pain they're both feeling. The joy that she wants more as much as he does is only destroyed by the knowledge that they can't go any further; that even that kiss was too much.

He just holds her. Maybe for five minutes, maybe for an hour. It's impossible to tell out there in the black night, with only the gas giant looking down at them. He doesn't know how he leaves when he does. It's wordless and cold, with promises to return someday, and eternal love unspoken. He can't say anything. If he does his emotions will betray his true self and he'll never be able to leave; he'll damn them both with his love. So he slips away as the dawn begins to pink the sky, leaving Leia alone, clutching to the pieces of himself he left inside her.  
\----

Leia wakes Han because even after she goes back to her room she's sobbing so hard she can't breathe. After Luke left her, as soon as he was out of earshot, she collapsed on the balcony, nauseous and freezing. It took her ten minutes more to make herself go back to Han, but by the time she gets there, she's hyperventilating. She feels like she's going to die. The parts of him left inside her just make her more aware of his absence.

Han wakes up and takes care of her. All she needs to say is, "Luke left," and he knows whatever's been going on has gotten worse.

He calls her sweetheart and baby and gets her water, and he holds her until she can breathe, until she's warm. She still doesn't sleep, but he does, a little, and she draws stability from the sound of his breath and his big, warm body; so, after dawn, she feels like she can tell him everything, and she does. About their Force connection, what happened when they made love. She tells him about how Luke found out about them, and she even tells him about Vader. She tells him about the kiss, and about Luke going away.

"So," he says, stroking her bare back. They're both naked in bed, but it's only to try to help her relax. It's helping, slowly. "He left... to try to get over you, or what?"

"What else are we supposed to do?" she asks.

Han shrugs. "I dunno, but... you think torturing yourselves is gonna help?"

Leia's aghast, and she isn't completely sure what he means, but she wants to stop talking about it.


	10. Chapter 10

Luke hardens himself to the world to forget his pain. Leia is foremost in his mind, but the reality of his existence alone weighs him down. He is responsible in one form or another for the death of his own father. The lives lost on both Death Stars plague him too. He can still recall the feeling of those lives as they were snuffed out. He is strong in the Force now. Too strong, sometimes. The only way to cope is to shut it off.

He leaves Endor with an envoy from what they're even now calling the New Republic. They are so proud of him. He attends parades and peace conferences. Sometimes he has to speak at them and he wishes Leia were there to tell him what to say. He may be a Jedi now, but she's the political figurehead. He meets and greets a thousand ambassadors from a hundred worlds. And, once or twice, he stops assassination attempts on his life.

Countless women are paraded before him by hundreds of hopeful matchmakers. Only once does he take interest in one; a petite, doe-eyed teenager with cream white skin and dark hair that spills down to her waist. But the moment she opens her mouth to speak the magic is lost, and Luke chides himself for even contemplating it. Leia is irreplaceable, and if anything he should be looking for someone completely different than her.

So he remains celibate, and that's not hard to do in the end because Jedi were apparently always celibate. Or, at the very least, they didn't form attachments. Luke wonders if it's because they've all had to shut off their hearts like he has, but suspects not. Leia is what gave him his strength to do what he had to do. Without his love for her, he would have failed his final mission.

He checks in on her, both through short messages that address Han and Chewie and the crew with smiles and jokes, and through the Force in slight touches, which reveal much deeper the endless aching pain that still echoes between them.

Luke isn't ready to see her when they finally meet again. It's only been three months, which feels both like a lifetime apart, and just a few days. But Leia and Han are heroes of the galaxy too, and eventually their paths cross. Everyone is excited to see General Solo and General Organa reunite with the Jedi Master Skywalker. Everyone but Luke, perhaps. He's not sure he'll ever be ready. 

It's an interview with a well-respected investigative journalist, to be broadcast all over the galaxy. Leia doesn't like doing things like this, but the journalist is someone she actually enjoys reading, so she agrees.

She had also been told _Luke_ already said yes.

Maybe it's not fair that she agrees for personal reasons, but it's been months since she's seen him, and they've only said a handful of words to each other.

So maybe she's cornering him a little, but she really just wants to get it over with. The longer they draw this out, the more loaded it's going to be when they do see each other again. Besides, he wouldn't have agreed to the show if he wasn't ready. She thinks.

She still dreams about a future with her hair down, but she felt too exposed on Endor when she tried it; now she's wearing it up in a twisted coronet, a new style from the Core that she's only just heard about. She hadn't realized just how long she'd been away from culture. It's more strange than anything to think how little her life resembles that of a princess.

She has a new white silk gown, a little more elaborate than the minimalist white gowns she'd worn as a teenager. During the Empire, stark, austere fashion was worn in contrast to the perceived opulence and corruption of the Old Republic. Now, already, dresses are more detailed and complex. But she still makes sure it's white. She wants to appear to all the galaxy as a blossomed and fully-realized version of the senator she'd been at eighteen.

"You look fine. He won't care."

"What?"

Han's been watching her fix her dress and hair and makeup again and again in the green room before the show. When he speaks now, he emphasizes every word, almost staccato. " _Luke won't care what you look like._ "

Silently cursing Han's uncanny intuition--she thinks he's just good at reading body language, which is why he's such a card shark--Leia realizes she did want to look good for Luke. Because she wants him to think she's doing better than she really is.

Everything is, really, going well. Leia feels productive and accomplished, and Han has been an amazing friend and lover through it all. She's been hesitant to call him her partner, though, because it's too soon after calling Luke that. She just can't.

She knows she's holding back, but she does love Han, and she's glad he's there. She's trying. She's making progress. And she's as happy as she thinks she can be without Luke. Which is pretty good.

Counting the seconds until the assistants come to get her and Han so they can all enter the holostage at the same time, Leia braces herself to see him, all that gold hair, those expressive eyes, that adorable smile... imagines it again and again. Until she does see him, and he's standing right there, and they only have a few minutes before they have to go on.

Luke is still in black, a striking contrast to Leia's glittering white and silver. His clothes are custom fit to him, fine linen and leather with touches of grey here and there throughout. He's got a thick, dark grey cloak draped over his shoulders, which has a dark clasp over his chest, holding it in place. It's not hooded like the one he wore to Jabba's Palace, but it helps make his lithe body appear bulkier. The fact is, Luke is a small man, and the New Republic has done what they can to build him up; no one wants to be disappointed when they meet a smaller larger-than-life figure. 

He's prettier than usual for the holovid. They've put rogue on his face and meticulously placed every golden strand on his head and lit him in such a way that his darks and lights balance and he glows. But not as much as Leia does when she enters.

He stares because he can't not. Everyone stares at the princess with the tall, strapping Han Solo by her side. The queen and her consort. Even Han has been groomed out of his usual fair into a handsome suit and cape. They look beautiful together, blindingly so. Luke wants to look away, but he can't.

"Leia," he finally says, and he goes to embrace her, as quickly as he possibly can, because already the recorders are rolling, and then he hugs Han as well.

That touch alone is enough to undo three months apart. Whatever resistance Luke built up to his desire for her falls away as though no time had passed at all. He does the interview on autopilot, something he's become good at over the last few months. And Leia makes it easy for him, feeding him lines and jokes. But his eyes are elsewhere when he speaks, and his heart is still.

The media loves the interview. The three of them, glowing on the holovid, giving words of wisdom to all the people of the galaxy. They eat it up, and they want more, but Luke knows he has to leave immediately or else.

As soon as the filming is complete, he takes off the ridiculous cloak and starts to pack his things. Then Han is there, leaning on his door. "Hey kid, we're heading to this dinner reception at the--" He stops, watching. "Hey, you can't leave."

"Yes, I can. And I will."

Han comes into the room more fully. "Leia's been dying to see you. Don't tell me you're gonna run out on that? On her?"

Luke stops and stares down at his bag. Han knows the truth. Han's probably the only one who does, other than Luke and Leia. "I'm not ready."

"Ready for what? Luke, she's your sister, not your executioner."

Luke winces at the words. He's not sure he'll ever quite be able to hear them and not wince. His _sister_.

Han's voice softens. "Look, all right. A fancy state dinner is too much. Let's order in. We've got a big suite, you could come over. I'll know when to make myself scarce."

" _Han_ ," Luke begins. The last thing he needs to be left alone with her. And yet, it is appealing. If nothing else, he does know leaving now without saying anything to her at all will break her heart. His own too, but protecting her from pain is more important.

"She's a shell of herself without you," Han says. "You can't tell in the videos because she's strong, but she cries at night. You can see it in her eyes, how much she misses you. You can't keep running from each other. Where's the sense in that? Try to make it work."

 _Try_ , Luke thinks. A Jedi doesn't _try_.

But perhaps he's been focused on _do not_ for too long. If he's going to be Leia's brother-- really, truly be her brother--then he has to _do_. He has to face the pain and deal with it. Perhaps the more he exposes himself to _sister_ Leia the easier it will become to accept her. He releases his bag, shoulders heavy again with the weight of his desire.

He doesn't say anything, but Han knows. "Great. C'mon, I gotta make some calls." But he doesn't let Luke out of his sight as he drags him and his bag out of Luke's suite and into the corridors. He cancels the state dinner, to much disapproval, but gets Threepio to spin a reason why. Before long, he's got an arm around Luke and a spring in his step. Everything will be fixed with Leia if he can just get these two to get over themselves.

"Sweetheart!" he calls once he returns to their enormous shared suite. "Look who I found!"

Luke stands in the doorway sheepishly, dressed down now in just his slimming black attire, too ashamed and guilty to even look at what waits beyond the doors.

Of course Leia knows who it is. He's not shielded to the point that she can't sense that it's Luke, and Han's loud, playful "sweetheart" can really only mean one thing. He wants a reaction out of her.

She'd already heard that he'd managed, somehow, to cancel the dinner, which she doesn't think was necessary, and she wishes he would have asked her. But maybe it was the only way he could get Luke to stay. If that's the case, it was more than worth it.

She's still in the dress from the interview, having spent the time in between trying to organize some notes for a speech tomorrow, thinking that she'd rather get it all done now so she can just relax.

Now that Luke's here, though, she's going to be on edge all night.

Maybe not, though, she wonders. His presence is still soothing to her on a subconscious level, and she decides she needs to listen to her subconscious more often.

He's trying not to look at her.

Han comes in, carrying Luke's bag as if he had to coax him here by holding his things hostage. Is Luke staying with them, now, or is he leaving planet as soon as they're done with dinner?

Han's kiss is quick but familiar and loving, like a husband coming home from work, and Leia wonders what it looks like to Luke. Certainly, she and Han are used to each other. He's hardly left her side since Endor.

Luke looks handsome, she thinks. More handsome than on the show, when they had him done up to look like a caricature of a hero. Now he looks like he did on Tatooine when she'd seen him as a grown man and a true Jedi for the first time.

"Hi," she says softly, trying to give him room to escape if he needs to, but also needing him to interact with her if he's going to be here. "You did so well in the interview, Luke. Actually, I've been watching every one of your recorded interviews and speeches, and I'm really impressed."

She's trying to flatter him, to let him know he's grown and that she approves. She's also trying to help for the sake of the New Republic to mentor him because he's turning into a very public symbol of what they stand for, and she needs him to do well for the sake of public relations.

She's worried, though, after she says it, that it sounds like she's obsessed with watching every holo of him she can get her hands on. And while it might not only be for personal reasons, that assumption would _not_ be wrong.

Luke slowly eases into the room, creeping, almost catlike, as though afraid to disturb anything. His eyes scan the furniture, the few personal items, before finally stopping on Leia. She's so radiant and once he looks at her he can't look away. His soul demands to feast on her presence. "I wish you could be there to tell me what to say." He watches Han disappear with his bag and makes a mental note of which room he slipped into so he can get it back later. "You're so much better at that sort of thing than me." He stands there awkwardly, not sure where to put his hands or his body.

"Really, you don't need my help. I'd be happy to take a look at your notes beforehand, though, if you're ever nervous or... anything like that," Leia offers, reflecting that Luke may not be made any less nervous by her help.

They're both clearly feeling awkward, so Leia opens a bottle of wine and pours three glasses, handing one to Luke in spite of a halfhearted protest. He doesn't have to drink it but, he does have to hold it. Han returns and downs most of his glass in one gulp while they discuss where to order dinner from. It doesn't take much negotiating to decide on a place that has more value in comfort than nutrition, and Leia figures they could all use it.

The suite has a small dining room, but for some reason they end up eating in the living room, Luke and Leia lightyears apart on opposite ends of the small couch, Han in a chair close enough to Leia to touch her. The two of them manage to pry enough out of Luke to keep the conversation going, and Leia's happy to hear everything about how he's been doing, but he's clearly extremely uncomfortable.

When they'd hugged on set, Leia had sensed something, like a dam breaking, and now it's like Luke's running around inside his head trying to patch it up.

She's not doing much better, but she's still glad Han brought him here. Sometimes Han's the only one out of the three of them who has any sense.

Luke drinks his wine, because maybe that is what he needs, but the alcohol can only touch the edges of his discomfort. He can't decide if he wants Han to stay or go. It hurts so much seeing them so casual together, but he's so happy Leia has him and isn't alone.

 _There is no try_ , he thinks again to himself. But he can't fake it like he can when they're in public, not here and now. She'd read right through him.

"I was going to leave," Luke admits, after they've finished eating. "Without saying goodbye." He doesn't look at Leia. "I'm glad you stopped me, Han. Running isn't solving anything." He's not sure staying will, either, though.

"See, I'm always right," Han says, smiling, topping off everyone's glasses.

Leia shakes her head at him, then turns to Luke and says, as bravely and sincerely as she can, "I'm really glad you're here." She feels that she needs to balance out his anxiousness, but she doesn't feel much better than he does.

Han raises an eyebrow and says, "You know, I'm gonna run back to the ship," and makes some excuse that is so obviously fictitious that Leia almost laughs. Almost, but not quite. They hadn't talked too much about this in advance, but she knows how Han feels about her and Luke being together, and she knows what he's doing.

As soon as Han leaves, Leia rolls her eyes. "He's such an idiot," she says affectionately.

"Everyone needs a good idiot sometimes," Luke says. He loves Han, but it does also somehow feel easier without him there, watching. Some part of Luke that has to be "on" in public is allowed now to turn off. "You two seem to be getting on well. The people love it... the princess and the scoundrel." He's seen all sorts of things about Leia and Han's relationship, from articles to short films. 

Leia nods. It's a good story, and it's not untrue, but she balks at the publicity of something that feels, to her, like something very complicated and personal. She doesn't mind the galaxy knowing about her and Han, it's just... such an incomplete picture. "I know." So he's been keeping up with her in the media, as well. "And the galaxy seems pretty eager to set you up with one eligible individual or another."

Luke actually manages a laugh, and he feels some tension sliding out of his shoulders. "You wouldn't believe some of the people that they try to set me up with... But, nothings panned out there. I thought it would help if I did, but... " He sets his wine glass down. 

Leia nods. She would have been so jealous if Luke had taken a sincere interest in any of his suitors, but she would have encouraged it just the same. For his sake, and hers. Maybe if he was with someone, and she was with Han.... But she's relieved to hear that nothing has happened, and for that she feels guilty. She can't try to keep him for herself now that she can't even have him. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. And she genuinely wants him to be happy.

"Anyway, I've been thinking about what to do with my life after all this fame settles down. I get enough questions about it in the interviews... but, I've thought about perhaps starting to look for other Force-sensitive people. Maybe even train a few. I don't know that I'd be any good, but... it seems like people are ready for the Jedi to return."

He's talking about training others, and she feels some jealousy there, too. She wonders if mentioning her own powers will be too sore of a spot. After all, it had been such an incredible source of intimacy in their relationship. "I... I'm still interested," she says carefully. "If you think it's a good idea."

Luke had considered looking for Jedi to be his way of distancing himself from Leia. It would take him on travels across the galaxy, and eventually, if he found a suitable group, he'd have to establish a temple somewhere to train them. He hadn't thought Leia might be among his disciples... which is foolish because she is clearly strong in the Force, and with the potential to be as strong as him. Perhaps stronger.

He's not quite sure how to respond. He wants her to join him. He would love to train together with her and teach her properly. "Have you practiced much since... then?"

"No," Leia admits, and wonders if she'd been too eager to volunteer. It only makes sense that she would train as a Jedi, because she feels that she had already come fairly far in that direction, considering her lack of any formal training whatsoever. And Luke had always advocated for her abilities, even when she, herself, doubted them. The thought of him looking elsewhere for Jedi candidates when she's sitting right next to him just seems absurd.

Besides, using the Force without Luke there, or without using it to contact Luke, has felt strange, and she can't deny that being now aware of the fact that she inherited this ability from _Vader_ has turned her off considerably. But every time she and Luke have used the Force to interact with each other, it's felt better than anything else ever has in her life. She believes the dark side exists, but to her, the Force is just what she's done with Luke, and it's all beautiful. It hurts a lot, sometimes, but it's never malicious. What Vader had supposedly seen when he looked at the Force is outside of her experience entirely.

Maybe associating the Force with her experiences with Luke is exactly the reason she shouldn't train with him. Maybe he wouldn't want her anywhere near him with that again.

He called her a monster, didn't he?

She collects herself. "No, just to check in with you. I didn't really...." She shakes her head. "I didn't really know how to practice it without you. I know I can, just...."

Luke watches her face, more closely than he's allowed himself to do so in recent memory. He can see the conflict flickering under the surface. It mirrors his own. "You could become a very powerful Jedi," he says with utmost confidence. "And I think I could train you." He thinks that if there was anyone in the galaxy he could train, it would be Leia. "I..." He doesn't speak his doubts about how difficult it would be to separate training from something more with her, though. "I've wanted to try something. You don't have to if you don't want, but... I'd like to try to open the Force connection between us again, like before... Only, maybe here," he gestures to a space on the hard floor, "fully dressed. Side-by-side." He looks at her. If they could have the connection without the intimacy, perhaps that'd go a long way toward healing them.

Leia's heart thuds for a second, and it's partially the memory Luke's alluded to. But, much more, it's the fact that even mentioning "before" in passing is a step forward with him.

She wants to try his experiment, but she wonders if they're ready to share that much. She's ready, except she's not sure if he's ready to see all of her again, and that makes her apprehensive. If she were to drive him further away, she'd have even more lost ground to make up. If he can feel her feelings.... "Why?" she asks. "You just want to see... if we _can_ without touching?"

Luke lowers his gaze. _Why_? Perhaps she doesn't miss the connection between them as much as he does. She has Han now to distract her. He feels foolish suddenly; childish. Like a boy who still needs his favorite toy to sleep at night. Like the _kid_ Han still calls him. "I thought," he begins, then stops to clear the emotions out of his throat. "I thought it might be nice if we could find a proper way to have that connection again." He shakes his head and doesn't look up at her. "I've missed it."

 _Of_ course _you've missed it_ , she's screaming in her head while trying to block him at the same time. _It's the most wonderful thing that has_ ever _happened._

He's sheepish, and she also misses the days that she could tease him and draw him out when he was self-conscious, kissing away his blushes and objections. Leia clamps down hard on that feeling. There's no point. No use. And she won't entertain it.

Why does it seem like three months ago was twenty years ago? Or more?

"I've missed it, too," she says softly, her voice husky, letting her eyes show Luke just the smallest amount of how hard it's been for her. "I want to try it."

Luke finally looks up at her, catching the look in her eyes that speaks to him far more than the words do. A sense of relief washes over him and he manages the smallest of smiles. The fact that she wants to and he wasn't quite sure tells him everything; just how disconnected they've been from each other since Endor. He can't read her at all sometimes. He tries to think of something else to say, but then he can't. Now that she's agreed, the only thing he wants to do is to try it. Now.

He stands up and moves the caf table aside so there is a place enough for them to lie out on the floor. He thinks of adding pillows or a blanket but decides to keep it as uncomfortable as possible. It's not meant to be intimate. It's just a brother and a sister lying side-by-side on the floor.

Leia lies down next to him, and for the smallest fraction of a second her muscle memories almost guide her to his shoulder as a pillow, but she stops the impulse long before she even begins to physically act. They're just a sister and brother lying side-by-side on the floor, she reminds herself. They're just going to meditate. She's a student of the Jedi arts.

"How... do we start it?" she asks. If they could just take hands, that would be something--but without even that, she doesn't know how to take the first step.

Luke comes to the same conclusion. Perhaps someday, with enough practice, they won't need to touch at all, but right now, there has to be some connection. He reaches out and laces his fingers between hers. It's not intimate at all, but almost more intimate than he can bear.

Then he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and opens the floodgates he's kept shuttered since Ylesia.

This is the most they've been connected in months and months, since they realized Vader was using it to track them. There were moments that it was the same kind of connection, but it was never this much, this complete. Leia draws in a long sharp breath as he washes into her like a tsunami, and she lets everything go and responds in kind. She squeezes her eyes shut and digs her fingers into Luke's hand--his left hand, the real one, and she feels her own fingers on his skin as clearly as she feels his skin under her fingers.

This is like being home. This is the only time she's home.

What had Luke said? _When I'm with you, I am you._

She's thinking consciously about the memory, and she knows, in this state, that means Luke is as well.

It's so intense after so long that Luke can hardly even breathe. He realizes he should've edged into it more slowly; opened up the connection gently over time, but it's too late now. His soul craves this, the melding and merging with his other half. The darkness is blasted away by her light, and his essences rushes into her and fills all her holes, and hers into him, erasing away his grief. With her, in that moment, there is only light and love and rightness. Wholeness. 

Their bodies don't matter, there on the floor, but they move of their own accord, drawn together by the power and familiarity between them, and each inch of flesh that touches increases the power. Their bodies don't know what limits their brains have set, and they fall into old familiar patterns, until they're facing each other, touching over clothes and seeking more.

Their physical beings seem incidental, coincidental, a side-effect of their spiritual nature. _Luminous beings are we_ , Leia hears, and knows it's something Luke knows, and that he knows it right now in a way that he maybe never has before. They don't decide to face each other, or open their eyes so they can stare into each others' like two mirrors each reflecting the other, they don't make a choice to touch each others' hair and faces and both hands, or to press their foreheads together, or to move their bodies together and interlace the bends of their legs, but they do all of those things as one creature, and it's as one creature that they brush their lips across each others' as well.

Their lips touching is just another layer of connection between them, serving to further intensify the union, the merge of two souls into one; no, of merging one split soul back together. Once that connection is made, Luke loses himself completely. He is Leia. She is Luke. They are one being, connected in light. His hands move through folds of fabric to find more flesh, to touch those parts of Leia's body that mimic his own, to press his palm against a breast, to slide his arms around her waist, drawing her closer against his body. He wants the light to swallow them both; if he could abandon the physical form and live like this inside Leia forever only then would it be enough.

He rolls on top of her, to press his body more firmly into hers. There is no hard floor beneath them, no room or city around them. There is only light and the Force, guiding them to what's natural and right. But the clothing Luke wears prevents him from delving where he's been before, and though the Force guides his hands, it can't guide him through the buckles and layers.

They watch Leia's hands unbuckling Luke's belt and unzipping his pants, pulling his tunic off over his head. They watch Luke's hands pulling Leia's new white dress up to her waist and reaching between her legs to touch her nub, to feel how wet she is. The top of her dress is off her shoulders, and Luke's kissing her nipples while she has one hand on his chest and the other in his pants. Every new touch merges them more, and they feel blindingly bright, binary stars absorbing each other and emerging as one star a million times more brilliant that the sum of the original two. They hear Leia gasp his name.

_Luke_

There's a voice in his head that isn't his own. A name that doesn't belong to either of them. And yet it has a pair, a twin.

_Leia_

It belongs to neither of them and both of them. Two separate beings trying to rejoin, and yet some deep seed inside them says _don't_.

"Leia," his mouth says, and the voice follows. He repeats it again and again, to stop himself from kissing her. "Leia, Leia, Leia." And, like coming out of a dream, he shuts down the connection. Not completely, but enough to become Luke again, and see where the Force has moved them, where his hands are on his sister's body, where his mouth is on her breast, and feel how receptive he is to her.

And while every fiber of his being begs him to let go and return to what Leia and he both want, the rational, moral man recoils and draws back, cutting the connection again completely, and pushing himself away, until he's crumpled against the wall, panting hard and aching, echoing. His eyes remain transfixed on the beauty before him, and he feels hot tears splash down his cheeks for what he's forcing himself to lose, knowing that, even with the best intentions, they will give in.

"Luke," Leia gasps again as she feels him retreat inside himself, and it's almost a question. What happened, and why did it stop? And then she really sees, for the first time, her brother leaning over her, his hand up under her dress, and she pushes him away, out of surprise more than anything. She'd been fully aware as it was happening, just....

She hadn't been only her, and now she is again.

"I'm sorry," she says, and realizes she's crying silently, and so is he, and they're staring at each other in shock and pain. "Luke... I... I'm sorry."

Luke shakes his head, aching to go to her, to gather her in his arms and kiss away her tears, but he can't move. Not even enough to pull his clothes back on. "I should've been stronger," he gasps, staring at her. How can he feel so wonderful and horrible all at once?

"It was me," Leia says, pulling her dress down. "I started it, I was thinking about... Ylesia."

It was both of them. It was the collective _Us_. They were both thinking about it. They were responding to what was natural to them. Luke manages to pull himself up onto the couch and fix his clothes. It takes a few more seconds before he can get to his feet. He wants to help Leia up, but he's afraid to touch her. "I have to go away. I can't stay here."

She hates how hard it is to read all of his emotions and levels of meaning with him completely closed off like that. "We can't just stay away from each other forever. We have to talk about this." She shakes her head. For being one person, they can be so different. She tries to stand to fix her dress, but the best she can do is kneel. Her connection to Luke was broken so suddenly that it feels like half of her body is missing and she can't remember how to move this half on its own. She manages to fix the dress anyway, only to notice that some of the beading has been torn off. Were they really that... desperate? "Don't leave again. That's not going to fix anything and you know it."

Luke's legs tremble and he falls to his knees in front of her, head hanging, wrecked and throbbing, aching and empty. How good it had been to be with her again. How right and bright and warm and welcoming. How bereft he feels now, and ashamed. "I really thought I could control it," he whispers. But the moment he opened the connection, some force inside him lost itself to her completely. There was no way of moderating it, no way to just open a crack. It was all or nothing, and the longer he went with nothing, the more he craved the all. Leaving is torture, but staying is even worse. "What can I do?" he asks, his voice ragged and broken. He knows she doesn't have the answers.

"I don't know," she says, feeling the tears still streaming down her face. She wants to be the mature one, the responsible, take-charge one. A princess, a senator, a leader. But when she tries to find that person inside her, it looks to her like it's so fragile and imaginary and it crumbles as soon as she touches it. What can either of them do? They are completely ruined either way.

She just doesn't want him to go, so she reaches out to try to touch his shoulder, to try to comfort them both.

Luke crumbles into her touch, as if the light that had infused them moments ago had blasted away their insides and left a fragile shell in their place. He tries not to touch her, but it's impossible. He _needs_ her. "We can't keep doing this," Luke whispers as he pulls Leia to him, feeling safe enough to hold her corporeal body at least while he keeps the Force connection completely cut off. He clings to her, his body trembling as the emotions threaten to spill over. "It will destroy me."

"But there isn't anything else," Leia breathes into him, and it seems to her that without Luke, everything she does is a purposeful distraction at best, and a complete and utter lie at worst. With him around, she honestly believes in herself, the New Republic, Han... but without Luke, she can only fake her way through it. His arms around her alone are almost enough to tear her apart, even though he's completely closed off to her, but she will gladly cling to any part of him that she can touch even if it ruins her. "This is the only thing that's real."

"We _can't_ ," Luke says, his voice finally breaking. He pulls back, forcing himself to distance themselves, and in that moment, he sees her face, tear-streaked and beautiful, so full of love and anguish, and realizes he wants her just as badly now as he did moments ago. The Force completes them, but it's not what powers his love for her. Even shut completely off, he cannot bear to be without her, and that's maybe the cruelest truth of them all. It is no trick or mistake of the Force. He's in love with his sister. No amount of blocking her will stop the desire. The only remote escape is distance. "We can't," he repeats in a ragged whisper.

"I know," she says, because she does, because it's the only answer that makes any logical sense. They can't. They can't have any of this. The longer they're apart, the easier it will be, she insists to herself, because the Force isn't doing this. It's them. She loves him, the playful farmboy, the haunted Jedi, the friend who's always been there for her these past trying years, the man who's cared for her and made her laugh and who would have always be there no matter what. That's the man she loves, and the Force only pushes them together. It doesn't make her love him. She fell in love with him at least as much as she was meant to be with him, and he will always be the man she fell in love with. And that man is her twin brother.

"Go if you're going," she says, crying into her hands. "I can't take this."

At first, Luke can't move. This is it. This is the end. Maybe someday he can come back, once he's learned to control the Force or himself better, but not any time soon. He has to say goodbye to her. Goodbye to all of this.

The words on his lips are _I love you_ , but he doesn't dare say it this time. They both know it, and it's already too painful to bear. So he gets to his feet, shaky and unsure, then disappears into the room Han where took his bag. He finds it sitting on a bed and grabs it quickly. His path takes him back through the living room, where Leia is still collapsed on the floor, starlight dripping with tears, and his heart shutters. How can loving someone bring them so much pain?

He doesn't say good bye. He can't. He memorizes her face wreathed in sorrow and agony and imprints it in his heart. This is what happens if he gives in. This is what his love has wrought: endless suffering.

He whispers a silent prayer that she might survive it better than him, and then he disappears, blending into the night and then stars where no one can trace him. 

Han comes home and Leia's still sitting on the floor just as Luke left her, and she doesn't know if it's been twenty minutes or three hours. It's dark and she hasn't turned on any lights. "What happened?" Han asks, and clearly didn't anticipate the magnitude, the fallout of what could happen to them if left alone. She can't answer. She can barely hear him. She reaches for Luke and can't find him.

Han goes to her, makes her stand, kisses her forehead. "He gone?"

She nods. He's completely gone. Maybe forever.

"What happened?"

"We're in love," Leia says simply.

"No kidding," Han says, and she doesn't know how he can be so casual about this. "I could'a told you that."

"We couldn't...." Her mouth is dry, and she's having trouble remembering words. "We couldn't help it...."

He puts her to bed, helps her take off the dress that was supposed to symbolize the return of Senator Organa but is now crumpled and has torn beadwork. He hangs it up for her, anyway. It can be fixed, she thinks vaguely, and then wonders why it matters. How can anything matter?

But Han takes care of her, and eventually she feels that she might live, after all, though not well. Still, he's the only thing that could have helped at all. She can't imagine how lonely Luke is. Han would gladly take care of him, too, if he'd have stayed. But then what? Would they be in each others' arms, now? Crying on the floor at arm's length? Is there even a way for her to be near Luke anymore?

"I guess I don't get why you're doing this to yourselves," Han says, hours later, holding Leia in their bed. She's not going to sleep, and he probably won't, for awhile, either. "He could be here right now, with us. Nothing that hasn't happened before."

"That's disgusting."

He shrugs. "I don't think so."

What if Luke had stayed? What if Han had really been able to anchor them both?

Leia shakes her head. It's too late now. They'll never know.


	11. Chapter 11

Luke runs.

He runs to the edge of the galaxy, beyond the Rim, to a place where the only stars he can see are those in distant galaxies. And in that place, farther from life than anyone could possibly be, he opens himself to the Force again. And immediately he feels Leia. He feels her pain as if it were his own, and knows she is still suffering despite the days that have passed to get him to this place. He feels her agony, and knows she must feel his for that one moment that he allows himself to touch the greatness outside him, and he relishes in it, because even in suffering and pain, his soul craves touching Leia's. Even in her agony he is healed.

He only allows the connection for a few seconds. Then, all is black and cold in the deep of space again. There is nowhere he can run to escape her. There is no way he can find other Force users and train them. He cannot use the Force at all.

Some wild part of him, staring into the void, finds the solution.

_Give yourself to the Force_ , the voice whispers. _Completely_.

Death does not frighten him. He knows there is greatness beyond, and that he will become one with all energy. Why wait in suffering? If he goes now he can be with Leia. His energy can merge with hers, he's sure of it. They can finally be whole again. It's a simple, elegant solution.

All he has to do is open the airlock.

His hands begin to flip switches, and he is immediately greeted with a whirl of beeps. His eyes are drawn to the dash readout. "It's all right, Artoo. I know what I'm doing."

The beeps continue their protest and two of the switches Luke flipped turn themselves back on automatically.

Sighing, Luke shakes his head. "It's for the best, believe me."

He flips the switches again, and this time Artoo makes a sad little whirl. Luke stares at his hands. It's funny how quiet Ben and Yoda and his father are. What must they be thinking now, watching him about to end his life because of his incestuous infatuation with his sister? He wants to rage at them, to blame them for not telling him the truth sooner, but some part of him is not sure it would have even mattered. 

Anyway, he'll get his chance to tell those ghosts off soon enough.

"Once it's depressurized," Luke says, "I want you to turn the ship around and fly back home. There's no sense in you dying out here, too."

Artoo gives another trill of defiance. Luke can hear him rocking back and forth in his bearings. Luke's in no hurry just yet to open the airlock and end it all, but his hand hovers over the release. And then Artoo rolls into view outside the front screen, riding down the roof and onto the nose of the small ship Luke's commanded. Artoo stops when he's level with Luke's face, and Luke is so curious about the actions of one strange astromech droid that all he can do is watch. 

Then Artoo's hatch opens and suddenly, projecting through the glass and onto Luke's lap is Leia, pleading for Obi-Wan to come rescue her. The scratchy blue holovid immediately evokes a twinge of passion and pain in Luke. The wonder of her beauty, the old familiar flutter in his chest from wanting to help her. He fell in love with her because of this, he realizes. Long before anyone knew anything about anyone, he was in love with Leia. It was his destiny... and, he realizes, hers.

They are their father's children. Strong in the Force. United in the Force, for better or worse.

" _You're my only hope_ ," she pleads.

Maybe Luke hasn't tried everything after all. 

Maybe there is one more option. 

It is reckless and foolish and so, so selfish, but it means life. It means living with hope. Maybe it even means walking along the edge of the dark side, but after all Luke has done and suffered, maybe he deserves something in return.

"All right," he says, his voice thick. "You made your point. Get back in place. We're going home."

It takes almost two weeks for Luke to return from the edge of the galaxy. It's not been quite a month since he made his final farewell to his sister and flew off to end it all. 

She isn't hard to track down, even without using the Force. She's very famous, and no one denies him answers when he asks questions, not even if they want to. He moves quickly in the night, long after he's sure everyone is asleep. If he doesn't move quickly he fears he'll stop.

Leia's current room is in an apartment building jutting into the sky, and so Luke steals a skimmer and rides it up to the fiftieth floor, then leaps onto her spacious balcony, sending his black cloak fluttering. Han's inside, sleeping alongside her, and Luke feels immense sadness for what this will do to his friend should it work. But he has no other choice. Standing there in the blackness of night, he cracks opens the connection to his sister and waits for her to come.

When Leia feels Luke for the first time in weeks, she's shocked to find that he's here.

Here. 

Right _here_. He's on their balcony.

Under normal circumstances she would roll her eyes at Luke's dramatics. To fly to your true love's balcony in the middle of the night, cloak flying, while she sleeps in another man's arms--why can't Luke just send her a message like anyone else? But this is far from normal circumstances, and she can't even think clearly enough to get that far. Luke hasn't made any noise. Han is fast asleep, and she and Luke both want him to stay that way.

She knows Luke wants her to come outside; that he's come for her and he knows she'll go to him. So she pulls a simple black silk dress over her head and leaves her hair down as she opens the balcony door. He's standing there, and he looks more handsome and resolute than she's ever seen him, his blue eyes _intense_ and pleading, and, with no more second thoughts, no more doubts, she runs to him.

Their kiss is beyond passion, with an intense hunger that only feeds itself. _I love you_ , Leia shouts into the Force, drawing his body closer and closer as she opens her soul to him fully. _I love everything about you. Never leave me again._

Luke's arms are strong around her, holding her firm and tight and as he kisses her back relief and joy flood through him. He holds her tightly, unable to believe just how close he'd let himself get to losing her completely. " _Leia_ ," he groans, breaking the kiss only to kiss her ear and feel her warm body through her thin gown. "Run away with me." He had rehearsed something better in his head before, some impassioned speech that would match his arrival, but it's all gone now that she's in his arms. He doesn't need to explain any further what he's asking means. She knows. It's the only way.

Part of Leia can't believe she's doing this, but that part is like a distant memory, and it has almost no voice in her current consciousness. She nods emphatically. She goes back only for her boots and what little physical currency she has. She doesn't need anything else, and Han will forgive her. Even the second she goes back inside is torture, knowing Luke is only meters away and she's not touching him.

They're only able to control themselves between the balcony and hyperspace because they know they have to get out as soon as possible, and once they do, they'll be free. But Leia's mind is full of him, and their breathing is ragged, and they're both barely keeping their desires at bay.

As soon as they make the jump, Leia straddles him in the pilot's chair, opening his pants without any words or prelude. She feels that they're just picking up where they left off.

There are no words because words aren't needed. Leia's there, and she wants him as badly as he has ever wanted her. Luke's hands are on her hips, his mouth is on her mouth and his body is inside hers again, and the connection is complete, blasting like a supernova through the universe as they give in. It's everything and more, and Luke can't stop staring up into her eyes as he moves his body in hers again, gasping and panting in utter relief at finally submitting to her.

The awareness that he's going against everything his moral upbringing has taught him only heightens the sensation. That he's had to hold off for so long only to finally give in to love makes the reunion all the more passionate and sweet. He loves Leia fully and completely, infusing every last inch of her with his essence, and opening himself to drink her entire being.

And all too soon he's gasping into her mouth as he erupts inside her, bucking violently as he comes, gripping her hard enough to leave sweet bruises on her skin that's his skin. And as her body responds in time with his, massaging him to even greater pleasures, he feels the union complete. They're one again.

It's been over a year since they've joined this intensely, but it feels like their true nature, and nothing has ever, ever felt more right to either of them. As their climax subsides, Leia holds him, gasping for air against his neck as he continues to hold her hips firmly over his. She notices the pain from where his fingers dug into her, and she loves knowing that he had wanted her that badly. That they had wanted each other so desperately, in spite of everything, sometimes even because of everything.

She's not sad. She is, in fact, happier than she's ever been, but she can't help but cry to release the tension that's been destroying her since Endor. She sits up, smiling at him as she wipes her eyes. Smiling brightly.

Dismounting him, she takes his hand and leads him to the only narrow bunk on the ship, where she takes off her dress, then helps him with his more complicated clothing. They haven't spoken since the balcony, and she doesn't see any need. They only need a short break, and then their hands and mouths are roaming over each others bodies again, exploring everywhere. Their lovemaking has always been intense and to-the-point, but sometimes if they do it twice in a row, the second time is much more slow and deliberate. They both remember the pattern, and they let themselves return to it, but it's all just a lead-up to Luke thrusting into her again, his weight on her and his mouth leaving marks on her neck.

Luke hikes Leia's legs up, angling her hips so he can stroke her deeper and better. His body has a purpose again, a reason to exist, and it's to pleasure Leia, to make up for the time he spent away from her; to apologize for what he put them both through; for not coming to this conclusion before. He loves her on that narrow bed more slowly than before, but deeper and more intimately. His muscles strain with each thrust, and his breath washes over her as he moves, claiming her, owning her, and giving his whole essence to her. He's not sure he'll ever be able to stop. Perhaps only coming out of hyperspace will break the spell they've submitted to.

Eventually, they sleep.

For the first time since Endor, Leia actually sleeps well, tangled and messy with Luke, on top of the blanket. She's not even sure how many times they make love, but they'd spent hours claiming each other again and again and leaving marks and whispering and... it's just a daze. When she wakes up, he's waking up, too, his hair falling in his eyes like it used to when he was younger, and they smile sleepily at each other. "Hi," Leia whispers, and it's the first thing she's said. "You look so...." She sighs. "So cute right now." There's the passion there, the _oneness_ , but sometimes she just needs him to be this sleepy boy with hair in his eyes and she needs to dote on him. She loves all parts of him, completely.

She kisses him softly. They're free. The freest they've ever been.

Luke smiles, full of laughter and light. It's freeing. Every breath, every movement, every glance is full of rejuvenation and joy. He's lived in a dark tunnel for months and now he can see. Reaching out, he pushes a lock of long dark hair behind Leia's ear, tenderly rubbing his thumb against her cheek. He feels ten years younger, light and carefree. It's impossible to believe only a few weeks ago he was ready to end it all. "We're headed to Ylesia," he says, finally. It was occupied by Imperials after they left, but he checked during his two week trip back, and it's independent again. 

Leia smiles. "I know." They'd decided together, without words, in their fervor before the jump. But they hadn't talked about it aloud. Even when they're separate, even when they're just Luke and Leia, he still knows what that place means to her. It was the only time they'd been safe to love each other. The only time their love didn't come at a price. "Second honeymoon?" she teases.

Luke kisses her, how can he not? He can kiss her any time he wants now, and he wants to all the time. Second honeymoon. He can't stop smiling. "I suppose that means I'll have to marry you." He interlaces his fingers with hers then brings her hand to his mouth to kiss her fingers. They can have it all now. At the loss of everything, they can have it all.

_Marry her._ They'd never talked about it. She and Han had never talked about it. Everything had just always seemed too complicated, and they had time later. Now, it _is_ later. This is the future they'd been waiting for. Peace.

She can't decide if he's teasing or not, even across their connection, and she thinks that's probably because he doesn't know if he's teasing. "I wish you could. I'd say yes, you know."

Eyes shining, Luke feels the love well up in him again. It's indescribable. He's so happy he's sure he's bound to break. They don't need marriage to make anything official. There's nothing more real or official than what they have. But there's a romanticism in the idea; in the commitment, even if no one else could ever know. "I mean it. More than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, like this. Together. Will you marry me, Leia Organa?" He's laughing, blushing at the absurdity of it, but his heart is overflowing with joy.

Leia laughs, too, gazing up at him, smiling in astonishment at the unabashed romantic he becomes sometimes. She's beaming, but she says, "What are you talking about? We can't do that--what if someone--?"

" _Marry me_ ," Luke insists, crawling out of the bed, disrupting and untangling all of their limbs so he can kneel on the cold floor in front of her, naked and glowing. "No one will find out. Who would we even invite? Artoo?" He laughs, loving, warm, welcoming.

He looks ridiculous, naked, his hair falling every which way, his eyes begging her, smiling. Sitting up, Leia pushes his hair out of his face. Beautiful farm boy. She feels so silly, but she's so happy.

He's waiting for her answer. It couldn't be legal. They could never tell anyone. But if he wants a ceremony, vows, whatever else... then Leia can't think of anything she wants more. Holding both of his hands, she nods confidently. "Luke... yes. Of course."

It's stupid how happy it makes him. He doesn't think he can get happier than he already is, and then he's promising marriage to Leia and she to him. It's absurd, it's almost ridiculous on top of everything else, and yet it feels so good and _right_. The idea that they can live this dream--this _fantasy_ \--to it's truest extent. He would marry her for real in a heartbeat if she weren't his sister. There's a feeling of reclaiming his own destiny by agreeing to marry each other anyway, against the odds. "I love you." He knows he doesn't need to say, but there's nothing else that can express his feelings adequately. He kisses her again, crawling back on top of her to return where he belongs.  
\--

The flight to Ylesia is spent almost entirely in bed, mostly loving each other, but they also find time for truly restful sleep and to eat food they're genuinely hungry for, for the first time in a long time. They both feel resurrected, sprouts blossoming from withered roots that had seemed dead.

Miraculously, the honeymoon cottage is open, and they convince the owner to sell it to them outright, bribing the rental booker to cancel any future reservations. Now, it can always be their oasis. Leia isn't sure what their plans are, but she wants to stay there as long as possible, or until their love and their adventurous spirits take them elsewhere.

They don't have much money as neither want to touch their personal accounts for fear of being traced, but Luke has some on hand, and combined with a few Jedi mind tricks it's enough for Leia to buy them both new clothes and other things they'll need in town. They brought almost nothing with them. She feels embarrassed purchasing one pale blue lace dress that Luke looks at a little confused. They don't really have any use for formal clothing.

"It's my wedding dress," she says in reply to his questioning, feeling herself blush like a girl, then grabbing Luke to kiss him.

The night they move into the cottage, Leia wears the dress to walk with Luke through the jungle hand-in-hand. There's an intention, a ceremony to their gait, and when they get to the edge of the forest, they're on a cliff overlooking a river valley diffuse with golden light from the setting sun. Luke found this place on his runs last year, and they'd agreed it was the place.

Trundling behind them through the jungle, carrying a bouquet of wild flowers, follows a happily whirring R2D2. 

Luke expected Leia to have her hair done up in elaborate braids to mark the ceremony, some fancy Alderaani style, but her hair is down and free, with only one single braid as a coronet to keep her out of her face, and she looks more beautiful and peaceful than he's ever seen. He turns to her and takes both her hands in his. His heart feels like bursting, and he thinks no man has ever felt so happy and free before. The guilt and shame he thought would swallow him have gone completely, erased by Leia's love for him.

Without an officiator he's not quite sure how to start. "Leia... I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Smiling, stifling a laugh, Leia thinks maybe they should have prepared vows. As soon as they were settled back into their old sanctuary, though, she and Luke had both basically asked the other if they wanted to get married that night. It was instantly agreed, and they'd gotten ready, their formal clothes unable to conceal all of the bruises and love bites left from their time in hyperspace. Leia's glad. She wants to see the marks she left on Luke's neck.

She didn't know she was capable of being this carefree. Nothing could bother her today. She and Luke--and Artoo--are the only beings in the entire universe. She knows no shame or fear or misgivings. This is it. This is the only thing that has ever made sense.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Luke." She squeezes his hands. "We had a slow start, but I knew I wanted to be with you forever from the moment I saw you. And everything we experience together makes me more sure of that. Everything," she adds emphatically. She hasn't forgotten anything. It's all brought her closer to him.

There's a warm, pleasant ache in Luke's chest knowing perhaps she fell in love with him almost as quickly as he fell in love with her. There's a poetic justice to it; a righteousness. Force or no Force, this was their destiny. Being _separated_ from her was the thing bringing Luke closer to darkness, _not_ accepting his love for his sister. He can't stop smiling. "I'll love you until I die," he says. "Beyond. Until the end of time. There's no one else. There could never be anyone else." He squeezes her hands in return. "You complete me."

"I'll love you forever," Leia promises sincerely. "I always have loved you. Since before I was born, and I'll love you until the last stars burn out."

There's nothing else to be said. There's no one to make it any more official, but Artoo gives a couple happy beeps, and Luke smiles, glad in a way that the little droid is with them here. Artoo brought Leia to him twice now. He'll forever be grateful. 

So, with only the universe watching, Luke cups Leia's face in his hands and kisses her, long and sweet. The sun spills golden over the jungle before them, warming them both, and seals the deal. Even if only they can ever know, at least in the eyes of the universe they are now and forever husband and wife.

Leia feels different walking home with him. It's like the Force has approved of their marriage, and she knows she's glowing with it; he is, too. It seems that every plant and animal they pass is waiting for them, excited to see the newlyweds on parade. She basks in her happiness. Holding hands with Luke has never felt so intense or so ecstatically happy.

Since their sealing kiss, the energy between them has been even more electric than usual. She had bought food and champagne for their wedding dinner, but she finds that she's not hungry, for now, and the last thing she wants to do is dull any of her senses with alcohol. She had anticipated wanting to celebrate, wanting to make it as much of a wedding as she can, but the sort of things present at other weddings seem so unimportant now that she's Luke's wife and they have their whole lives to live together. That's already the celebration. Nothing else is needed, and right now it feels like nothing else ever will be needed.

She's sure they'll eat eventually, but when they get back to the house, they immediately go to the bedroom, thanking Artoo for witnessing and asking him for privacy. He says something that sounds like a joke, but Leia doesn't understand it, before wheeling away, humming to himself.

She and Luke exchange expectant smiles as they close the door. This is different. This is different than the other times. There's a reverence they've never had, a deep appreciation for the sanctity of their relationship. They stand facing each other, smiling, savoring the moment. Finally, Leia says, like it's the best thing she's ever heard, because it is, and she can't believe it, "I'm your wife!" She goes to him and puts her arms around his waist, smiling up at him.

Hearing her say it makes Luke almost heady with joy. "My wife." He wraps his arms around her in return. "And I'm your husband." He laughs, almost bashful. It's so silly to be so enamored of the titles. Nothing about it makes it more real than what they had before, and yet it fills him with euphoria. And yet there is a real sense around them that somehow it _is_ more official. Even if no one else knows, the universe does. _They_ know. And for Luke, they are the only ones who matter. He kisses her and lifts her up to spin her when he does, light and free. He can't believe he can feel like this for the rest of his life.

Leia giggles. When he puts her down, she sobers a little, her smile losing some of its glee but gaining slyness. She looks him in the eye, letting the fingers of one hand trail sensually down her skin from her collarbone to the ribbon lacing up her wedding dress, moving slowly, making sure Luke's watching her. She pulls one end of the ribbon, and the low neck of her dress loosens as the bow unties. She pulls the laces out with even, deliberate movements, setting her breasts free--as usual, she has nothing on under her dress, and she intends to use that to dramatic effect.

Luke watches as she undresses for him, biting his lip to contain his smile. She's so incredible, and he can hardly believe, even now, that she can want him as much as he wants her. Once her dress is down, he lets out a groan of appreciation and steps closer again to pull the dress the rest of the way off her. He kisses her more passionately this time and helps her as she undresses him. His clothes are simple now. Gone are the blacks, replaced by sandy-creams and ivory with touches of earth-brown. They are the sky and the earth reuniting. He lifts her once he's freed and enters her while he's standing, with her legs wrapped around his middle.

And he carries her like that into the bathroom which he had set up, while she was getting ready and picking wildflowers, with candles and sweet fragrances, as she had once before. It's only fitting to use the bathroom and the honeymoon package the way it was meant to be used. "Welcome home," he breathes into her neck once he stops kissing her long enough to speak.

Her attention is elsewhere until she hears his voice, and she opens eyes previously closed in pleasure to see the bathroom full of candles, a bath drawn in the huge tub, the water being kept warm by the tub's heater.

She doesn't know whether to laugh at him or swoon. When she'd done the same thing for him she'd felt it was almost a joke, though one that she hoped would get him to relax for awhile, and it had succeeded beautifully, turning into one of her happiest memories. He knows that. And this gesture, as a recreation of that night, on their wedding night, is at least twice as absurd and a hundred times as romantic. She never expected to have anyone do anything this romantic for her in all her life. People don't really do things like that, do they?

"Luke, you--" And then she can't look at the candles anymore because all she can see is him. "I know you know this, but... the Force might have chosen us for each other, but I would have chosen you, anyway." She laughs at herself, at the two of them. "I can't believe you did this. I can't believe I didn't know!"

He pulses inside her--not that Leia needs physical cues to know how painfully aroused he is--and she draws a small gasp, tightening her arms around his neck and kissing him, squeezing her legs around him to drive him deeper into her. "Thank you," she whispers.

It's more perfect than Luke imagined, her reaction even more sweet and appreciative. He settles them into the bath, sinking into the blissful, warm water with Leia still straddling him, riding him. They've made love hundreds of times in their life by now, but this time it's somehow even more special. This time they're husband and wife. This time they know all the truths and have laid them bare, and they've decided they don't matter. Only their love for each other matters. Luke groans beautifully as he grips Leia's hips harder, using her weight to counteract the buoyancy of the water. Every thrust matches the song in his heart.

Leia is his _wife_. She's _his_. He is _hers_. They finally _belong_. 

"Leia," he moans, and it's almost some sort of warning, though he knows she doesn't need it. She knows where it leads; where it always leads. But somehow it's different. She's his _wife_ , and that intense knowledge somehow surpasses every other time he's made love to her. He ignites like never before, brighter than a thousand supernova, and pushes all of his essence, his very soul into her.

Leia feels her soul rise up to meet Luke as he pours into her, and she cries out as they come, holding Luke in the hot water. It's different than other times, and she assumes it's because they're married, now, but it's as if his very essence is joining hers in a very intentional way. Even after their orgasm is over; even after the oneness of their union passes, the oneness is still there.

The candles have all gone out again, and Leia laughs.

She doesn't mention the difference to Luke. He must have felt it, too, and it must be because they're married, so she holds him close silently as they re-light the candles together using the Force.


	12. Chapter 12

They had been focused entirely on each other the entire trip over, but after their wedding night, their desires for each other cool to a manageable level, and Leia feels as if she can think again. She notices the difference, but assumes they've just adjusted to really being together again, caught up with all the sex they would have had when they were apart. It goes back to once or twice a day on average. If they miss a day they always more than make it up, and there are some mornings they don't get out of bed for a long time, but they're no longer completely insatiable.

Leia senses another difference, too. Something about her? Something between her and Luke? She doesn't understand what it is; she has no context for it. It's microscopic but nagging, but she mostly lets it go, assuming it's because the universe knows they're bound to each other in a way they weren't before.

Luke's started spending time out in the jungle doing what he calls training, and Leia often goes with him, learning little by little the Jedi skills that Luke had learned from Ben and Yoda and the lore tapes from Coruscant. Sometimes, what he wants to practice is more advanced, and Leia stays home, happy to have some time to herself.

One morning, two months later, Leia's breasts are so sore when Luke touches them in bed that she almost yelps; later, she comes into the kitchen where Luke is making breakfast, and the smell from the food makes her practically run to the bathroom to be sick. "You should go without me today," Leia says to Luke after he fusses over her. "Really, I'll be fine. You got some horrible bug here once--that's all this is."

Luke shakes his head. "If you have what I got then I'm taking you to the medical center." There's no reason to hide _that_ completely. They don't need to stay on the run from Vader, or keep their Force connection shut down. "I can train around the house. That tree I took down last week still needs to be cut into logs, and there are some repairs I wanted to make to those old flower beds so you can start planting." He touches her cheek. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

She appreciates his tenderness and concern, and she smiles up at him, lying in their bed. "Really, I'm fine. It was just the smell of the food. I don't even feel sick anymore." But she is tired, more tired than makes sense to her considering how well she's been sleeping. "I don't need to go to the medical center." She gets up, pushing Luke playfully towards the door. "Really. Just go, I'll be fine. I was hoping to have some time to myself today."

He can tell she's serious and so he agrees, but first says, "I'll be checking in on you constantly." He taps his temple. "You call for me the moment you feel something's wrong." He heads out, but instead of his usual circuit, he keeps closer to the house, just in case. Along the way, he ends up gathering some wildflowers for her. 

It takes Leia a little while to be sure this is what she wants to do, but after Luke is gone for an hour or two, she takes their landspeeder into town and goes to the clinic there set up for tourists, which is casual, runs without appointments, and doesn't ask too many questions. She gets all the information she needs and drives home in a fog of conflicting emotions.

She considers contacting Luke to ask him to come home, but instead she makes him dinner and manages to not recoil from the smell. She can't imagine why she's so nervous. They share everything. They already have shared this, he just doesn't know yet.

But... it's so complicated. There couldn't just be happiness here, could there? This isn't like it is with other couples.

Even if it weren't for the way Leia's acting and her inconsistent Force contact across the course of the day, Leia thinks Luke would probably know something was wrong just by the fact that she has dinner on the table when he gets home. She never does that.

Although worried, Luke let Leia rest alone, knowing that she can be quite independent and that sometimes his love can be a little overbearing. Still, he returns a little earlier than usual, his bouquet having grown rather large without his realizing. He takes his shoes off in the hall, then stops when he smells... food? "Leia?"

For a moment he's terrified they have company, but a quick mind search through the house tells him it's only Leia. "You made dinner?" He peeks into the kitchen and finds her there with food cooked. Her face is smiling, but immediately he knows something is wrong. The flowers forgotten in his hands, he crosses to her quickly. "What is it?"

"Nothing!" Leia says, too fast. But she knows Luke isn't going to be fooled. This is Luke. "You're probably better off sitting down."

Luke sets the flowers aside and quickly pulls up a chair. Had someone found them? It can't be too horrible if she's not panicked, but her face... "Tell me."

She draws a very deep breath and takes a printout of test results out of her pocket, unfolds it and studies it as it sits on the table in front of her. "I'm pregnant," she whispers reluctantly, not looking up at him.

Luke's eyes widen. He stares at the printout, not really seeing it at all, then looks back at her. Then he breaks into the biggest smile he's ever hand, his eyes just as big. "Pregnant!" And then, immediately, he senses all her fear and reluctance and apprehension. For one blissful moment he thinks it's because it's too soon and she doesn't want to have a child without easy access to medical facilities or good schools or-- 

Reality comes crashing down around him.

His heart is still pounding, but for a different reason now. Love of his life, wife or not, she is still his _sister_.

He looks at her again, conflicting emotions warring inside him. "But... _how_?" He knows the mechanics of it, but surely if she was able to get pregnant, she would've done so long before now.

It absolutely breaks Leia's heart that he's so happy for a moment, only to have it fade. "I don't know! Nothing's changed. I've always been so careful." She shakes her head. "I don't know what happened." She smooths the printout again. She's been folding and unfolding it all afternoon. "But... he's _fine_ ," she adds, running her eyes over the test details she's already memorized. "He's completely healthy. I... suspected for a couple weeks, but... I didn't want to say anything to you until I had all the facts, so this afternoon I went to the clinic and I had them test for... _everything_. Any genetic defects, inherited diseases, anything that could happen because we're.... But, Luke... he's fine. He's even measuring big for my conception date, so... that's a really good sign." She waits for him to react. How are they supposed to interpret this "good sign," knowing what they know?

"' _He_ '?" Luke repeats. That's all he hears at first. _I'm going to have a son._ Then his brain replays what she's said, and all of it sounds better and better. "So he's a he?" He gets off the chair and goes to her, kneeling to touch her stomach. He looks up at her, studying her face closely. The path forward is obvious to him, but he can tell she's not with him. "We're going to have a _son_ , Leia."

Leia didn't realize she was capable of loving Luke any more than she already does--but with his hand on her stomach, staring up at her, so happy.... And he brought her flowers today, and he didn't even know. How could one person be so wonderful? She'd half expected him to be afraid, to insist that they shouldn't keep the pregnancy, but she now realizes that had been a part of herself, not him.

Her initial reaction had been to tell herself that she couldn't have him, that it was wrong, that she'd be damning not only herself and Luke but another, new soul as well, and she didn't want to make things any worse. But when she learned how healthy the baby is, she couldn't help but be relieved, and happy, and she decided that it didn't matter how this baby came to be--it's her baby. This is a baby made from true love, a baby continuing the line of the Jedi, a baby continuing the royal line of Alderaan.

The war's over. She wants a family.

"You want him?" she asks, smiling down at Luke. "I know we never talked about it... I wasn't sure."

Luke knows what she's really asking. He knows the complicated moral issues surrounding all of it. But he's past them now. When he decided to return from the edge of the galaxy to ask Leia to run away with him, he accepted it all. The good and the bad. The dark and the light. "There's only one thing I've ever wanted more," he says, with complete conviction, "And that's his mother." He stretches up to kiss her.

She meets his lips, and it's possibly the most deliberate, loving kiss they've ever shared. She puts both her hands over his on her stomach. She's still apprehensive, scared, but it's slowly transmuting into happiness, little by little, a winter-long snow bank melting in Alderaan's first spring sunshine. "I want him, too," she says, smiling. "You're going to be a really good father." She knows it's important to him, after being raised not knowing his own father. She draws him in for another kiss, and she opens their Force connection fully, now that she has no more misgivings. The nagging clue to the baby's presence seems more obvious now that she knows what it is, and she guides Luke's mind to it as they kiss. "I think that's him," she says softly, nuzzling him. "Do you feel it? I've been feeling it since our wedding night."

"I feel it. Him." He closes his eyes, exploring with Leia and touching the new mind growing inside hers. It's still just a feeling, a presence, but it's wholly not just Leia. It's not Luke, either. It's _them_. It's the ultimate proof of their love for each other. The culmination of their feelings. It's their child. Perhaps if he'd been asked, Luke would've waited a few years before embarking on this new adventure, but now that it's been unexpectedly thrust upon them, he can't be happier or more in love. For once, perhaps, the Force is giving back to them all that it had stolen from their youths.  
\--

"Can I come with you today?" Leia asks in bed the next morning. The daylight usually wakes them up, and they're never in a rush to get anywhere, so bed in the morning is a good time to talk, make love, and just relax together.

Sleepily, Luke rolls onto his side and slips an arm around his wife. "Of course," he says, then rubs his hand over her still-flat stomach. "So long as you don't over exert yourself..."

She's blushing. Since when did she blush?

She feels herself blush deeper when she realizes that maybe what she's actually doing is _glowing_.

"I'll be fine," she says, smiling down at her husband's hand. He's known she's pregnant for all of twelve hours and he's already so attentive to her stomach, and she thinks it's adorable. "I really want to work on my connection to the Force because I think it will help when he's born." She turns over so she can face him, fixes his sleep-tossed hair like she does most mornings. Sleepy, happy Luke is her favorite Luke. "I never told you, but the first time we were here, I had a vision that I was in labor. You were there helping me."

That makes him blink more fully awake. He hadn't quite considered how they'd go about delivering the baby. "Of course I'll help... And with the Force it should be much easier, but." He props himself up on his elbow. "We should probably have a doctor or someone here too. Just in case. Or even go into town..." He knows they're both a little afraid of being recognized, and what being recognized--especially recognized while delivering a baby with only Luke around--would mean for their future, but her health, and their son's health, are far more important.

She nods. "As much as I think it would be romantic and beautiful for it to be just the two of us, I completely agree." She kisses him quickly, to encourage him. "Don't be nervous. The baby and I are both in great shape--we'll be fine."

Luke is fairly certain that there's nothing in the universe that would stop him from protecting Leia and their son's life via the Force if something were to threaten them. He's not quite sure how, but he can feel it deep inside him. He would tear the galaxy apart to do it, if he had to. But he keeps that dark thought buried inside him. Leia's fine. Their baby is fine. There won't be any need for such theatrics. "We've got time to figure everything out." He kisses her again, then starts to sit up, stretching. He thought life might get boring living out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do, but there's always something. "Let's go for a jog," he suggests. "Then we can tackle your garden."

Leia bites her lip watching him stretch in the morning light. "You sure you don't want to stay in bed for awhile first?" she asks, half-joking, but not joking. She runs her fingers down one of his toned arms in appreciation.

Some small part of Luke had worried that because Leia now knew she was pregnant she might not want to be as intimate anymore. It's something of a relief to know she's doesn't feel that way. He bends to kiss her, aware now what her sickness and discomforts from before were. Not a virus, but pregnancy. "You're not too sore?" he asks, sliding his hand under the sheets to ghost his palm over her nipples.

Leia draws a breath in sharply when Luke touches her. "No, just... be really gentle with those. Nothing else is sore...." She pushes him over and pins him, straddling his hips with her hands on his wrists. "I'm pregnant, not fragile," she laughs, bending over, biting his neck. "Don't forget, I saved your skin on the Death Star," she breathes into his ear.

Letting out an appreciative groan, Luke stretches his neck up to try and kiss her while she has him lightly pinned. "Which time?" he says playfully. But then, she doesn't really know how she saved him the second time. They've never discussed what happened when their father died. In a way, it's incredible they can joke about any of it at all. He grips her hips and, even pinned down, moves her into place, sighing when she so easily accepts him into her body. "I was worried you wouldn't want to for a while," he says, rolling his hips.

Leia smiles through a moan. "How could I not?" Her awareness is full of Luke, even more so than her body is, and she marvels at how easy this is with him. She's always wet and open when he's hard, always; their psychic union is easier to cope with now, likely through practice. "When we made the baby," she says, moving against him, in time with his hips, "I felt... it was like everything about you was just...." She moans again, sitting up taller, watching the desire and love in those bright blue eyes. "You just filled me in a way you never had before, and I felt like my soul was meeting yours at the same time. I'd never felt anything like it--now I know why." She leans over and kisses him. "I love you. I want to show you how much. I want you to show me. Show me, Luke."

Luke tangles his hands in her waterfall of chestnut hair, kissing her hungrily, his sleepy body coming completely alive at her impassioned words. He lifts his knees slightly to put his feet flat on the bed so he can work his hips more forcefully, rolling them in time with her own motions. And the Force connection between them, which had ebbed somewhat after the start of Leia's pregnancy as though satiated at last, flares up again between them, burning hot and bright like before.

When they come, they come hard, shouting each others names in unison, grabbing each other and holding their bodies close in desperation as they lose the last bit of their illusion of separateness. She feels Luke pulsing helplessly yet forcefully into her, and she also feels herself from Luke's perspective, convulsing around him as she collapses in his arms, moaning his name again. He already knows exactly what she wants, and as the orgasm ebbs, he runs his fingers lightly over her back, just as she would have asked him to. She lets out one final, satisfied, "Oh," resting her head in the crook of his neck.

Luke wraps his strong arms around her, pulling her flat against him and just holding in her place, between his legs. He stares up at the ceiling, golden-white from the morning sun, and just basks in the warmth and the glow and the love. The feeling of holding his wife in his arms, pregnant with their child, and having nothing in particular to do. They could lie there all day, enjoying each other's company. Perhaps the rest of the galaxy is wondering where they are, but it just doesn't matter to him anymore. This little bubble of paradise they created together is all that matters. "I love you," he murmurs into her ear. He knows he doesn't need to say it, but he never gets tired of being able to.

Leia touches their son's presence. She does it all the time now, almost like she's reassuring herself he's still there, though she isn't worried at all. He's as tough as she and Luke are. She just likes to know he's there, and to remind herself that she has proof of Luke's love growing inside her now, all the time. She wishes they could be open about it, that she could be publicly pregnant, her changing body a source of wonder for the whole galaxy instead of just her and Luke, because she's that happy about it, that proud of it. It's the only regret she has, and it doesn't come close to actually putting a damper on her morning. "I love you, too," she says. She kisses his ear. "Jog then breakfast?"

"Mmmm." Luke makes a groggy morning groan that's halfway to a yawn, then nods. "Jog, then breakfast." He rolls her over onto her side and slips out, bending to kiss her once more. He looks down at her for a few seconds, not saying anything, just drinking in the sight of her slightly flushed from sex, slightly rumpled from sleep, and staring back up at him just as adoringly. Then he pulls himself out of bed, stretches luxuriously, and pads over to find some clothes to pull on. 

It's a simple, easy life. The good life.

Leia can't believe how happy she is. She gets dressed, wearing practical clothes for running in the jungle, very unlike her usual flowing dresses, glad she doesn't have to be ready for action all the time anymore. Her activity is all voluntary. Everything is voluntary. She's so grateful that Luke saw the possibility for this future as she had and came back for her; that their dreams coincided.

They stretch together, then run a couple miles. Leia's not as much of a runner as he is, not having trained as hard, but she can keep pace with him for a good stretch. He insists on not pushing her, and she reflects that he's probably right. The medics at the clinic told her that she's fine to keep up her normal level of activity, but shouldn't work harder than she's used to. They catch their breath--or Leia does, since two miles isn't enough to wind Jedi Luke Skywalker these days--by a spring and drink its water, then fall playfully into the grass beside it together, laughing and kissing. They decide to lie there where it's cool until Leia feels rested enough to jog back.

"How many do you want?" she asks, smiling, her hand resting on her flat stomach with Luke's again. She feels the Force is on their side, that any child they made together would be strong and beautiful.

Luke relaxes beside her, listening to the jungle singing around them, the water babbling, the wind blowing. He glances at her, then at her hand. Playfully, he says, "How many can you have?" 

She smiles and squeezes his hand. "I don't know. Ask me again in seven months," she jokes.

Luke stares up at the sky through the canopy of trees. "Three." More than one, definitely. Growing up as an only-child isn't terrible, but he'd rather have a big family than a small one. With three, no one would ever be lonely. "Maybe more..." He glances at her, judging her reaction. She'd be doing all the work, after all.

"Two or three.." she echoes. "Maybe more. Maybe a _lot_ more." She laughs. She's not sure how many a lot more is, and it sounds like she thinks the supply is endless. "I guess I think the more we have... the more of a home it will be. Wherever it is. But even if it's just this one for whatever reason, I'll still be so happy."

"Me too." They're orphans, the two of them. There are no aunts or uncles anymore, no distant cousins, no grandparents. It's just the two of them, alone in the universe. Luke craves a family, and he knows Leia does, too. He craves a family that can never be taken away from him, that will live beyond him and survive in the galaxy that he and Leia sacrificed so much to help save. He rubs his fingers over her belly. "Have you thought of any names yet?"

"Ben," Leia replies without hesitation. She had the name picked out before she was pregnant, even though she thought she'd probably never get to use it. "His name's Ben." She almost sees him for a moment, years in the future; it's a flash of a soft-focus impression, and all she really sees is a mess of wavy brown hair. "If that's okay with you," she adds, coming back to herself. "Ben did bring you to me."

Luke's smile rivals the sun overhead. "Ben." As upset as he's been with Obi-Wan Kenobi and his half-truths over the years, he loves the old man. He put his anger at him to rest long ago. "It's perfect." He sits up to look down at her. "Ben Skywalker." He tilts his head. "Ben Organa?"

"As much as I like the idea of continuing the Organa name, I think Ben Skywalker sounds better. Besides... technically, it's sort of my name, too. For a couple reasons. Even though I'd never change it." She sits up to kiss Luke. "I'm only nine weeks pregnant and we've known a day and we've already named him." She looks at his hand again, which is still rubbing her belly. "What are you going to do when I actually start showing? When he starts kicking? You're never going to be able to take your hands off me!" She laughs fondly, teasing him, her heart almost aching with love.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Luke grins wolfishly and kisses her again. "I just... sometimes I still can't believe it. That we're here. That you agreed... That you're carrying my child... Ben." He shakes his head in wonder. "Leia... _ten_ weeks ago I thought it would be better to die than to continue feeling the way I did. Now I'm married to the love of my life and about to become a _father_..."

His happiness and awe are contagious, and Leia takes his face in her hands and kisses him in celebration. "Ten weeks ago I didn't have any hope, either. You _are_ my hope, Luke." She kisses him again, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Luke basks in her warmth and love for a few moments, forehead to forehead, memorizing the moment just in case something terrible were to befall them. He will always have this moment with her. With _them_. "And you're mine. Both of you." He puts his hand back on her stomach, though more playfully this time.

Leia laughs, pushing him away and standing. "Come on, let's go back. It's getting late and we need to eat."

They jog most of the way back, walk to cool down, then take a leisurely shower together. It's getting close to noon when Luke finally starts breakfast, and the second Leia can smell it, she's sick again, as she has been almost every day lately. "I'm okay," she insists, coming out of the bathroom, having thrown up the little in her stomach, and not feeling much better. "Really. It's just morning sickness. I think I'm going to need to stick to toast for breakfast for awhile." She crawls into their bed.

Feeling terribly guilty for the way he's made Leia feel, Luke makes her toast and tea and brings them to her in bed. He sits on the edge and strokes her hair. "Anything I can do to help?"

"You're already doing it," Leia says, smiling tiredly at him. She didn't even need to ask, not even through the Force, for him to take care of her. He just does it naturally. "And don't feel guilty. It's at least as much my fault as it is yours." She grins slyly. "But maybe there is something else. I don't know. Do you think we can use the Force to help? Can it be used to treat symptoms like this?" She knows it can help heal injuries, but this is certainly different.

Luke grins. "I've never had a pregnant wife to try such a thing on before. It's a good idea." He contemplates how to go about it. For someone else he'd never consider it, but with Leia... He crawls into bed and gets behind her, propping his back up on the headboard with her nestled between his arms and legs, her back to his chest. Closing his eyes, he splays his fingers out and lightly touches them to her temples. There's no specific way of doing any of it. He just feels her through the Force. He feels her energy, finds the source of the discomfort, and focuses on smoothing out the knots.

Leia sighs into his embrace. He's incredible--it's already helping. It feels like an energetic massage, and as soon as Leia feels fixed, she reaches into Luke the same way. He's feeling fine, she just does it for intimacy. She remembers when he left Endor, how they had exchanged pieces of their souls out of fear of their impending separation, how every piece she gave him left wounds inside of her that didn't heal until they were back together. That was destructive, born of their fear. This is similar, but the differing intentions make the practice and the result completely different. There are no sharp edges, no empty spaces. They're just sharing each other to care for each other.

Leia takes Luke's hands, laces their fingers together, and turns in his arms, her legs balled up and her ear against his chest. He holds her like that for awhile, their energetic touching falling slowly away like a dream during gentle waking. "You're amazing," she says at last.

With Leia, it's so easy for him to fall into sync with what she wants and needs. Her desires are often completely echoed in his own, and he finds the same is true for her. She often has ready what he wants before he's even fully finished wanting it. It's nice to know the reverse is true. He strokes her hair, planting little kisses on the top of her head from time to time. He's not great at taking compliments, so he just smiles and gives her another kiss. "It helped, then?"

"Mm-hmm," she says contentedly. "I feel fine now. A little sleepy."

"Perfect time of day for a nap," he murmurs into her hair. Unable to reach the covers with her curled up in him, he just raises his hand and uses the Force to bring the blankets up around them.


	13. Chapter 13

By the time she hits fourteen weeks, Leia's morning sickness is gone for good, no more Force healing required. She and Luke have been running every other day or so, and she's noticed that the waist on her workout pants has been getting incrementally tighter, until one morning she can't really get them closed. She laughs, self-conscious but elated, smoothing her tank top over her stomach as she looks in the mirror. She'd always been so slender before. Luke looks at her questioningly. "I know I'm not actually showing yet, but...." She smiles, shaking her head. "Look." She shows him the problem.

Luke takes the opportunity to put his hand on her belly, grinning because he knows how silly he's being. "I guess we're going to need to go shopping soon otherwise you'll just be in dresses until you burst." They don't have much money, just what Luke had on him already when they left together and what they managed to get from selling his ship, and most of it went into buying the house. Still, if they end up having three kids, some maternity clothes would actually be pretty wise investments. 

"Burst?" She laughs again. Leia's so in love with him, with their son, with their happiness, this house, this life. Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, against all odds, married and settled into a peaceful, rural existence. Talking about things like maternity clothes. She can still hardly believe it. It seems so silly, so mundane, but it's everything she wants.

She looks down at her belly again, then shrugs helplessly and takes the pants off. A pair of Luke's fatigues just barely close over her stomach, and they're otherwise too big, but they'll work--with the legs rolled up--until they can make it into town. "Let's get some work done before it gets too hot."

"Do you want to start planting today?" she asks Luke, after kissing him, then leading him outside. Not only are they settled down, expecting a baby, but they're actually going to _farm_ this little piece of land. She wonders what their teenage selves would think of them now. Probably that they'd lost their minds.

"Yeah!" He's excited suddenly to show her. Leia's already planted flowers in the flower beds he'd fixed up last month, but over the last few weeks he's been clearing land to create some small fields. It wouldn't produce a ton of food, but for the two--eventually three--of them it would supplement their lifestyle nicely. "There's an irrigation ditch over here," he explains, showing her how he'd dug around the field, and placed some rocks as markers. "It's so different than on Tatooine... we used to farm the moisture from the sky it was so dry. Here it rains so much I've got to make sure my crops don't drown." He looks at her, beaming. "I figure we can put the vegetables here, and there," he gestures with his hand. "And up on that hill, I made some space for fruit trees."

His enthusiasm is almost childlike, and Leia could listen to him talk all day about anything he's this excited about. She nods. She knows nothing about farming, but if he takes the lead, she's happy to put in the work. She imagines Ben playing in the fields, in the orchard, in the jungle. He'll have such a good childhood surrounded by nature, watching his food grow, learning about the Force while he interacts with the life that creates it. "That all sounds perfect."

Luke hands her a couple of tools and they take turns digging and planting the saplings Luke has been cultivated for a few weeks. Artoo trundles by a little later with a pitcher of water and glasses, which they take a break to indulge. It's hard work, and they're both sweating by the time the first field is finished, but the end result is beautiful--all the leafy green saplings lined up in a row.

The sun on his back, the light in his eyes, Luke just beams. It feels so good to get his hands dirty, to plant _life_ , and to do it all with his wife. He gives her a big hug once they've finished the first field, and quietly sends her a little Force massage when he does, just to help keep her refreshed. "Think you're up for tackling the second one today?"

It's getting late, and it's hot and humid, and as much as Leia is reluctant to admit it, she gets worn out more easily now. Besides, she doubts they have enough daylight left to plant the second field. She tucks a strand of hair back into her lose braid, aware of the fact that she just smeared dirt on her face. "I need to call it a day, I think. Can it wait?"

"Of course." He steps close to wipe the dirt off her face, before giving her a kiss. "Go on in and get the bath ready. I'll just clean up out here." 

He's only half way through putting the tools away when he stops, straightens up and looks at the sky. 

A sensation of dread courses through him, and he finishes up somewhat sloppily before hurrying back inside to check on Leia. He can tell immediately that she hasn't noticed, but his face says something's wrong.

"What?" Leia says, sensing his panic. She's sitting naked on the edge of the tub as it fills, hair down, perfectly relaxed... then, suddenly, she feels like Vader's after them, and all her deeply ingrained habits from the war come back. She stands up, shuts off the water and goes to Luke standing in the doorway, putting her hands on his forearms. "What, what is it?"

Then she senses it, too, only because she'd already started searching the Force for something that could have set Luke off. 

_Han._

Han found them. She's not worried about seeing Han--he himself isn't a bad sign. It's all he could bring with him, and almost certainly is. Their old lives. People who know Luke's her brother. People who know Vader's their father. People who want to put the weight of the galaxy on both of their shoulders, to make them responsible for everything instead of just this land, just this small, happy family.

"No," she whispers, shaking her head. "No, he can't--"

"It's just Han," Luke forces himself to say. "Han and Chewie." He can feel them both. There's no one else. His immediate instinct is still to run; to protect his family. But it's _Han_. If it were anyone else, he'd already be heading into town, but with Han... They'd played him dirty, disappearing on him in the middle of the night. If anyone was owed an explanation, it was him.

Still, his nerves are on edge. "Finish your bath, they won't be here for another hour at least." He opts for a quick shower himself though, and when he dresses again in his creams and ivories, he does something he hasn't done since arriving--he clips his lightsaber onto his belt.

Leia knows that Luke's acting more comfortable with the situation than he feels, but she's happier having him faking his way through this than she'd be if he was visibly upset. She tries to be calm as she bathes, washes and braids her hair, and gets dressed. She wears the dress she'd worn to run away with Luke because it's uncomplicated--besides, it's probably the loosest thing she owns, just a flowing mist of black silk, and she's suddenly very aware of her slightly increased weight. If Han finds out she's pregnant, she wants it to be because she tells him, not because he makes a lucky guess about what the weight means.

She goes into the living room to find Luke sitting on the couch, dressed in belt and boots and a real tunic and everything, the one he wore at their wedding. He's been shirtless most of the time they've been there, and Leia feels stifled by the unaccustomed formality she would not have considered a formality before their new life. She's put her hair up, but she refuses to put shoes on to be in her own house.

Is that his _lightsaber_ on his belt?

She almost asks, "Are you planning on using that?" But she knows he's just nervous, and she lets it go. She crosses the room and sits beside her husband, putting her hand on his knee. She doesn't say anything, just waits.

She's not sure if Luke's said anything to Artoo, but the droid is pacing--as much as something with wheels can pace--around the house. He might just see their own nervousness.

She squeezes Luke's knee when she hears a speeder off in the distance.

Sliding his hand over Leia's, Luke tries to contain his anger. It's not Han he's angry with, though. It's himself. They hid from _Darth Vader_ on this planet. It fooled him into a false sense of security, as though they couldn't possibly be traced. What foolishness. He should've prepared. There should have been a contingency plan for what they'd do if they were discovered. He thinks he can trust Han; that Han will at least accept them even if he doesn't understand, but there's no guarantee. There's no telling what Han will say or to who when he returns. 

The sanctity of their paradise has been compromised, and it only took three months. Even after Han's gone, the place will be tainted. It will no longer feel safe. Luke's not opposed to moving to keep his family safe, but it's also not the future he's envisioned. Ben's supposed to play in the orchard he just planted. 

He's angry at himself for not having been more careful. Angry that he didn't have a pack and an escape vehicle ready to go at a moment's notice. Angry that the paradise he's crafted with Leia is about to come crashing down.

"We could run," he quietly says, almost to himself, but not quite a whisper. "We don't have to be here when they arrive." He knows Leia will stay, though. She still loves Han; he's come to terms with that. But he wants to give her the option.

Leia rests her head on Luke's shoulder, her mind keeping watchful contact on the baby's presence, even though there's no threat to him. This is the closest she can come to holding his hand right now. He must sense her and Luke's fear, but he's not developed enough for her to reassure him, so she just reassures herself that he's okay.

"I can't," Leia says. "I can't do what we did before." It's not because of Ben, and it's not because of Han, either. It's because she refuses to give up this place that easily. She refuses to simply abandon her dreams. She'd rather stubbornly dig her heels in. Maybe Han will let them be. Maybe he just wants to know they're okay. He loves them.

"I love you," Leia says. She feels like she might not get another chance, which is absurd. There will always be another chance. She kisses Luke's cheek. "I love you, and I'm glad we did all this. The wedding, the house, the crops, the baby. I'm happy."

"Me too," Luke says, because to say anything more would betray the fear in his heart. He can feel it in Leia too; the tingling sensation that things might go poorly. He hears the speeder coming closer and takes a deep breath. It's just Han, he reminds himself, but he feels himself tensing as though he's about to go into battle. He turns quickly, to look at Leia and kisses her, putting a tender hand on her cheek. Foreheads pressed together, he says, "I won't let anything happen to us."

Then, steeling himself, he stands up, letting his fingers slip away from Leia's only at the last possible moment. Han's here, and Luke is going to greet him.

Leia follows him, arms crossed over her chest because otherwise she'll want to put her hands on her belly and she can't do that. A rental speeder is parked in front of their house, and Han Solo, smiling-- _smiling_!--is getting out of it, calling to Chewie, "They're here! I told ya." She watches him go to Luke and give him a casual hug, and she's both relieved and aggravated that he can just be so friendly and happy and not grasp the gravity of all this--then, she knows him, and she knows that he's actually happy to see them, and that he's going to leave gravity until he has them where he wants them. He's a gambler. He knows what he's doing.

She meets his gaze and his hazel eyes flash, betraying his feelings for her, his feelings about her leaving in the middle of the night, for just an instant. "Hey, sweetheart," he says, and she's frustrated that he's here, that he's pretending everything is okay. But she also knows for sure in that moment that she still loves him. It's not like it is with Luke. It never has been and it never will be. But she does, and she feels guilty for not even leaving him a note to explain. At the time, all she'd been able to think was becoming one with Luke in all ways possible. Now she and Luke are one, will always be one, and she feels that she behaved too rashly, though hurting Han is the only regret she has about it.

"Hi," she says, and accepts his hug, though leaning her midsection slightly away, when his long legs take him up the front porch steps two at a time.

"Nice place," Han notes as he enters. 

Chewbacca, following close behind, stops and gives Luke a chastising rumble before wrapping his arms around his friend.

Some of Luke's ire fades as he's gripped in a hairy embrace. Somehow it's Chewie that makes him feel guilty more so than Han. "Sorry you got dragged into all this," he says, before following the others back inside.

Inside, it's brighter than Luke would like. Somehow, all the lights are on, and he starts turning them down in an attempt to create a softer atmosphere. He's still on edge and doesn't know if he should be near Leia or not.

Ultimately, his need to protect her-- _them_ \--comes into play and he goes to stand by her, reaching out to take her hand. "You can blame me," Luke says. "It was my idea."

"I'm not here to blame anyone," Han says, putting his hands up. 

"How'd you find us?" Leia asks lowly, squeezing Luke's hand.

He raises his eyebrows. "You don't remember tellin' me about this place? Your cottage in the jungle on Ylesia? Your _honeymoon_? Happiest you've ever been?"

Leia feels herself blush. "I didn't think you were listening. Not that closely, anyway."

He looks a little hurt. "I listen to you, babe." He doesn't seem to think there's a reason he shouldn't call her pet names. It's as if, as far as his vocabulary is concerned, the past three months haven't happened. "Anyway, this ain't the first place we checked, just the first place we found you." He sits down on their couch without being offered.

"What are you doing here, Han?" Leia asks, squeezing Luke's hand again, either to reassure him or herself, she's not sure.

"What am _I_ doing here?" Han retorts, some of the pain he's dealt with over the last three months finally surfacing. "What are _you_ doing here? Both of you, running away in the middle of the night to pitch up camp like a pair of holovid drama stars. You've got the whole galaxy in an uproar and you're here playing house." He pauses, staring at them as if waiting for something. When it doesn't come, he then glances at Chewie, his eyes widening slightly with realization. "They don't know." 

He looks back to Leia. "You don't know, do you? I could guess what happened. Luke disappeared about the same time; I know your history; I can put two-and-two together. It wasn't nice, but all right. You two needed some time alone to work things out. I knew that. All right. No problem. I figured I'd get a message in a week or two, once you were ready. I tell some lies to cover for you. You're sick, you're out, you're traveling with Luke... Two _months_ pass, no sign of you. Not a single word to anyone. People can see through my lies. Panic starts to set in, and you know who shows up to explain what's happened to General Organa and Jedi Master Luke Skywalker?

"The Empire, that's who. Oh, calm down, kid," Han chides as Luke reaches for his lightsaber. "Imperial sympathists, I mean. Small guys, but they're growing. Suddenly, it doesn't matter anymore where you _really_ are, not when they're taking credit for having kidnapped and tortured you. At first, no one wants to believe the lies they're broadcasting all over the galaxy, but you _still don't come back_. People start to doubt. _I_ start to doubt. What if I was wrong? What if you really _were_ kidnapped? Is that really so much harder to believe than that you'd disappear on me in the middle of the night without so much as a note?" He catches himself, having gotten more worked up than either have ever seen him. "And here you are." He tilts his head, smiling, the hurt in his voice from moments ago completely gone now. "Safe and sound, blissfully oblivious."

Leia swallows, realizing how much she had feared this all along, how afraid she was that her selfishness would come back to bite her, that--worse--someone else would hurt for it. A lot of someones. She and Luke may be each others' hopes, but they are also symbols of hope to the whole galaxy. If a group of Imperial wannabes are claiming credit for their disappearance, if people actually believe them, then she and Luke being in hiding could effectively undo a great deal of the progress the Alliance, the fledgling New Republic, had made before they left. What Luke and she had fought and sacrificed for for years.

The day she ran away with Luke, she wouldn't have cared, but she'd been in a complete frenzy then. Now, with Luke by her side every day, with her desperate need to have him _close_ satisfied on a daily basis, with their bodies and souls joined inside her womb... now she can think clearly again. Now she can see.

Besides, Han would have just let them go if it was about him. It's not about him, it's about the war.

The war.

The war is never going to be over, is it?

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you," Leia says, letting Luke's hand slide out of hers. She's a little self-conscious of Chewie standing right there, but he won't tell anyone. He's part of this dysfunctional little family, too, after all. "I should have let you know I was okay at least--that Luke and I were okay. We just...." She shakes her head, sitting beside Han. "You saw how I was before I left. I couldn't function."

"Yeah, I know. Even if I didn't know Luke was missing, too, I still woulda been able to figure out where you went. Like I said, that doesn't matter. I get it; I've always got it. What happened to you two wasn't fair and it makes me almost as mad as it makes you. I woulda supported you being together if you'd talked to me. Woulda been a lot easier to cover up than _this_ mess."

If Luke hadn't been so out of his mind with depression and desire, he would've gone another course of action, but now it's too late. Now Leia's his wife, and she's pregnant. Feeling suddenly alone now that she's gone to sit next to Han, Luke says, "We can't keep protecting the galaxy. We're just two people. It has to learn to survive on it's own."

Han finally takes his gaze off Leia. "I'm not saying protect the galaxy again. Just... let people know you're all right."

Luke's eyes sadly meet Leia's. He's not going to tell Han if she doesn't want to, but, "... it's complicated."

"Complicated? How? You just make a holovid and say you needed some time to recover from the trauma of blowing up two Death Stars. Maybe do a few interviews. Hell, you could probably even come back here after you finish discrediting that Imperial faction."

"I'm pregnant," Leia says abruptly, still meeting Luke's eyes. Then she sighs heavily, looking meaningfully at Han, waiting for his reaction.

He just stares at her with his mouth hanging open for a minute. " _What_?"

She doesn't repeat herself. She just nods.

"What'd y' mean, _pregnant_?"

Leia takes a deep breath. She is resolute. She's proud of the choice she made, proud of what is happening to her, what she's capable of. She's not going to let him begrudge her that.

Han furrows his brow and looks at Chewie, then Luke, then away. "How long?" he says at last, interlacing his fingers.

"Fourteen weeks. Over three months."

She watches him calculate it in his head, then he nods slowly. That does cut it fairly close. "No chance it's--"

"He's mine and Luke's." She stares at him, daring him to question her.

"All right." Han leans forward, elbows on his thighs, hand on his mouth, suddenly deep in thought, processing. "That does complicate things." He looks over at Leia again, this time down, at her stomach. She doesn't look pregnant completely, but she does look... _different_. "It's not a bad excuse, though. As far as excuses go... Y'know, 'the first couple months are dangerous'. Or, 'we didn't want to announce it until we were sure.' Maybe, even, we were worried someone would target you because of it..." He looks at Luke, then back to Leia. "How many people know? I don't mean the pregnancy, I mean, you know." He gestures. "How many people know he's your brother?"

Leia shakes her head. "Too many." She puts both hands on her stomach. This morning it had seemed so subtle and exciting--she was finally noticing a belly, even if it was just a little one!--but now it feels obvious, dangerous, and it makes her feel even more protective of her son. _Maybe, even, we were worried someone would target you because of it._ That's a valid concern. Target her. Because of her son. She feels slightly faint and puts her face in her hands.

"You know, scandal and gossip aside...." Han smirks uncomfortably. "This being like... the child of Darth Vader's two children... that _will_ make people target you. You know how those New Order or whatever-they're-calling-themselves-these-days jerks are. They don't accept that Vader died a hero or renounced the dark side, they think that's propaganda. That's why they want Luke so bad, because they think he's some kinda... heir of Vader's, and if they don't know about you yet, they'll figure it out."

Leia could scream. How is Darth Vader still ruining her life?

She looks up at Luke, needing him to help.

Luke goes to her. He doesn't have the right words to say, but he touches her, sits on the couch on the other side of her and takes her hand in his. His eyes don't leave her face. "They can't hurt us if they can't find us," he hears himself say. His solution is still to run; to leave the galaxy to its own devices. To protect Leia and Ben at any cost.

"Be reasonable, kid," Han starts.

Luke cuts him off. "I won't let anything happen to them!"

"Neither will I," Han pointedly says. "You're not in this alone. Like it or not, you are Vader's heir. Both of you." He looks at Leia too. Even _he's_ starting to wonder if Vader's children having a child together is really all that wise... inbreeding aside. "You need to show that you're still united against what he stood for. I'm not saying ride in on your X-wing again and start blasting Imperials out of the sky. Just exist where people can sometimes see you."

"Where we can be targeted," Luke says. "If anyone finds out about Ben's true nature--"

Han takes the kid's name in stride. "Then we'll say it's mine. We'll say it's Lando's. We'll say that she got a space boyfriend who got her in a bad way and left her."

"People will suspect. I disappeared at the same time; they'll guess."

"Then let them guess. Speculation never hurt anyone. We'll fudge some DNA reports. No one will be the wiser. Even if he comes out looking like your clone, you two are _twins_. Of course he's going to look like you."

"Stop!" Leia shouts, standing up, whirling around to address both men. "Stop talking across me about _my_ baby. I don't care what you two decide is best for us. I'm raising my son here. I'm not running. I'm not hiding. I'm not going back to the Republic. I'm not making any public statements. I'm not lying about who his father is. I've been safe here and I'm not giving it up--this is the first _home_ I've had since...." She takes a steadying breath. "And I want Ben to have a real childhood. You two can do what you like."

She knows she's being irrational, but she feels righteous and strong, and determined to figure out a way to dig her heels in and stay here. Han can be convinced to leave. She and Luke will plant the second field tomorrow.

Her impulse is to storm off, but... they're both right here, staring up at her, wondering what you're supposed to say to a pregnant princess and general fighting for the well being of her child, in awe of her fire, worried about her, wanting to give her room to be the authoritative and charismatic leader they both fell in love with while trying to decide how to save her from herself.

Luke fills with love again, his troubled heart somewhat soothed by her display. "I'm with Leia," he says, standing up, too. He'd agree to anything she wanted, he knows, but especially to this. To keep this dream of theirs intact.

Han remains seated. He looks to Chewie for help, but the Wookie wisely remains silent. "Leia," he begins, some of his charm turning on. "C'mon, sweetheart. I'm not trying to decide your fate for you. I'm trying to give you some reasonable options. People need your help."

"My son needs me. The most important thing for me to be doing right now is getting ready to be a mother," she says, feeling ridiculous--what a bizarre, old fashioned thing to say. But it's true. If she's going to do this, she's going to do it. "And it's late and I haven't eaten since lunch--and why am I standing around arguing with you about this when I have more important things to do?" She finishes in a rush, storming off after all, grabbing some leftovers from the kitchen and going to eat them alone on the back porch, only to be too upset to eat when she gets there. She knows she's hungry and she wanted to make a big point of taking care of herself for Ben, but now she just wants to cry.

"I'm not letting anything happen to you," she whispers, touching Ben's presence in the Force. "Ever."

He doesn't understand, but maybe her reassurance feels good, anyway.

Luke starts to go after her, but realizes after a moment it won't help. She needs a few moments alone. And maybe he does, too. He looks at Han. "You could stay here, too," he quietly says. "There's enough room." It's not what he wants, but it's closer. 

"Domestic isn't the scene for me," Han says, getting to his feet finally. "Though I'm not leaving just yet." He crosses his arms, finding it somehow strange to talk to Luke now, after all is said and done. What happened to the casual comfort they'd all shared after Tatooine? "You know this place isn't gonna be safe forever."

"I'm not leaving."

Han sighs. "You two are the most stubborn...." He shakes his head. "What a mess."

"Only from your perspective. I've never been happier."

"That's great for you, kid. But you know what? You two feed each other's insanity. You know that, right?" Han continues, putting his hands on his hips. "You're too much alike and you both think because the other agrees with you it means you're right. But you're both reckless and you let your hearts run away with your heads. You're calling the kid Ben? All right, I want you to think about what's best for Ben. Personally, I don't think it's you two being so obsessed with each other that you can't function outside of this world that you created for yourselves. Especially if someone figures out where you are and that you have a kid."

Luke doesn't want to feel like Han's making sense. "Believe me, once you're gone, we'll make a contingency plan if we get found out. Several." He looks in the direction Leia's gone, worried about her even though he can feel her better than if he was standing next to her and knows she's... okay isn't the word, but she doesn't immediately need him. He looks back at Han, feeling more protective. "She lost her whole family, Han. Adopted and real. Her whole _planet_. I've lost everyone I've ever been close to, too. I'm responsible for my father's death, and it almost killed me. I'm not losing this." He gestures to the living room they're standing in. "For once in my life, I feel like I finally belong somewhere. Like I finally matter to someone. Let them say they've turned me or killed me. I don't care. I saved the galaxy twice. I'm done. I'm saving me, this time. I'm saving _us_."

Han's moved by his speech, but he hasn't changed his mind. "Kid... I'm sorry. Really. You deserve better. And she sure deserves better. But that's not how this works. I mean, what do you think you're gonna do if someone finds you? Face down the whole Empire with a laser sword?"

"If I must." Luke stares Han down. "What are we supposed to do if we go back? We can't live the way we want to. We can't stop the Empire from rebuilding. If the New Republic falls apart because Leia and I disappeared, then there wasn't much holding it together in the first place."

Han frowns. "What the hell happened to you, Luke?" He takes a couple steps towards him. "That the kind of person you want your son to see when he looks at you?"

Luke doesn't back down. "You know _exactly_ what happened to me. I fell in love with a woman that turned out to be my sister. I fought in a war against a dark lord that turned out to be my father. I gave _everything_ to the Rebellion. You know the kind of father I want Ben to have? A father who's _there_. Who prioritizes family over strangers. Don't think I'm not sympathetic. If Leia and I could live openly together, raise our family in the public eye, I'm sure we would. Sadly, that's not the way this gets to unfold."

"All right. Fine. Live in fear every damn day that someone's gonna find you, instead of doing something about the people who are keeping you from being safe. Hide. Let the Empire come back. See how happy it makes you knowing that Ben's not really free and that you coulda done something about it." Chewbacca grunts something chiding, and Han snaps. "You stay out of this."

They're not getting anywhere and Luke knows it. "I don't want to fight with you, Han. I wish I could make you understand." He feels lost without Leia, and some part of him realizes how irrational that is and how it somewhat feeds into what Han's saying, but he ignores it. "I'm going to go check on her. Make yourselves comfortable."

Leia's relieved when she senses Luke coming after her. The closer he is, the better she feels. She's balled up in the chair, her heels resting in the seat, her knees leaning over onto an arm rest, her arms crossed as if she's cold, even though it's a warm night, as usual. She looks up expectantly when the back door opens. "I could hear half of that," she informs him with a sigh.

He feels better almost as soon as he sees her. He goes to her quickly and sits on the armrest so he can touch her hair. He doesn't know what to say. For once, he's at a loss for words. There's no clear course of action. "I'm with you all the way," he simply says. "Whatever you decide."

She leans over and rests her cheek on his thigh. "We're staying here. We'll figure it out. You can take my hair down, if you want."

Luke casually begins unbraiding her hair, feeling himself relax even as he does. His mind is still playing over the things Han's said to him, and he's trying to think how he will protect his family if they stay here. He finishes unbraiding and runs his fingers through her hair. "If we did go back," Luke says, quietly enough that he doesn't think his voice would carry to Han, "we could just go long enough to say we're alive and we're retired."

Leia nods, enjoying their ritual of Luke playing with her hair. "Say that we ask that the galaxy respects our privacy...." She runs a hand over her stomach. "What if someone finds out about this?"

"I'd be proud to tell the truth," Luke says, "no matter who ends up knowing our parentage. Maybe not as many people know as we think." He kisses the top of her head. "Or... you could say it's Han's, I suppose, like he said. Or some space pirate." He smiles softly. "Just for the short time we're there."

"If we do it soon, we can still hide it." But even as she starts planning it out in her head, she feels exhausted and heartbroken. "Luke... I'm tired and hungry and upset. I can't decide this now."

Luke's heart aches just as hers does, an echo or perhaps she's actually feeling his ache at her starting to agree to it. He sees her leftovers untouched not far away. "Can I make you something to eat? We'll sleep on it. We don't have to decide anything tonight."

She smiles, her eyes glassing over with tears as she looks up at her husband. _He's my husband_ , she repeats to herself. That will always be true. She can always remind herself of it and know that whatever happens for the rest of their lives, Luke stood on that cliff with her at sunset and promised to love her forever, and the universe accepted it. "I love you. Yes. Thank you."

She follows him inside and he starts to make her her favorite omelet. Leia watches him, so handsome, so sweet, so good to her... and she knows again that she has to stay. How could they give this up? She would always regret it.

She goes up to Luke, leaning over the stove, and puts her hand on his back, tilting her face up to kiss him softly.

Luke smiles and for a moment Han and the weight of the galaxy are gone again. It's just him and Leia, and the baby in her belly, and they're blissfully happy on their little plot of land. He kisses her softly. "Almost ready." He almost mentions how convenient it would be if they had some local livestock to get eggs from, but then he catches himself, and then hates that he has. He turns, suddenly feeling a presence, and finds Han standing in the doorway, watching them with an unreadable expression on his face.

Upon being noticed, Han says, "Chewie and I got our things out of the speeder, and he's setting up camp out there tonight. Just thought I'd come in and say good night."

"You don't have to sleep outside," Leia says, rubbing Luke's back. "We have extra bedrooms. Ben's still has the bed it came with. We haven't gotten a crib yet." Leia can tell her talking about buying a crib is making this uncomfortably real for Han. 

"Naw, really. I wanna give you two your privacy."

She raises an eyebrow slyly. "Since when?"

Han lifts his hands, conceding. "Just figured you two might have some things you wanted to discuss, but... I've still got some old tricks up my sleeves if you're looking for company." He smiles one of his devastatingly handsome grins.

Luke almost throws the omelet at him.

Leia senses it and can't help but laugh. "Do you or Chewie need anything?"

"I think we're set. Could use an extra set of hands on the campsite though, if you got a minute."

Leia knows he doesn't need help, and Luke clearly does, too, but she kisses him again, quickly, to reassure him. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Leia, you gotta talk some sense into your brother," Han says, as softly as he can, as soon as they're a few paces from the house. "You two bring out some crazy stuff in each other, but I know you're still a smart and reasonable person. At least way more than he is. I know you see that you gotta go back, and I know you don't want to, and I don't blame you. But you do have to go. And Luke'll do whatever you say. He's that hung up on you."

"That's because I'm having his baby--"

"He was already like that. He's always been like that. It's always been about you for him, all of it. He loves you so much it's close to dangerous. You see how he gets whenever he thinks you're threatened. Only thing more important to him than being with you is keeping you safe. You and this baby, now. But he'll also trust your judgment about how to go about that."

Leia knows he's right, and she doesn't say anything, because she doesn't even want to admit it to herself.

There's no actual tent to set up. There's a collapsible building that Chewie has already assembled, with lights running inside, an air conditioner and everything. Han just needed an excuse to talk to her alone. Once she's quiet and had a few moments to think, Han stretches and looks up at the stars. "Chewie was really worried, you know." He glances at her. "Maybe I was, too."

This isn't what they thought was going to happen. Even Luke had agreed that the three of them could try it together, see how it went. That was what Leia wanted. Both of them. It was easy to forget that in her pain at losing Luke and her ecstasy at being with him again, but now that Han's here, she remembers. She used to have a theory, that she and Luke were like one person, and Han was their partner. Maybe it wasn't ever quite like that between Han and Luke, but they'd been such good friends, once, and Han would fight tooth and nail to protect him. Han balanced out her and Luke's dramatics and passion with a cool reserve and a surprising amount of common sense. She needed both of them, she'd insisted.

It seems like a lifetime ago that she had those thoughts.

"I'm honestly sorry for scaring you," Leia says, looking up at him. Sometimes those sharp hazel eyes are surprisingly soft. "I wish I could go back and change that much."

"Yeah, well." Han raises a hand to touch her cheek, but then thinks better of it. There's a dance they used to know together, but he's not sure they can do it anymore. He's not one to put himself on the line to get hurt, and yet here he is, at the ass-end of the galaxy, chasing after the most amazing woman he's ever met. "We could still try things the way they were before, you know. The three of us. Now that you two've finally gotten over your taboos, why not? We could all raise the kid together. Chewie's dying to be an uncle, and let's face it. You need someone with a solid head on his shoulders. Luke's a good kid, but he still hasn't gotten any sense knocked into him."

Leia smiles sadly. There's a part of her that really wants that. More than anything. Han would be almost as good a father as Luke, and the latter wouldn't say no to her. "You're not wrong...." She shakes her head. "But I want to stay here. You could... you could stay, too, you know."

Han smiles sadly, but they both know this isn't the life for him. It's not the life for her, either, Han thinks. How she hasn't gotten bored planting crops and mending skirts is beyond him. Lots of Force-sex, probably, but they could do that anywhere... "What's so special about this place, then? I'm not knocking it mind you, but it just looks like a house, some land... granted, quiet neighbors..." He looks around. Maybe he's missing something in the dark, but it looks like a variation on a hundred different homes he'd seen on a dozen different worlds. More peaceful than Coruscant, sure, but you didn't have to move into Hutt Space to find a quiet cabin to call your own.

Leia shrugs, her smile brighter. "It's mine and Luke's. That's all. We were on our way here together when we first made love. We learned to connect through the Force here. We conceived Ben here. We--" She decides not to tell him about the wedding. He'll think it's silly and "dramatic." Besides, she likes just keeping it for her and Luke. "The only thing special about it is us."

"Well, you know, there's half a dozen worlds in the Rim alone where you could have a bit of peace like this too. Especially if you're a princess and the last Jedi." He shakes his head. "I know I'm repeating myself. Just... do me one more favor before you make any decisions." He opens the door to his pop-up camp and after a moment poking through some bags, retrieves a small datapad and hands it to her. "Give this a view. It's just a couple of broadcasts and articles about your disappearances, and the factions taking claim. I wanted some familiar faces to fight if they turned out to be true so I watched them pretty regularly. You should at least inform yourself of what's been going on before you completely turn your back to the galaxy."

He's right. Leia accepts the datapad.

Before she turns to go, Leia says, as an afterthought. "I know it's not in you to do otherwise, but still... Han, thank you for supporting me being with Luke. For not being horrified that we're pregnant--for _that_ reason. It means a lot to me." She stands on her toes and kisses his cheek.

Han stands out there in the dark night watching as she retreats back inside to eat her omelet and be with the guy she really chose. It's not the reunion he was expecting. In some ways, it's better than he'd feared--they're not actually dead or kidnapped or tortured. In every other way though... 

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Solo," he chides. He heads back inside where Chewie immediately wraps him in a huge hug, and Han sighs and leans into him. At least he's still got Chewie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends "Rise in Perfect Light." Thank you so much for reading it this far! From here on out, the story will take two divergent courses--one that follows our heroes back to the New Republic and continues on to lead into "The Last Jedi." The other divergent course will take the other route--Luke and Leia decide to stay on Ylesia.
> 
> A present we are posting the first divergence we like to call "the darkest timeline" (though it still has a lot of happy moments), but a link to "the happy timeline" will be added here once we have it written and start posting it.
> 
> For now, if you're interested, you can head into the darkest timeline, "[Set in Darkness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439555/chapters/33351939)."


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